How I Ruined Easter

[aspeck]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

This is a tough one, and I feel your pain. I hear all the people getting on your FIL over the dog, and although I agree with them, my take is a little different.

My mother has a yappy "poop"zu (gotta beat the editing tool somehow ) who likes to snap and nip. I hate it around kids and have learned to hate the dog, mostly because Mom cares more for that dog than people! This would not have been what Mom would have done 10 years ago, but after Dad's death she lost a lot of fight, and then dementia began to play a role. Now that she has realizes she is forgetting, it is hard for her to care for a dog (remembering feeding times, letting it outside, etc. are difficult), but she feels most comfortable with the dog ... because he likes it that she can't remember (he gets lots of table scraps, fed often, has free reign of house, etc). Mom was always a people person, but now nothing comes before the dog.

When the dog bit her I tried to put the dog down ... that didn't work. When the dog bit a friend's kid, my wife, my daughter, me ... same thing ... but just couldn't go through with it even though I hate that dog ... mom was ready to throw herself in front of the gun to save the dog. Who cares about people, save the dog!

I have had to find ways to adjust and to keep people safe around the dog, while still letting Mom have the little bit of joy she has left. I don't like the dog, hate the situation, etc, but Mom is more important that my wants and if it takes some creativity on the part of my wife and I, well, we will do what we have to do to keep mom and others safe AND happy till the dog eats itself to death.

Now, with that said, it does sound like your FIL might have some health related issues going on. I would call your FIL and talk with him. It doesn't hurt to apologize, even if you are right (personally I think you were right, but your choice of words and delivery were not appropriate). Get a dialogue started with him and judge whether he understands what happened, and what is happening know. Do it earlier in the day when he is rested. Judge his mood before mentioning DR check-up, etc. You might need to talk to your MIL and see if she has been noticing mood swings, etc. Be glad, this might have been the event to get your attention and maybe some adjustments can be made so you have your FIL who has been like a Dad to you around for more years.

 

[infideltarget]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

nothing really to add here, everyone has basically summed up the same feelings I have. although i do not feel it is right to kick or be violent to the dog. its not his fault he was never trained properly. a little verbal threatening can go a long way tho.

This easter my 2 year old god-daughter was was hand feeding my 75 pound chocolate lab his dog food out of his dog bowl with her hands which were semi closed. he was so gentle and good with her it simply amazed everyone in the room. thats how a family pet should behave! not by luck tho, good breeding and training goes a long ways

+1. Ours is part of the family and he knows it. He is not the Alpha...and he knows it. He tries sometimes, but like you said...this is where good breeding and good training are paramount. I think the OPs FIL let his little crotch sniffer become the Alpha, and get that little dog syndrome the breeders talk about. Not condoning beating the dog, but teaching it some manners and who really is the Alpha would go a long way. Or a 9mm would do just as good I guess.

 

[aspeck]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

... I think the OPs FIL let his little crotch sniffer become the Alpha, and get that little dog syndrome the breeders talk about. Not condoning beating the dog, but teaching it some manners and who really is the Alpha would go a long way. Or a 9mm would do just as good I guess.

It is definitly the owners fault, but sometimes the owner just doesn't know or realize ... respect, understanding, love, creativity, etc must all be used at that time ...

 

[roscoe]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

When the dog bit her I tried to put the dog down ... that didn't work. When the dog bit a friend's kid, my wife, my daughter, me ...

Thats five (5) bites from one dog. Most states have laws that require a dog to be put down after biting a few humans.

That law is there for a reason.


Well, I hope the dog bite police aren't reading this.
But if they put the rubber hose to me, I'm telling them who you are.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

Playing Devils advocate... You know they have a dog in their home that behaves poorly around strangers and YOU made the choice to take your family there. Sorry but the results of your choices are just that.

The better way to handle it IMHO is tell them you will not be bringing the kids unless the dog is secured away from everyone because they are afraid of him and you are afraid of what you may do to the dog the next time he acts aggressive to the kids. That puts the decision on their shoulders.

+1

Knowingly taking your children INTO a situation where their well being could be an issue is a bad move, family or not. That said if my dog ever aggressively bit a guest in my house it would be the last time. However if the dog nipped at or bit someone out of defense the person teasing or taunting the dog would be asked to leave. Family or not.

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

My mother has a yappy "poop"zu (gotta beat the editing tool somehow ) who likes to snap and nip.

If you are talking about a Shih Tzu, if spelled properly, no problem with this forum...and no need to edit....

 

[aspeck]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

If you are talking about a Shih Tzu, if spelled properly, no problem with this forum...and no need to edit....

