would you let your kid use your boat again?

[NC State Guy]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

My dad would let me drive the boat on the water and let me haul the trailer as long as he was in the presence. Never could I take it out on my own.. I left for college at 18 and he quit taking the boat out. He gave me the boat 4 yrs later no strings attached. I kept it a year and it ran into huge engine problems. I was still in college, going on to vet school and broke as hell, and couldn't afford any repairs for years to come. Dad didnt want to get involved financially, although he could surely afford it. I had no choice but to give the family boat away. Well I tracked it down (13 yrs later) the motor had been rebuilt, but left sitting in a shop, the boat was left outside to the elements. 2 years of fiberglassin, cutting, painting,wiring etc etc it is now probably in better shape than when I initially got it at 22(i'm now 40). Dad taught me the valuable lesson of responsibility and I sure hope to pass it on to my 3 kids. They will have to be responsible for their actions, that is the best way to learn and remember.

Anyway, I think your son should pay up, and wash and wax that boat. I wouldn't let him take my daughter out again on a boat date if he is going to put her life at risk without a PFD. It's called responsibility. If he learns to be responsible, he won't have time to be scatter brained. My 2 cents.

 

[DaNinja]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

Brief suspension and pay for the missing stuff.
He won't make the same mistakes again.


He'll make new mistakes...like the rest of us.

 

[mr.Johnson]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

When I was a kid, my dad had a boat, it was a 1955 14 foot "Gull" and it had a 1955 Merc mark 55 (I think it was a 40 horse) that boat was a family affair, we completely restored it and each kid had a job to do that was suited to our abilities, I remember I got the job of rebuilding the front walk through seat and upholstering it, all done in grade school shop class.

These days, kids don't seem too interested in helping, but more interested in borrowing.

my kid finally fessed up tonight, he left the stuff on the back bumper of the truck when he drove his girlfriend home, and it fell off somewhere between here and there.

As for the PFD?s he said he just plum forgot them when they took off in the boat.

So we?ve come to a resolution over this situation, he?s grounded from the boat for 3 weeks for not having the life jackets, and next time he goes out, dad?s going as a chaperone, (just to see that he does what he?s supposed to do) (I?ll bet the girlfriend don?t go on that trip:redface:, he?ll probably take one of his buddies fishing or something)

As for the chains and pig tail, he paid me for them tonight, he will get the 30 bucks back at the end of the summer provided nothing else goes missing.

How he lost them could have happened to anyone, and believe me, I?m a master at being forgetful.

As for fibbing to me because he didn?t want to fess up to what he did, if he fibs again, there will be no more boat ?period

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, I have put them to good use, and I think in this case, the ?punishment? is fare and just.

 

[lncoop]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I agree. Nice work Dad.

 

[z284u2try]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

The old leaving stuff on the bumper. I was always good at that one when I was young. Once left my flip flops there and could not for the life of me find them in the truck. My buddy spotted one on the back of the truck and one never to be seen again.

 

[Home Cookin']

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I can add flavor to the stuff on the bumper trick--set something on the bumper, drop the tailgate, dent the tailgate and squish the stuff on the bumper. The fragility of the item is directly proportionate to the force of the drop.

A trailer latch in the up position will leave an "I am stupid" mark for all the world to see. Don't ask me how I know. It will also allign itself vertically with the dent from the unhitched trailer's winch stand.

But here's a couple of corollary rules:
1. Items of no value will ride all the way home on a bumper.
2. Beer cans on a bumper will cause you to drive in front of a policeman.

 

[marlboro180]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

Glad you kid fessed up. Nothing hurts trust like a fib. I guess he and his date the going out on the water without PFD thing would really chaff my arse the most.

Just a thought- When you go together ( you as chaperon) what if you make it so he is the Captain, you are the first mate . O r is that what you were thinking anyway? . My thought is that then he has to be responsible for everything that goes on- trailering, safety equipment , running, etc. and you can make mental notes along the way to see how he does.

The only thing I see wrong with this scenario is that he will not have the distraction of a pretty lil thing in his company. Maybe bring her along? Nothing like a little stress with trying to impress Dad and a date at the same time

 

[mr.Johnson]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

Just a thought- When you go together ( you as chaperon) what if you make it so he is the Captain, you are the first mate .....

that's my plan exactly, I'm just along for the ride, he's going to be doing everything, or having his buddy help him, we'll pretend I'm not there, kinda like a 250 pound "fly on the wall". I'll step in if I see him getting into trouble.

