Re: Got kids? LOCK UP YOUR **** GUNS!
Response to sundry ill-informed insults directed against the magnificent race "Australianus Surpremus" (Genus: "Greatus Beyondii - aka Bondi - Believus") and its world beating movies.<br /><br />1. Americans who don't know their own history should check out where their labour (labor) for the plantantions came from in the 16th and 17th centuries. As Boswell recorded Dr Johnson saying around 1769 of Americans Sir, they are a race of convicts and ought to be content with anything we may allow them short of hanging.<br /><br />2. Alas, the rebellious Americans weren't content with being hanged. Their ill-conceived but alarmingly successful rebellion over the price of teabags deprived Britain of its dumping ground for convicts, which by great good luck was replaced by Australia in 1788 after the Americans had become difficult over the teabag issue.<br /><br />3. The result was that Australia was founded by convicts, rejected by both England and America, under the gentle and caring ministrations of frequently drunken troops, of whom my great, great, great grandfather was one. This drunken Irish Papist got into a bit of trouble (well, seriously deep sh!t actually which had a bearing on his eventual dismissal from the English Army after a term of imprisonment with the convicts he'd come out to guard) for, among other things, proposing a toast to the Pope while a profoundly pi$$ed steward in the exclusively Anglican and monarchistic officer's mess. I am the proud carrier of his suicidally bad sense of timing and occasion, as shown by this post, although I do not share his religious affiliations. <br /><br />4. On an evolutionary basis it is clear that, being the most select of the genetic groups excluded by America and England, Australians are to date the finest and most noble race in the world.<br /><br />5. As the best of the best, we have no fear of representing ourselves as we really are in celluloid, unlike lesser nations which when challenged shrink from the cinematic representations of their true nature.<br /><br />6. Mad Max is just the average bloke we have a beer with down the pub most days. Crocodile Dundee is much the same. And so on.<br /><br />7. Here's something you don't know. The scene where Crocodile Dundee responds to the mugger's knife with a huge knife, saying "That's not a knife. THAT'S a knife." is based, in the usual corrupted cinematic fashion, on endless but entirely different cases which actually occurred in Australia when Americans pulled things out to threaten Australians. Unfortunately our women usually responded to these revelations with comments like: "You think that's a d!(k.". Then they'd grab hold of Wayne, their boyfriend / husband / or possibly just a passer by (Most of us are called Wayne) and thrust him towards the American and say "THAT'S a d!(k!"<br /><br />8. "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" is an accurate representation of Australian life. I know, because I used to be married to Priscilla. Well, until she became a bloke, anyway.<br /><br />I hope that's cleared up any misonceptions and restored the amicable relations between our two nations.
<br /><br />Aldo