May be how it is spelled, but not what it is!

Well, I hope the dog bite police aren't reading this.
But if they put the rubber hose to me, I'm telling them who you are.

Please do, Roscoe ... then it is out of my hands, although I don't know what Mom would do without her beast - and getting her another one is out of the question, she just can't take care of a dog properly.

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

The dog should have been put in one of them dog cages that people have now a days in their home, or put outside when they have people over visiting. Not everybody wants a flea bitten, tick infested mut hanging around them. Some people just should not have a dog.

Most dog owners just do not get it.

 

[TilliamWe]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

+1

Knowingly taking your children INTO a situation where their well being could be an issue is a bad move, family or not. That said if my dog ever aggressively bit a guest in my house it would be the last time. However if the dog nipped at or bit someone out of defense the person teasing or taunting the dog would be asked to leave. Family or not.

You two Devil's Advocates, re-read his original post. The dog had the child CORNERED and was NIPPING at and trying to bite him. That is no longer self defense, that's an attack.
I agree, he took his child to a house where there is an idiot dog owner, but he couldn't have expected the dog to ATTACK his child. You two are both wrong in this situation.

 

[mommicked]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

I call tiny agressive dogs "stompin poodles"I think the dog and grandpa both need some obediance training and I cannot believe any parent or adult would defend any dog over anyones small child.I think FIL was upset that you spoke your mind and in his eyes disrespected him In front of his whole family.If thats not the case(no apology),then he must secretly despise you.Maybe cause ur a city slicker!!Or he could just be an *****.Thats not likely to change if he's been that way for years.Good luck.PS I would not apologize to him for my comment about the dog.I might say I was upset and used bad timing.But I think your dog needs to be trained or shut out of any future family get togethers if it cannot be controlled.Is that to mutch to ask? And I admire your self restraint, I would have kicked it through the wall,that would have REALLY ruined Easter.

 

[TilliamWe]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

If you kill a dog on Easter, doesn't it just come back to life, anyway?

 

[infideltarget]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

If you kill a dog on Easter, doesn't it just come back to life, anyway?

:facepalm:

 

[Mel Taylor]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

Your father in law is a bully. My bet is that he has been top dog in the family for a long time and has retained his position because no one has had the guts to challenge this "no-nonsense prairie farmer". You finally got the guts to do so. I hope your wife has the good sense to back you up.

His harboring of untrained dogs that are prone to bite other people is just part of his bullying. He doesn't have the guts to attack other people so he lets his dogs do it for him.

As for the apology, I don't see that you had anything to apologize for, but you and your wife are the best judges of that.

IMO you were entirely in the right. Bullies only retain their power as long as no one stands up to them. You did that! Congratulations. I suspect that I'm old enough to be your father and if you were my son I'd say I was right proud of you.

 

[Cofe]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

What is more important to your FIL. The dog? or his grand child? I think he has his priorities messed up. And you did a fine job as a Father.
I probably would have said something like... Would you mind calling your dog off my child before I go call it OFF?

 

[NathanY]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

You didn't do anything wrong. Your father in law was wrong. You had every right to protect your child from the dog, infact, the only thing that I think you did wrong was to not stomp the shat out of that dog. Your father in law had no right to talk to you the way that he did. Elder or not, a man does not have the right to talk to another man like that unless he wants his butt kicked, ESPECIALLY in front of your kids. RESPECT IS A TWO WAY STREET, YOU GIVE ONLY WHAT YOU RECEIVE! My dad had a dog, a lab mix of some sort, that every time I would come to visit him would jump all over me, I knew how to handle it. But one day my kids came to visit their grandpa, my daughter was six and my son was about six months old. The dog jumped on my daughter and knocked her over and jumped on my wife while she was holding my son, and almost knocked her over and scratched my son's face. My dad saw it and said nothing, I grabbed that dog by the collar and picked it up and slung it and slammed it on the ground. It had been a problem for a long time with that dog jumping on people. My dad was pretty upset with me, but I told him it was his family or the dog. He got rid of the dog, and there were no more problems.

