Blonde Joke Marathon

[Darren Smith]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

One blonde asks another blonde which is closer, London or the moon. So she answers the moon is closer. The first"how do you know?" <br />.<br /><br />.<br /><br />HELLoooOOOO... can you see London from here?

 

[Peter J Fraser]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

LF,<br />I think you got em with that last one.<br /><br />

 

[wannagofishin]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Know how a blonde is getting ready to say something smart?<br /><br />She begins with "A man once told me . . ."

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Originally posted by D. Mumford:<br /> Know how a blonde is getting ready to say something smart?<br /><br />She begins with "A man once told me . . ."

And if it is something she has said before, she starts with, "Once upon a time....."

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They<br />were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid<br />bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they<br />belonged.<br /><br />So they pressured the administration to set up a new<br />Department especially for them. The university agreed, and<br />set up the Blonde Education Department.<br /><br />The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own<br />where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they<br />really belonged now.<br /><br />They wanted other students to see that they weren't just<br />stupid bimbos -- after all, they now had their own department<br />at the university.<br /><br />So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the<br />Blonde Education Department which sports the saying: <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"I Belong in B.E.D."

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Once there was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They all <br />decided to see who was the bravest so they went to Old Man <br />Hickory's house, knowing that he was crazy. They snuck up to the <br />front door, and rang the door bell. They heard the man coming, <br />calling "Whoever is out there I have a shot gun and I am gonna <br />shoot you dead!" So the three girls raced up the nearest tree to <br />hide from him. Old Man Hickory was searching around his <br />property, then he came to the tree and called- "Is there anyone <br />up there? Im gonna shoot you dead!" So the brunette started to <br />make bird sounds, "Tweet Tweet." The red head got the idea and <br />started to make owl sounds, "Hoo Hoo." The blonde also wanted to <br />be in the fun, and she called out <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"Moooooo."

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

A blonde woman walks into a chemist and asks the assistant for some<br />bottom deodorant. The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the<br />woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.<br /><br />The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has<br />been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like<br />some more.<br /><br />The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they<br />don't stock, or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the thick<br />blonde pillock and says, "One moment please, I will get the chemist."<br /><br />The chemist looks at the blonde and says, "Can I help you miss?"<br /><br />"I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the blonde.<br /><br />"I'm sorry," says the chemist, "we don't have any."<br /><br />"But I always get it here," says the blonde.<br /><br />"Do you have the container it comes in?"<br /><br />"Yes!" Said the blonde, "I will go and get it."<br /><br />She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks<br />at it and says to the her "This is just a normal stick of under arm<br />deodorant".<br /><br />The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud<br />from the container, <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"To apply, push up bottom."

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

 

[KaGee]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Don't know how you keep coming up with them Spinner! <br /><br />"B.E.D"

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted <br />to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so <br />she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how <br />do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at <br />this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." <br />She thanked the officer and he drives off.<br /><br />Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, <br />sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The <br />officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the <br />Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That <br />was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, <br />"Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />The 45th bus just went by!"<br />Here's your sign.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself.<br /><br />And as the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the<br />possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.<br /><br />Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.<br /><br />She approaches the stunned guy and asks, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"<br /><br />"Ten years!" he says.<br /><br />She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pocket of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man!" "Is that ever good!"<br /><br />She then asks him, "How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?"<br /><br />Trembling, he replies, "Ten Years!"<br /><br />She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swing, and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!"<br /><br />Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"<br /><br />The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, "Oh sweet Lord God!" <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes <br />were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the <br />questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by <br />asking, "What is 59+2?"<br />The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?" <br />The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give <br />her another chance!"<br />Then they asked, "What is 15-5?"<br />The blonde responded, "20 right?"<br />Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her <br />another chance, give her another chance!"<br />The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1+2?"<br />"3?" said the blonde.<br />The rest of the blondes say, <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

 

[KaGee]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Me thinks the guy was blonde too!<br />

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

There were 2 blonde men and a redheaded woman hanging from a plane that <br />is going to crash. One of them has to let go to lighten the <br />plane so it wouldn't crash. The woman says: "I'm going to let <br />go because I want to be a good citizen." <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />The men clap.<br />Here's their sign

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Top Ten Blonde Inventions<br />1) The water-proof towel<br />2) Solar powered flashlight<br />3) Submarine screen door<br />4) A book on how to read<br />5) Inflatable dart board<br />6) A dictionary index<br />7) Ejector seat in a helicopter<br />8) Powdered water<br />9) Pedal-powered wheel chair<br />10) Water-proof tea bag

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Blondes, having endured years of abuse, have finally responded. <br />Here's what they have to say about redheads and brunettes!<br /><br />********* REDHEADS *********<br /><br />How do you get a redhead to argue with you?<br />Say something<br /><br />How do you get a redhead's mood to change?<br />Wait 10 seconds<br /><br />If you love a Redhead, set her free ... if she follows you <br />everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts <br />your new girlfriend in the hospital, she's yours.<br /><br />What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?<br />The piranha. They only attack in schools.<br /><br />What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?<br />Normal.<br /><br />What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every <br />night?<br />A redhead!<br /><br />How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?<br />She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl<br /><br />How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?<br />There's a hammer embedded in the monitor.<br /><br />Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.<br />One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other <br />is to let her have it.<br /><br /><br />********* BRUNETTES *********<br /><br />(The blondes have finally responded. And, boy are they ticked!)<br /><br />What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?<br />A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.<br /><br />What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?<br />Brown-bagging it.<br /><br />What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?<br />No one else wants it.<br /><br />What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?<br />Invisible.<br /><br />What's a brunette's mating call?<br />"Has the blonde left yet?"<br /><br />Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?<br />The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.<br /><br />Why is the brunette considered an evil color?<br />When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?<br /><br />What do brunettes miss most about a great party?<br />The invitation.<br /><br />What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?<br />A hostage.<br /><br />Who makes bras for brunettes?<br />Fisher-Price.<br /><br />Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?<br />It matches their mustache.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

*Alligator Shoes*<br /><br />A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She <br />wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes alot, but was very <br />reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. <br /><br />After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of <br />one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go <br />out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a <br />reasonable price!" <br /><br />The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll <br />luck out and catch yourself a big one!" <br /><br />Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on <br />catching herself an alligator. <br /><br />Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he <br />spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, <br />shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 12_foot alligator <br />swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, <br />and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. <br />Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The <br />shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped <br />the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

 

[fixin]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

edit

 

[Twidget]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

Why is the brunette considered an evil color?<br />When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

That would be my soon to be ex(thank GOD) step mother.

 

[Twidget]

Re: Blonde Joke Marathon

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one <br />night he's doing a show. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:<br /><br />"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?" "What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? <br /><br />"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"<br /><br />The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little guy sitting on your knee!"