would you let your kid use your boat again?

[Andy'sDelight]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

That?s ok, no harm, no foul, there's nothing like a good ol' thought provoking conversation.

When I read Shrew's post, I had to take a step back and think about the "why lie?"

Maybe lie out of fear? But there's really nothing to fear with this old dad, and I think, or at least would like to think that my children know that.

I think it just boils down to "doing our best to be good parents"

Hey there, my boat is named in honor and memory of my dad. We had a bit of a rough patch when I was in my late teens and early 20's. Before then, and from about 23 years old, he was always my best friend. I sadly never treated him that way, and now I will never have that opportunity again. He passed almost 3 years ago to a sudden massive heart attack. He raised me alone and quite honestly saved my life. I couldn't imagine the path I would have taken in life had he not taken me out of a dangerous, unloving lifestyle with my mother after they divorced. I thankfully had the chance to thank him when I was 26. I told him he saved my life and was the greatest father and that I loved him. He broke down crying and thanking me telling me how hard he tried and how he wasn't perfect but he loved me so much. I remember it like it was yesterday. Besides the birth of my son it was the greatest moment of my life.

Sorry for the long rant, but I just wanted to give you a little of my background before I get to giving you my advice. Personally, if you want to get to the bottom of the "why lie" question, just sit down and ask him. But the key is to ask him like a man. Ask him what it is about you or his mother that makes him afraid to tell the truth. Tell him you want to know so you can be better as a father and a friend. While you and I know he is still immature and will need guidance at only 19, in his mind he is an adult and has all the answers. It's just a natural stage of life. It's best for you to open the line of communications as much as possible so he feels he can talk to you even when he may have done something wrong. And as for the "punishment" of withholding the boat + charging $30-You're not punishing him because he's your son, you're doing exactly what you would do if it were one of your older friends. You'd ask for the money to replace items and seriously reconsider ever letting that friend use the boat again for not bringing PFD's aboard. Because he's your son he gets another chance. Be sure to let him know that.

Best of luck to you. A father/son relationship is truly one of God's greatest gifts to man. There's nothing like it.

 

[Thajeffski]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I disagree. the refund at the end of the summer is an exclamation point on the lesson.

It says "The money is not now and never was the issue. I love you enough to make you do it right. You've proven to me that you've learned how to do it right. So here's the money, take your girl out and continue to do it right"

It will help him remember the lesson longer. (and make dad look even bigger in his eyes)

While that may be your opinion, being a teacher and long time worker with kids. I think that kids understand one thing. "How does it effect me"

If he screwed up and the dad said "well it's coming out of your allowance, BUT if you don't mess up again then I'll pay for it"

it's as good as saying "I'll pay for it"

No lesson learned.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

He pays for the missing stuff, 19 year old's are not the most responsible for the most part. Next time run through the whole procedure and give him a check list to follow. If he sneers at that then he does not use the boat.
Our children used the check list method for quite a while. They now know it "parrot fashion" and talk through it each time from memory.
They are all responsible boaters and treat our outfit really well.
He will learn, it's part of growing up.

 

[tswiczko]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

Oh please! Do you know this gentleman or the kid? Yes, some kids are afraid of talking clearly to their parents because their parents can be impossible to reason with. Some kids just plain lie, lie, lie to get out of trouble.

I don't know them either.. but I don't think it was out of fear that he lied.
Probably more embarassed and self conscious of the fact he screwed up and was trying to save face with his friend(AKA DAD)

I was on friendly terms with my parents and the were not my friend they were my PARENTS first and foremost, they were there to pat me on the back when I done well, to kick me in the a%$ when I screwed up and to give me advice when I wasn't sure how to procede in the face of adversity or had a problem that I needed to talk about. (wait a minute that does sounds like a best friend). No woder I turned out O.K.

Like I said before good job getting him to fess up to his mistake that was the most important thing was to get him to be honest

Now quit holding his hand he's nineteen make him do a safe boater course I know as parents we feel it is our job to teach them everything but the reality of it is there are things they don't want to learn from us (that's what gives them their self identity and individuality)if he takes his girl they could call it a date

then he can take you out on the boat and you can learn something from him for a change

I remember how it made me feel to show my father how to do something a better way. It gave me a sense of fulfillment

now I learn from my kids ages 25,18,14, and 4 but I still give them a swift kici in the a%$ once in a while I guess you could be thankfull it was just a pig tail and safety chains instead of bringing his date home and saying "GRANDPA we have a surprise for you"

 

[korygrandy]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

If it were me at 19...I would've replaced the chains etc myself w/o my dad knowing...only to find out a month later he noticed right away because the chains were nice and new and the electrical plug was just a little bit different.

I borrowed my dad's truck with some friends. This was after I had been prewatned a while back about never taking it offroad. What did I do, listend to all my friends saying take it offroad. All was well until I parked at my friends to hose down the truck.

