Late night call from the Sheriff

[SS MAYFLOAT]

My 16 year old son got his license last month. Since then, I have been called to the sheriffs dept. twice. The first was due to him being out over 12am and underage consumption. He blew a .03 which the sheriff did not give him a citation for DUI which is .02 for a teen.<br /><br />The second time was last night at 2am. This weekend was his visitation at his bio moms house which is in a different county. I got the call from my counties sheriffs department saying he was in a different county out over the curfew with two runaway girls. The lieutentant got mad at me for letting him go. I explained to him that it was a court ordered visitation and that is why I allowed him to go to his moms. I said that while he was at his moms, she has control and custody of him at the time of his visitation.<br /><br />The lieutentant sent cars to my house to find me, but my wife and I was at the lake. He then remembered that I kept my boat on the lake, so then he sent rangers to my slip to wake me up to call him. I called and that is when he started jumping all over me about my son and his whereabouts. So we loaded up our stuff at 2 something and headed home. I called his mom from my house. She answered and I asked where he was at. She said she didn't know? Then we heard another phone pick up and it was him. She asked where he was and he said he was downstairs on her couch. He couldn't understand what was so bad that happened. I don't know the comlete details of what happened last night, but I will know later today.<br /><br />My question is this "Does the leiutentant have the right to tell me to pull the tags off his car?" My son has not been to court yet to see the judge. I thought only the judge has the ability to call the shots on what to do with his punishment.<br /><br />At this time he is building up a strong distrust and hate toward the law. He is rebelious and hard to control and does get mouthy toward them. Not what I like to hear.<br /><br />I have been trying to do the right thing like making him pay for his own car and insurance. He has had 3 different jobs in the last 3 months. The last job was at a country club that I had worked at for 12 years. He was hired because they knew me. They found out real quick he is not like his hard working dad. He tripped while mowing a TEE, the mower gouged into the turf and continued into the fringe mowing it at the same height as the TEE. It was a major screw up since their invitational was only in 4 days from then. SO the grounds super had no choice in the matter and let him go.<br /><br />I'm getting to the wits end and trying to be patient over the situation. I know he will hopefully grow out of this, but it seems it is just not soon enough.<br /><br />Any ideas besides beating the crap out of him?.....SS

 

[Ralph 123]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

SS - just my two cents so take it with a large garin of salt ok?<br /><br />Sounds like the Lt is on your side. He is trying to help you control him by pulling the car (lipping his wings). They could have busted him for DUI but cut him some slack (probably becuase they like you - not him). Now he hasn't shown any gratitude for what they did for him - he's out with runaways and such. Sounds like they are on your side and are trying to help.<br /><br />I don't know you or your son but it sounds like you're at a crossroads - if you can't get his wings clipped now this is just the start of your troubles. <br /><br />If I were in your shoes I wouldn't let him out of my site for the next few months. No car. No friends. I would keep him by my side as much as possible and I'd keep him busy with some project he would find interesting - like fixing up a car or something. You're going to need your his Bio Mom's help as well. You both need to talk about it and have a united front or he will just play you off each other.<br /><br />Again, just some things to think about. Take it with a grain of salt.<br /><br />Ralph

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

SS, I know this sounds childish, but ground him.<br />Make him work around the house doing chores, like cutting grass, washing dishes and the like.<br /><br />Tell him why you are doing this. He might not want to hear "It's for your own good" speech, but you will have the satisfaction of trying.<br /><br />Once his "grounding" is over, warn him if he screws up again, it will be longer next time.<br /><br />As for your ex's visitations go, have her come and pick him up and bring him back, and that way you will know at least that he is not out driving his/your car.<br /><br />Like Ralph, just my .02 worth.

 

[JRJ]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

Sounds like the police are going out of their way to help you. If your son likes to drink and drive, he will hurt or kill someone. At 16, it won't take him long to wreck some lives. Pull his wheels-please!

 

[12Footer]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

"Tough Love". It don't allways werk, but it's your best option. Kids grow up to be independant thinkers, as well they should. Your only job now is to see to it that he be held accountable for every decission he makes....Both the good and the bad.<br />He lost his car by his own hand. Not yours or the sheriff.<br />If he wants it back, he has to fix what he breoke. What he broke can sometimes NEVER be repaired. But getting it back is up to him.<br />I was a good kid for the most part. But like anyone, I made some stupid choices, like riding my bike down the center lane of the street, oblivious to traffic. I was having a grand time, until a patrolman saw me, took me home,and talked to my dad. Dad had me take the bike apart, piece-by-piece. As the parts came off, he placed them in the attic. I never saw that bike again. I never meant to do anyone harm, including myself, but lesson learned anyway.<br />I hope he wakes-up and smells the coffee.<br /><br /> Link to dumb human tricks by some of the iboats family. <br />Sort of ratting on myself and others here, but we all make idiot moves at times.

