scoutabout
Lieutenant Commander
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2006
- Messages
- 1,568
Sigh - family gatherings...
We were at the inlaws with our 9 year son. They have a history of keeping but not properly training their dogs. The last one they had they had to have put down because it was behaving more and more erratically, attacking other neighbour's dogs and getting dangerous around people. But they put up with ever more crazy behaviour for years before being forced to act.
Their latest dog is a very small rat/weasel cross that's constantly yipping and barking at people. You know the type. Takes ten minutes to settle down when you walk in the door. Then you leave the room for two minutes to hit the head and when you come back it's the same routine all over again.
Anyway, our son has been really unnerved by their dogs over the years and and developed a real phobia around dogs in general which we've been working hard to reverse.
Yesterday we heard a huge commotion in the living room, rushed in and the poor kid was cornered by the little dish rag, who was barking, growling, jumping and nipping at his hands. My son was crying, saying he had just gotten up of the couch quickly and didn't notice the dog was sitting at his feet.
The in-laws reaction is always the same. They tut-tut, and tisk-tisk, snap a lead on the dog and prattle on about how the dog "was startled" or "isn't used to children" and other excuses in that vein.
When we were kids my dad had a whole different attitude. When the new family dog showed signs of growling at my sister and I one day (and I'm sure we deserved it) he nevertheless laid a major beating on him (much more noise than anything else really) but stong enough to leave no uncertainly in his Alpha dog wannabe head that he was absolutely not leader of the pack and kids weren't to be even looked at wrong. "Dogs don't growl at kids becuase it can only get worse" was his mantra.
Then he laid into us good for teasing the poor animal. From that day forth we treated the dog better, and the dog certainly showed no further signs of impatience with us.
So, back to yesterday. I stopped my mother-in-law mid excuse and declared what the dog probably needed was a good kick in the teeth. The room fell silent and my father-in-law looked up from where he was carving a roast, knife poised, and said, "Did you just say you think my dog needs a kick in the teeth?" He's a no nonsense prairie farmer boy and can throw a stern look when he needs to. I on the other hand am a rather soft, citified desk-worker whom I'm sure he thinks hasn't really had a tough day in his life.
"Sure did", I said. "This crap with your dogs has been going on for years and it's time it stopped."
He quietly laid the knife down, came into the living room and said, "You better watch it boy," in a tone I've not heard him use in the twenty years I've known him. I didn't know whether to laugh or run. Who calls a grown man "boy" like he's ten? And in a tone that implied actual violence was pending.
Before I could really recover and respond, he let loose with a barrage of profanity and abuse which really floored me. All this right in front of the entire family. Then he stormed out, jumped in the car, and disappeared for the rest of the evening.
Obviously I hit a nerve (you think?) but I'm left with the dilemma of what to do with a) making it clear sanctioning unpredictable, annoying, and dangerous behaviour in thier pets (even the puny ones) isn't an option if they want family around and b) the question of how to react to his explosion and the damage to our relationship.
My son was really upset and kept asking us why Grandpa talked to me like that. I reassured him that Grandpa really did love me but was very upset becuase I had made a rather thoughtless remark about a dog he really loved. As we were leaving at the end of the evening (still sans Grandpa) I left a note in his den apologizing for the remark, noting I didn't handle my concern over the dog well.
Still, we are all shocked and upset he would let loose in such a way in front of our kid. Yes, I've already admitted to my wife it was a stupid way to advance the conversation about the dog, but really - to call me an effing, bleepity, bleepity, bleep and go slamming doors in front of his grand kid? And frankly, despite my poor handling of it, I'm really hurt myself. He's been better than a father to me for a couple of decades and I can't believe the person I was seeing confront me.
I guess I'm not sure what I really am looking from you guys. As my online family I suppose I just wanted to relate an upsetting story, but also wonder how you all might handle the various elements to this sad tale.
Talk about a ruined holiday weekend.
We were at the inlaws with our 9 year son. They have a history of keeping but not properly training their dogs. The last one they had they had to have put down because it was behaving more and more erratically, attacking other neighbour's dogs and getting dangerous around people. But they put up with ever more crazy behaviour for years before being forced to act.
Their latest dog is a very small rat/weasel cross that's constantly yipping and barking at people. You know the type. Takes ten minutes to settle down when you walk in the door. Then you leave the room for two minutes to hit the head and when you come back it's the same routine all over again.
Anyway, our son has been really unnerved by their dogs over the years and and developed a real phobia around dogs in general which we've been working hard to reverse.
Yesterday we heard a huge commotion in the living room, rushed in and the poor kid was cornered by the little dish rag, who was barking, growling, jumping and nipping at his hands. My son was crying, saying he had just gotten up of the couch quickly and didn't notice the dog was sitting at his feet.
The in-laws reaction is always the same. They tut-tut, and tisk-tisk, snap a lead on the dog and prattle on about how the dog "was startled" or "isn't used to children" and other excuses in that vein.
When we were kids my dad had a whole different attitude. When the new family dog showed signs of growling at my sister and I one day (and I'm sure we deserved it) he nevertheless laid a major beating on him (much more noise than anything else really) but stong enough to leave no uncertainly in his Alpha dog wannabe head that he was absolutely not leader of the pack and kids weren't to be even looked at wrong. "Dogs don't growl at kids becuase it can only get worse" was his mantra.
Then he laid into us good for teasing the poor animal. From that day forth we treated the dog better, and the dog certainly showed no further signs of impatience with us.
So, back to yesterday. I stopped my mother-in-law mid excuse and declared what the dog probably needed was a good kick in the teeth. The room fell silent and my father-in-law looked up from where he was carving a roast, knife poised, and said, "Did you just say you think my dog needs a kick in the teeth?" He's a no nonsense prairie farmer boy and can throw a stern look when he needs to. I on the other hand am a rather soft, citified desk-worker whom I'm sure he thinks hasn't really had a tough day in his life.
"Sure did", I said. "This crap with your dogs has been going on for years and it's time it stopped."
He quietly laid the knife down, came into the living room and said, "You better watch it boy," in a tone I've not heard him use in the twenty years I've known him. I didn't know whether to laugh or run. Who calls a grown man "boy" like he's ten? And in a tone that implied actual violence was pending.
Before I could really recover and respond, he let loose with a barrage of profanity and abuse which really floored me. All this right in front of the entire family. Then he stormed out, jumped in the car, and disappeared for the rest of the evening.
Obviously I hit a nerve (you think?) but I'm left with the dilemma of what to do with a) making it clear sanctioning unpredictable, annoying, and dangerous behaviour in thier pets (even the puny ones) isn't an option if they want family around and b) the question of how to react to his explosion and the damage to our relationship.
My son was really upset and kept asking us why Grandpa talked to me like that. I reassured him that Grandpa really did love me but was very upset becuase I had made a rather thoughtless remark about a dog he really loved. As we were leaving at the end of the evening (still sans Grandpa) I left a note in his den apologizing for the remark, noting I didn't handle my concern over the dog well.
Still, we are all shocked and upset he would let loose in such a way in front of our kid. Yes, I've already admitted to my wife it was a stupid way to advance the conversation about the dog, but really - to call me an effing, bleepity, bleepity, bleep and go slamming doors in front of his grand kid? And frankly, despite my poor handling of it, I'm really hurt myself. He's been better than a father to me for a couple of decades and I can't believe the person I was seeing confront me.
I guess I'm not sure what I really am looking from you guys. As my online family I suppose I just wanted to relate an upsetting story, but also wonder how you all might handle the various elements to this sad tale.
Talk about a ruined holiday weekend.
