Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to find. <br /><br />Mechanics Knife: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delievered to your front door. Also, it works particualarly well on boxes containing leather goods. <br /><br />Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning steel pop-rivets in their holes until the day you die. <br /><br />Pliers: Used to round off bolt heads. <br /><br />Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human ennergy into a crooked, unpredicable motion and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. <br /><br />Vise-Grips: Used to round off bolt heads and transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. <br /><br />Oxyacetelene Torch: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. <br /><br />Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcynles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16" and 1/2" socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. <br /><br />Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands, so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part your were drying. <br /><br />Wire Wheel: Cleans rust off old bolts and thens throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also, removes fingerprints, callouses and impregnates strands of steel wire into your eye faster than you can say, "OUCH! SON-OF-A-BEECH!". <br /><br />Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have just installed your new front disc brake set-up, trapping the jack handle firmly under the fender. <br /><br />8 foot long Douglas Fur 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack. <br /><br />Phone: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic jack. <br /><br />Tweezers: A tool for removing wood splinters. <br /><br />Snap-On Gasket Scraper: Theoretically used, for as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonaise; used mainly for getting doggy-doo off your boot. <br /><br />E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is 10 times stronger than any known drill bit on face of the Earth. <br /><br />Timing Light: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating oil leaks. <br /><br />2-ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. <br /><br />Craftsman 1/2" x 16" long Screwdriver: A large mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. <br /><br />Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail...just as you thought. <br /><br />Avation Metal Snips: See "Hacksaw". <br /><br />Trouble Light: The mechanics own tanning booth. Sometimes called a "drop light", it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Heath benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm Howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Buldge (Whatever that is. Heh.) More often dark than light, it's name is somewhat misleading. <br /><br />Phillips Screwdriver: Normally, used to stab the lids of old-style paper and tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name applies...to round off Phillips screw heads. <br /><br />Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travles by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield and rounds them off. <br /><br />Pry Bar: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you've needed to remove in order to replace a $0.50 part. <br /><br />Hose Cutter: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2" too short.