KaGee
Admiral
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2004
- Messages
- 7,069
Runnin and hidin from Captain Connie! 
<br /><br />Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see<br /><br />"Closed for the Winter."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes <br />checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to <br />read various letters with the left eye while covering <br />the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which <br />eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took <br />a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, <br />covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read<br />the letters.<br /><br />As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears <br />streaming down her face.<br />"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get <br />emotional about getting glasses."<br /> "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had <br />my heart set on wire frames."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one <br />night with the tip of her index finger shot off.<br />"How did this happen?" the emergency room <br />doctor asked her. <br /> <br />"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde <br />replied. <br />"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" <br />"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my<br />chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these<br />breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."<br /><br />"So then?" asked the doctor.<br /><br />"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I <br />just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, <br />I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."<br /><br /> "So then?"<br /><br /> "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: <br />This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my <br />finger in the other ear before I pulled the<br /> trigger."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?<br />There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were <br />stuck on the escalators for over four hours.<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />A blonde was driving home after a game and got <br />caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was <br />covered with dents, so the next day she<br />took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that <br />she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. <br />He told her just to go home and blow into the<br />tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. <br /> <br />So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still<br />nothing happened.<br /><br />Her roommate, another blonde, came home and <br />asked, "What are you doing?"<br /><br />The first blonde told her how the repairman had <br />instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order <br />to get all the dents to pop out.<br /> <br /> The roommate rolled her eyes and said,<br />"Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the <br />windows first."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came <br />across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by <br />it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk <br />to ask what it was.<br /> <br />The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps some things hot and some things cold."<br /><br />"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing.... I'm going <br />to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took <br />it to work the next day.<br /><br />Her boss saw it on her desk. "What'd you bring in your<br />thermos," he asked?<br /><br />The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br /> A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets <br />full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful <br />(you guessed it) blonde.<br /> <br />The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.<br /><br />Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".<br /><br />Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain <br />her curiosity any longer, asked .<br />"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?" <br /><br /><br />
<br /><br />Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see<br /><br />"Closed for the Winter."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes <br />checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to <br />read various letters with the left eye while covering <br />the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which <br />eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took <br />a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, <br />covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read<br />the letters.<br /><br />As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears <br />streaming down her face.<br />"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get <br />emotional about getting glasses."<br /> "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had <br />my heart set on wire frames."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one <br />night with the tip of her index finger shot off.<br />"How did this happen?" the emergency room <br />doctor asked her. <br /> <br />"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde <br />replied. <br />"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" <br />"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my<br />chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these<br />breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."<br /><br />"So then?" asked the doctor.<br /><br />"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I <br />just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, <br />I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."<br /><br /> "So then?"<br /><br /> "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: <br />This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my <br />finger in the other ear before I pulled the<br /> trigger."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?<br />There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were <br />stuck on the escalators for over four hours.<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br />A blonde was driving home after a game and got <br />caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was <br />covered with dents, so the next day she<br />took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that <br />she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. <br />He told her just to go home and blow into the<br />tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. <br /> <br />So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still<br />nothing happened.<br /><br />Her roommate, another blonde, came home and <br />asked, "What are you doing?"<br /><br />The first blonde told her how the repairman had <br />instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order <br />to get all the dents to pop out.<br /> <br /> The roommate rolled her eyes and said,<br />"Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the <br />windows first."<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /> A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came <br />across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by <br />it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk <br />to ask what it was.<br /> <br />The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps some things hot and some things cold."<br /><br />"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing.... I'm going <br />to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took <br />it to work the next day.<br /><br />Her boss saw it on her desk. "What'd you bring in your<br />thermos," he asked?<br /><br />The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br /> A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets <br />full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful <br />(you guessed it) blonde.<br /> <br />The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.<br /><br />Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".<br /><br />Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain <br />her curiosity any longer, asked .<br />"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?" <br /><br /><br /> 
