Moral delima

[deputydawg]

I know what I am going to do with this situation, but it is a hard situation for me.<br />Where I work one of the office staff is a good friend of mine for 9 years. Her son is my partner working the same department. Her husband used to be on the board of supervisors, and is a fairly good man in most respects. <br />Here's the problem.<br />Last summer the family found the husband had fondled one of his granddaughters (not my partners child). I think she was in her early teens. When the family found out they tried to handle it within the family by forcing grandad into counseling. (I thought he did this voluntarily and respected him for that but now know it was forced by his family). Well someone in the family reported it to the State Police. Eventually he was arrested for 8 counts of sexual assault on children. Last week he plead guilty to a plea bargain of 3 counts. His explination for pleading guilty was to keep the children from being drug into court.<br />Now for the real problem. His wife and my good friend left me a memo at the office. She asked me and everyone else working here if we could write a letter to the court on his behalf telling what kind of man he is outside of the charges. I know he is a decent man on the outside, attends church every sunday and is very active, cares about his community, a very hard worker for his age. BUT he deserves to be punished for what he has done other than the embarassment of getting caught. As most of you know I kind of specialize in investigating these cases, and have interviewed many mnay children victims of this kind of case. I have also interviewed many adults who were victims in their childhood. I can not in any way forgive this man or write a letter for him. I want to help his wife who is afraid of being left alone if he goes to the big house, but can't do it. He is not a predator who will seek little children, but is still disgusting for what he has done and needs to be punished. <br />Now the problem, how to tell my friends I will not be writing a letter of support to help this man get a lighter sentence? It is not like this was an accident that happened and he regrets it, it was an intentional act no matter what the excuses.<br />Also I am kind of angry at her for even asking me this. She knows I would do anything to help her, but this is too far.

 

[roscoe]

Re: Moral delima

Print this post and present it to her. You've explained it very well. Done.<br /><br />The real dilemma for me would be deciding if I was going to write a letter asking for harsh punishment.

 

[tylerin]

Re: Moral delima

Deputydawg...it isn't you that did anything wrong, so you shouldn't feel bad for doing something right.

 

[jinx]

Re: Moral delima

He may not be a predator you say, but he's arrested for 8 counts? Sounds like one to me.<br /><br />He may be very manipulative and making his family round up support. Also, from your description he's may still be in denial that he has done anything wrong. <br /><br />Keep your dog out of this fight. Personally I think that after that many incidents he is not worth supporting. He may be a churchgoer, but he sounds like a bad guy to me.<br /><br />Jinx

 

[snapperbait]

Re: Moral delima

Deputy.. I would'nt write a letter on his behalf either.. More-like write a letter to the Judge asking to throw the book at him...<br /><br />Truthfully, I'd tell your friends the same thing you stated right here.. They know the job you do, specializing in that type of case...<br /><br />" It is not like this was an accident that happened and he regrets it, it was an intentional act no matter what the excuses."<br /><br />If your friends can't respect that, they probably are'nt really your friends...<br /><br />my 2cents...

 

[Boomyal]

Re: Moral delima

As sad as it seems to let a 'good' man go down, you've got no choice DD. I would tell her with great regret you are unable to write a confirming letter. Be sympathetic, but firm. If she holds it against you, that's her problem not yours.<br /><br />It is an unfathomable sickness and it seems to be getting more pervasive. I firmly believe that many a 'good' man has dallied in this manner and when things went wrong the child dies. You can't be a party to that possibility.

 

[rogerwa]

Re: Moral delima

The wife is circling the wagons. For what you do, you cannot not be any party to something that looks like it is supporting or being easy on him..

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Moral delima

Sorry, there is no such thing as a good child molestor, well there is, but we won't go into that. Just because someone goes to church, don't make them a good person.<br /><br />Like you said, it was no accident, it was planned, 8 times no less.<br /><br />No DD, you need to do the right thing and that sure ain't to write a nice letter for this man.<br /><br />Like other's have said, it's their problem, not your's.

 

[rodbolt]

Re: Moral delima

DD<br /> having been "accused" and hauled into court 4 times and been investigated 6 times by dare county social services including 2 home visits I have learned that anyone can accuse anyone of anything. sometimes just cause they are mad. so unless he had a court hearing I think he is still presumed innocent however his plea bargin is final. in my case I forced my daughter into court and she finally said she was just mad at me and told the school counsler a fib. only took 5K to do it and about 2 months. ex wife went to Hotline, a local battered womens shelter, 4 times with wild stories. one of the times I had alledgedly beaten her I was in atlanta GA at a school. so from someone that has spent a lot of time and cash fighting wackos in the SS system I cannot condem someone unless it was proven.<br /> however if he admited to it,regardless of the reason, he has to live with the consequences. may be best just to decline to write anything at all.