 

[OBJ]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

Have to agree with the guys SS. Get those wheels away from him. At 16, just an observation from problems with my youngest son, they seem to know everything and are rebelious toward any kind of supervision. My son once was very close to making a trip to Sargus, which is a detention facility for delinquents. And I was going to let him go and I told him so. Scared the crap outta him. Settled him down a lot. I really hope your situation does'nt expand into this but sometimes a good scare can do a lot. I would make it very plain to him that if he screws up, he WILL pay the price. Sure hope things settles down for you and yours.

 

[THE-TAZ]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

Hello SS, I believe what the Lt. was giving you was just good sound advice. There is a major responsibility to being behind the wheel of a vehicle. Sounds like your son is not deserving of the responsibility, nor has matured enough to accept it. This is no fault of yours, it is just the way he is. You should not take part in supplying him with a weapon against other people when it is obvious he is not responsible enough to control it. Knowing he has proven himself irresponible to have a vehicle it will be your fault if you keep allowing him to drive and he ends up killing himself or someone else. Being involved in Law Enforcement for some ten years I can honestly say the road he is on may surely lead to a grave or a jail cell. And him being a minor you could be held responsible for his actions and stand to lose everything if the wrong situation occurs. Buy him a good pair of tennis shoes and get rid of the car until he grows up enough to accept the responsibility!!! It is better to say "NO" now, than "I am sorry, or I wish I would have" later.<br />JUST MY 2 CENTS!!

 

[mellowyellow]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

what's he doing out past midnight SS? first get<br />a more resonable curfew IMHO! as the judge will<br />tell him, driving is a privilege, not a right...<br />has to be earned. my oldest son turns 16 in Feb.<br />and it scares the crud outa me!<br />good luck,<br />M.Y.

 

[bubbakat]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

ss The lt was trying to give you some control factors. He is living in a rebellious world right now. He is headed for disaster. Please take that three thousand pound weapon away from him for his sake and the other peoples sake or you will be hiring him a lawyer. Yes you have the right to pull the tags off of the car until a kid gets to the age of 18 or 19 you are financially responsible for his actions. They have groups that can help you deal with this.I hope you don't get mad at me for this post but he is going to wind up in jail take him down to your local lock up and give him a tour they will be more than glad to do it at the jail. I know from experience i deal with this every day I see kids from good families go down the drain because no one will put the skid on them. Make him do as you say until he can earn your trust back and show he can handle it.Three weeks ago I pulled two 16 year olds out of a car they were drinking and one was dead and the other will never walk again. There is some good still left in him so drag it out and show it to him. sorry for the long post but I have such a love for kids that it hurts when I see one turning sour My heart is with you

 

[magster65]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

Oh man does that sound familiar... <br />Just a thought but...<br />I was a bad apple, my activities made the papers on occasion. One day after court I was introduced to a police sponsored club for kids that were/are going down that 'big trouble ahead' path. They had a truck and 8 motorcycles. They'd take us riding every second sunday and we got together for maintenance on the wednesday before the ride. The other weekend days were other volunteers and kids out doing the same thing. The deal was if you stayed out of trouble you stayed in the club... period. Any small problems were 1 or 2 ride suspensions and something serious they'd boot you out... I think. Nobody ever got in trouble again from our group. Every 6 months they'd have a competition, something like trials, to keep things interesting and us motivated. Find out if there's anything like that near you. I have the fondest memories and made life long buddies in that club... 20 some years later and I still have a picture in the shop of us.

 

[snapperbait]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

First off, what the hell is a 16 year old doing drinking in the first place, and where'd he get the stuff from?.... <br /><br /> If I had pulled some B.S. like that at 16 my Parents would have double teamed up on me and beat my ass for real.... <br /><br />My 2 cents worth, The boy needs to learn what SELF RESPECT and RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY is all about... It's obvious that he has none of either...<br /><br /> Reality check time.... He should spend some time in the County lock up for the DUI.... NO EXCUSES FOR DUI!<br /><br />My sincere appology for seeming harsh...