At a certain age in a person's life, your parents cant consider your relationship father/son in the sense that he did when you were a child or even a young adult. You are a man, with a family of your own. You are the boss, the alpha, the leader of your family. For a man to call another man boy, is a slap in the face to everything you have worked for and built for yourself and your family. When he called you boy, in front of your kids like that, he put that stupid little dog over you. He said that dog has more value to him than you or your family does. I see a real problem with that. Your father in law does not think you are a man. I think you should have addressed that issue right then and there. There is no man on the face of the planet that will ever get away with talking to me like that, especially in front of my kids. You were wrong to write him an apology letter. The only letter that you should have written is a letter demanding an apology from him, in front of your kids, and an apology to the kids. Too many people on here have said that this is a tough one, or this is a hard situation. Its really not. He disrespected you. He put the dog over the safety of your child. He put the dog over his relationship with you. Pretty simple to me. Either he apologizes to you and your kids for what he did or he doesn't get to see you guys for a while. I may seem like an arse, but there is a real respect problem in the world today. To many people want it without giving it.

 

[infideltarget]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

You didn't do anything wrong. Your father in law was wrong. You had every right to protect your child from the dog, infact, the only thing that I think you did wrong was to not stomp the shat out of that dog. Your father in law had no right to talk to you the way that he did. Elder or not, a man does not have the right to talk to another man like that unless he wants his butt kicked, ESPECIALLY in front of your kids. RESPECT IS A TWO WAY STREET, YOU GIVE ONLY WHAT YOU RECEIVE! My dad had a dog, a lab mix of some sort, that every time I would come to visit him would jump all over me, I knew how to handle it. But one day my kids came to visit their grandpa, my daughter was six and my son was about six months old. The dog jumped on my daughter and knocked her over and jumped on my wife while she was holding my son, and almost knocked her over and scratched my son's face. My dad saw it and said nothing, I grabbed that dog by the collar and picked it up and slung it and slammed it on the ground. It had been a problem for a long time with that dog jumping on people. My dad was pretty upset with me, but I told him it was his family or the dog. He got rid of the dog, and there were no more problems.

At a certain age in a person's life, your parents cant consider your relationship father/son in the sense that he did when you were a child or even a young adult. You are a man, with a family of your own. You are the boss, the alpha, the leader of your family. For a man to call another man boy, is a slap in the face to everything you have worked for and built for yourself and your family. When he called you boy, in front of your kids like that, he put that stupid little dog over you. He said that dog has more value to him than you or your family does. I see a real problem with that. Your father in law does not think you are a man. I think you should have addressed that issue right then and there. There is no man on the face of the planet that will ever get away with talking to me like that, especially in front of my kids. You were wrong to write him an apology letter. The only letter that you should have written is a letter demanding an apology from him, in front of your kids, and an apology to the kids. Too many people on here have said that this is a tough one, or this is a hard situation. Its really not. He disrespected you. He put the dog over the safety of your child. He put the dog over his relationship with you. Pretty simple to me. Either he apologizes to you and your kids for what he did or he doesn't get to see you guys for a while. I may seem like an arse, but there is a real respect problem in the world today. To many people want it without giving it.

HEAR, HEAR!!! (is there a little smiley clapping icon on here?)

 

[NathanY]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

I didn't read through all of the responces but here's my opinion...

Dogs that nip when they are startled or feel threatened are only demonstrating normal behavior. Snapping when threatened = normal and should be disciplined.

I don't own a dog. I hate dogs. But I have watched enough Dog Whisperer to know how dead wrong that is.

 

[jigngrub]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

Ever think about having your son try to make friends with the little dog? Give your son a pocketful of dog treats and let him sit on the floor and feed them to the dog and pet him, have your son take the dog outside and play ball with the dog and/or take it for a walk on a leash.

It sounds like the dog likes your son (was laying at his feet) but just doesn't know how to act around him.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

You two Devil's Advocates, re-read his original post. The dog had the child CORNERED and was NIPPING at and trying to bite him. That is no longer self defense, that's an attack.
I agree, he took his child to a house where there is an idiot dog owner, but he couldn't have expected the dog to ATTACK his child. You two are both wrong in this situation.

"They have a history of keeping but not properly training their dogs. The last one they had they had to have put down because it was behaving more and more erratically, attacking other neighbor's dogs and getting dangerous around people. But they put up with ever more crazy behavior for years before being forced to act."

The OP states there is a history with the in laws dogs. And further the son has real phobia around dogs.

"Anyway, our son has been really unnerved by their dogs over the years and and developed a real phobia around dogs in general which we've been working hard to reverse."

I am in no way condoning the inlaws lack of care or control of their dogs. Just questioning the OP's decision to place his child in situation he knew could potentially turn threatening.

 

[jigngrub]

Re: How I Ruined Easter

After thinking about it for a little bit, I'd bet money that Grandpa was much more upset about the way his 9 yr. old grandson was acting with a little dog that probably just wanted to play than he was about what was said about the dog.