 

[Tinkerer]

Re: Moral delima

Originally posted by deputydawg:<br /> His wife and my good friend left me a memo at the office. She asked me and everyone else working here if we could write a letter to the court on his behalf telling what kind of man he is outside of the charges. I know he is a decent man on the outside, attends church every sunday and is very active, cares about his community, a very hard worker for his age.

Sorry to offer a different opinion, but if the offender's wife was a good friend of mine I'd probably write the letter she asked for, if only to support her.<br /><br />People are entitled to have the good they have done as well as the bad considered by the court in fixing a penalty. In these cases nobody wants to be associated with, or to be seen to be associated with, paedophiles. The end result is that the court hears only the bad.<br /><br />The wife only wants a statement telling the court what kind of man he is outside of the charges. You've already written it:<br /><br /> I know he is a decent man on the outside, attends church every Sunday and is very active, cares about his community, a very hard worker for his age.

 

[Winger Ed.]

Re: Moral delima

Its hard to work up sympathy for a child molester.<br /><br />I have a son who lived on the other side of the country with his Mom who was victimized by one.<br /><br />To be brief:<br />The effects on the kid are something to behold.<br /><br />If it was me, I couldn't write such a letter as you have been requested.<br /><br />As a Law Enforcement Officer, You might could tell her sme BS about 'Conflict of Interest', or something to settle her down.

 

[62_Kiwi]

Re: Moral delima

Stick to your guns Deputy (easy for me to say, I know). Stick to what you know in your gut is the right way to handle it - it will be difficult in the short term, but easier to live with yourself in the long term. Just my 2 cents.

 

[JB]

Re: Moral delima

Some people do some evil things. It would make things so simple if they were totally evil, but the man in this case clearly isn't. That doesn't alter in the slightest the need to protect other children from his impulses.<br /><br />I don't believe that counseling or prison is going to change his behavior. Perhaps radical behavior modification would, but the chances that it would even be tried are remote.<br /><br />Letters to the court praising this man's good behavior in most things shouldn't alter the court's view of his bad behavior, but they often do.<br /><br />Protect the children. Lock him up.

 

[Ross J]

Re: Moral delima

You know (you say you've investigated this type of thing) he's lived with the guilt of his actions and the feeling of eventually being caught. His response to plead guilty wouldn't be for the benefit of the kid/s as stated, rather to save his own embarrasement if the kid/s gave descriptions in court of his actions towards them.<br />You cannot write for him and thats fine, he'd do the same for you. Stick to your guns and simply let his wife know you can neither condone the actions which he took, nor can you seperate the admitted behaviour from the present request. That would show the child/en that you were'nt supporting them, thats where your loyalty lays now, and his wife should understand that.<br />A difficult situation, yes. But one in which the over riding factor should be justice, for the child/en.<br />Had you been asked to forgive then there's room for time to take effect. But to be asked to write as if nothing had happened is wrong.<br />Ross

 

[notinbig]

Re: Moral delima

DD I have not read all the reply's, however I have gone thru the same thing execpt it was my wife and her cousins that were molested my their grandfather in-law. He got many fedral charges and was still out in three months. I don't have any advice but stay strong you are all the MEN of the world, and we need you guy's. So all I can say is do what your heart and God tell you to do.<br /><br />Good luck my friend.

 

[dolluper]

Re: Moral delima

Child dideler's do not diserve respect as the law states to write a letter would not be right , he agreed he was wrong and it was his choice,so let him face the music don,t get involved,let him have his day,and after he gets out thats a different story.Don't worry I'am sure the judge can figger out the facts he doesn't need any help

 

[NathanY]

Re: Moral delima

Lets look at a different point of view. If you write this letter, and the public or other officers find out, how is that going to make you look in the public eye? It'll make it look like you support child molesters. Do you want your force to be known as the force that writes letters to help child molesters? I know that if it was my kid, and you wrote a letter for the scumbag that molested my kid and he got a lesser sentance than otherwise would have been given, I would be very pissed and call for your immediate removal as an officer, because you just crossed the line from Protect and Serve to helping criminals. Sorry to be like that.

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: Moral delima

It is your moral choice and belief. Period.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Moral delima

Write a letter to the court telling the court exactly as you feel on the issue. Give it to his wife.<br /><br />That way you can say you wrote the letter and you stuck to your own beliefs.<br /><br />If she doesnt want to be your friend any more, too bad.<br /><br />Ask yourself, do you want to remain friends with someone who would defend a child molestor????<br /><br />Ken

 

[KaGee]

Re: Moral delima

The BTK killer also went to church and was well respected by those who thought they knew him.