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

Thanks everyone with the replies.<br /><br /> Once he returned home from his mom's, he walked into the house and handed me the key to his car without me asking for it. I then asked him to remove the rear plate with the registration sticker. He was a little upset with me wanting the tags, but I explained to him that it is easy to have keys duplicated and that my trust in him has long gone.<br /><br />I then asked about what happened last night. He said he picked up his girlfriend and then went to pick up a friend of hers. Then he stated they then went back to his girlfriends house. That girls brother was mad at her for something she did to him, so he called the police and reported her as a runaway. Son said that when they returned from his girlfrieds house to the so called runaways house that the police was there. He then said that they run a check on the car and himself. Then he said they let him go since he didn't do anything wrong.<br /><br />Unknowingly to him I called the police department that took the call. The stories matched between his and the police. That sure surprised me.<br /><br />I told him that he is not to be able to drive until his court date, and then it is up to the judge to decide what else to do with him.<br /><br />He still says he was not drinking last Wednesday night even though the other two that was with him was totally drunk. He said all he did was use a breath freshner that was in a spray bottle. I have heard that those can give a slight reading on a breathalizer. The deputy that tested him said that on his sobriety check that he seemed okay on his reactions. That is why they didn't bust him for DUI, but since the breathalizer said different, that is why they got him for underage consumption.<br /><br />He hasn't always been like this. He hasn't been a thief or drug user. (Thanks to the wife working in the drug screening business). It has mostly been like this since he started getting his license. Hopefully this experience will put a kink in his tail and slow him down. I did make him aware that since I signed for him to drive that I was the one responsible for his actions. I told him that his actions can cause us to loose everything that I have worked for. That is why your not driving until you have learned to be responsible.<br /><br />Today I made him work his butt off. I cut several trees down, made him clear out the branches, load up the chunks of wood into the trailer, then he unloaded the trailer, then split the wood and then he stacked it. It was the most physical work I have ever seen him do. It sure is nice for me not to have a sore back from all that work for a change.<br /><br />Well, tomorrow we are going to the junk yard. Guess what he is going to see!<br /><br />Sorry for making this long, your support has helped give me backbone to stand my ground.....SS Maysurvive....

 

[bubbakat]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

SS Take him to see the sheriff and let one of the deputies show him some picts of dui wrecks they have to keep them on hand for evidence. Good call on the keys and keep him working but don't burn him out give him a little longer leash a little at a time. Let him earn it. Tell him you love him I can tell you do or you wouldn't be as concerned as you are.I work with the kids of the community here and they will reward you with good turns most of the time.

 

[cammydog]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

SS. Bubbakat said the right thing tell him that you love him. Keep him working, I used this once, when my son got a little out of hand. He cleaned the attic then the next day the garage, next washed the car, truck, boat, cleaned the garage again ect,ect,ect... Kept this up for a couple of weeks. Then I sat him down for a talk, we got a few things strightened out, and then I asked him if he was enjoying himself working as he was, He understood. Good luck in what ever you do.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

SS, that's good on the work part. He is young and can take it.<br /><br />That's what's wrong with the vast majority of today's kids, don't know what work is.<br /><br />No way that todays kids could stand up to the work that my generation had to work at.<br /><br />After a couple days work, take him fishing.<br />Some "quality" time, as they call it.<br /><br />Might seem to him you are being a "bad" dad, but years from now he will see that you were right.

 

[Ralph 123]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

SS - sounds like there is real hope. The most important thing is that he truly understand he is/was wrong and take responsibility.<br /><br />The most important lesson I ever learned was that I was responsible for my own life and that the choices I made and would determine the quality of my life forever. <br /><br />I truly hope it all works out.<br /><br />SBN - You got the work ethic thing right - no such thing these days with kids. Things come too easy for most of them these days....

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

Bringing this back to the current time. Did everything work out ok SS?

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

WOW, that makes me feel old KB

Yeah, things between him, I and the world seem to be better now. He has actually learned that when I say NO, I mean NO. For the last couple of years now, his visits are just that. No bickering and begging for money. He has a decent job now thanks to him cleaning up his act to pass drug screens. Haven't had any calls from any law enforcement in the last 3 years. He just turned 21 last month. Instead of getting drunk on his birthday, he went to work and waited for the weekend to celebrate his birthday. Just maybe he did learn something from the old man after all.

Now when we talk about the past, it tends to end with tears in our eyes from laughing so hard.

I might not have raised him the best way, but I think I did finally get him to become a respectable citizen of the community. Mostly the support I got in this thread really made a difference in keeping my cool and keeping me with a strong backbone.

Thanks for asking KB, I'm not proud on the things he did then, but I'm proud of him doing things on his own now without being in trouble with the law.

BTW, he called me a few weeks ago and said we'll be grandparents again in January. That will make a total of 10 from all of our kids. Any guess on how many Great ones there will be by the time I'm 60? I don't even want to think about that now.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

Good deal SS, now keep after him, don't give him no slack and most of all, make sure he knows you are there for him if he needs you.
My 3 girls still come running to me from time to time with their problems for me to solve for them.
I just take it all in stride and help them as much as I can.
Like I said, good deal.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Late night call from the Sheriff

It's nice to hear thing worked out for you and your son SS. It's refreshing to hear the "alls gotten better and things are going great" stories, especially when family is involved.