I couldn't get it started again and my dad had to come over. He knew in a minute I had been offroading and this was after all the water had dried up.

Just teach him the importance of making checlists in your head. Or be annoying as crap about these checklists and he will eventually learn (in my case).

Some kids don't have a mechanical bone in there bodies and are as he states "scatter brained". You need to focus on the task at hand or you will live a very frustrating (and expensive) life.

 

[mr.Johnson]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

He knew in a minute I had been offroading and this was after all the water had dried up.

My dad didn't want me hot rodding his pickup, (I did one time and busted a concrete laundry tray he had gotten for one of his customers) after that, he put a small box with gravel in it in the back, and locked the canopy so I couldn't get to it, if the box spilled, I lost the truck, as long as I could keep the gravel in the box, I could use the truck.

I was always watching through the back window of the cab into the canopy to see where that box of gravel was, it was a clever idea, the only drawback was that I couldn't use the truck to haul anything unless I asked in advance because he would have to unlock the canopy for me.

he liked to put that box of gravel smack dab in the middle of the truck bed. stomp the gas and it would slide to the tail gate, slam on the brakes and it would slide to the back to the cab, make a sharp high speed turn and sideways it would go. I drove like I had an egg under the throttle pedel.

 

[grouper getter]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I'm 19 when I was 16 I used my savings to buy a boat since then I've made every mistake in the book. Every time I mess up in boating it teaches me something new, fixing outboards, water cops are brutal, boating is fun, but expensive... People learn by trial and error, so give the kid a brake. He should have to buy the harness and chains, but should retain his boat privileges. Let him take the boat out more often. How else will he learn? Isn't that the way you learned?

Girls on the boat first time out was a poor choice.

 

[MAC ATTACK]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

What gets me is how would everyone respond if it was the plug he forgot and the boat was under water?

The OP did the right thing. I have a 19 year old and he would not take my boat out again after that (especially no PFD's with a guest) until further outings together.

 

[wnaplay]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I am 33 years old, I have teenage kids and have owned various boats since I became an adult. I am extremely responsible and my dad still refuses to let me use his boat. Even though I have a boat just as nice as his however his is in a different state.

 

[nofuss]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

There is one little thing that might have helped. I was introduced to boating by a friend as a teenager, and I was one of the persons on the boat when he eventually got the boat without his parents on board.
but there were rules.
1. and I think this may have helped in your case. every one of us had to be on the last few runs with his dad where all dad did was sip on beer and walk from the passenger seat of jeep to the boat. Yes this included the girlfriends. we would have just turned 18.
2. there were checks to be done and everyone of us had to know the checks and y they were done.
3. the only one to carry alcohol on the boat was dad. and he would not be there LOL
4.we had to be in the water and back to the house by a certain time. yes we all had to report back. then we drop the girlfriends home afterward.
5. the part we did not know, dad had some look outs throwing a watchful eye and reporting back to him on our performance.

firstly if the girlfriend is made part of the crew, he is less likely to forget things because she is part of the setting up. he is not rushing to finish to spend time with her. She is also another brain to remember what needs to be done. this removes a lot of the risk and shifts some of the responsibility to her making her less likely to hurry him even if he does everything.
So my suggestion is the next trip they take u and the admiral along and they do all the work. (He should not pay for the chain, thats your fault LOL) and your admitting that you are at fault for losing the bolt and not replacing it would be a guide for him, but he still has some fault for losing it. and then he has to pay for the pigtail. it you get him to get the girlfriend involved in the boat then something like the PDFs she would remember.
if they take u out and all goes well then they get to take it out alone again.
and dont let him take people who have not been on the boat with u by himself, until he is able to handle it all by himself, at least a few trips.
we want to give freedom but want to show the serious side too

No FUSS

 

[shrew]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I never intended to accuse anyone of anything or offend anyone. If I did, then I am truly sorry as that was not the intent. I never stated that I agreed or disagreed with the OP. I never stated that I agreed or disagreed with the son. At no point did I state either was right or wrong. I made no judgement of the father or the son, nor did I ascert a judement in my post. I simply posed a series of questions. Ok, I admit that I stated "I suspect this is a pattern". Keep in mind, a suspicion is neither a fact nor an accusation. I only intended to try and make sure that all possible sides of a situation are being considered.

Forums are intended to post requests for advice and opinions. When you do, you're going to get them whether they're right, wrong or otherwise. Again, I sincerely apologize for asking a series of questions and posing an alternate perspective that has offended anyone. I encourage anyone who is offended by this or any other post of mine to simply block me so you don't suffer my opinions.

 

[Mark SF]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

You can't forget the PFDs if you're wearing them. That would be my rule (and I do apply this to myself when boating), PFDs must be worn at all times by him and any passengers including during launching and retrieval. Most drownings happen at the dock.

When you have an accident, the PFDs are no use unless you're wearing them at the time.