 

[tlombard]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I can't remember leaving anything on the bumper but last October I apparently left my cell phone on the roof of my SUV. I thought I had left it at the kickball field (yes, I play in an adult kickball league) until I found it four months later. I was driving home from work and heard something rattling around on my roof. I figured it was a stick because I park under a tree every day so I didn't think anything of it until I stopped at Home Depot to price some electrical equipment and saw something reflecting light on my roof. It seems that the phone got wedged in the roof rack and spent four months up there complete with rain, snow and freezing cold. It had bounced free and then got hung up on the very last rail. I doubt it would have made it the rest of the way home had I not stopped. Of course it doesn't work but at least I know what happened to it now.

 

[NC State Guy]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

Good work Dad. Lesson learned

 

[tswiczko]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

You don't think he had a little distraction

I can remember being 19(that was 25 years ago) and all I could think about was...... well you know what raging hormones are like

Good job getting him to fess up, thats more important than the money.

Maybe their next date should be a safe boater course

She might turn out to be a better boater than him

 

[waterinthefuel]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

After all, it's not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean....

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

What I would do is test him, basically as you have said you would. To get my mechanics license, I had to go through the motions on some repairs, inspections, etc. The instructor would watch, and say nothing, unless I goofed and that meant an F.

He shouldn't be able to take the boat out until he makes a perfect A. Forget ANYTHING, from the pigtail on the bumper to locking the truck door before departure, and he fails and must retake the test at a later date.

He'll eventually get it all right and be ready to venture out on his own.

 

[shrew]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I have to agree with the majority of sentiments. It's easy to forget things and we're human. How many times have you forgotten something or made a stupid mistake?

I would be asking myself a very different question. What have I done in the past 19 years that has reinforced such behavior that your 19 year old son is too afraid to admit when a simple oversight occurs.

You're gut reaction was to come down on him like a hammer. I suspect this has been a pattern repeated for 19 years. The root issue is accountability and honesty. He knew he made a stupid mistake and he decided to twist the truth to avoid YOU. I'd be asking myself how I can foster an adult relationship with my child who is now becoming a man. I suspect he lied because he's simply afraid of you and your reaction.

Is this how you want to send him forth in the world? Do you still want an adult/child relationship with him when he's 40? As he gets older he's just going move out, then call less and less while you listen to your wife cry about it more and more. Maybe you need to consider how YOU'RE approaching such situations.

 

[waterinthefuel]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

Nice writeup Shrew. Good points made. People are quick to point out that he lied, but not so quick to analyze why. If he was scared of someone blowing up in his face, he might have been justified in lying. Without the entire story, people should refrain from putting in their 2 cents.

My first post in this thread still remains. I did not even acknowledge the lying, I am more worried about him passing his test.

 

[Thajeffski]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

dont give him back the 30 bucks, no lesson learned if you do.

 

[imported_John o]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

dont give him back the 30 bucks, no lesson learned if you do.

I disagree. the refund at the end of the summer is an exclamation point on the lesson.

It says "The money is not now and never was the issue. I love you enough to make you do it right. You've proven to me that you've learned how to do it right. So here's the money, take your girl out and continue to do it right"

It will help him remember the lesson longer. (and make dad look even bigger in his eyes)

 

[mr.Johnson]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I would be asking myself a very different question. What have I done in the past 19 years that has reinforced such behavior that your 19 year old son is too afraid to admit when a simple oversight occurs.

You're gut reaction was to come down on him like a hammer....

This has got to be the most thought provoking post I've ever read.

There?s always "more to the story" as with any story, the lying bothers me.

His mom and I are many years divorced, so I can't say with certainty where he picked up the problem with fibbing.

But when it comes to boating, and safety, and being "pilot in command of a vessel" there is no room for lies.

When he fessed up, I brushed off the lie like it never happened, and simply said, "That could have happened to anyone"

The child in question has had a history in recent years of lying, his mom and I have had many conversations about it over the phone when she's caught him in a fib.

Mom tends to hammer, I tend to be passive, but regardless of whose personality promotes which kind of behavior, I want my kids comfortable enough around me that they don't feel the need to fib.

As a 19 year old teenager, I feel my son is a little irresponsible, maybe a tad bit immature for his age, but at the same time, he's becoming a man and needs to learn some of the responsibilities of being a man, and one of those responsibilities is being honest with himself as well as his family.

Hope that makes sense.
While my son shows an interest in boating, I'd like to turn him into a responsible boater (he tends to favor video games, and TV) I?d like to show him that there's a lot more to life then his play station 3.

We are tentively planning to go out on Sunday for a "lets get acquainted boating and our boat" cruse, I'll keep you posted.

 

[Nandy]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I have to agree with the majority of sentiments. It's easy to forget things and we're human. How many times have you forgotten something or made a stupid mistake?

I would be asking myself a very different question. What have I done in the past 19 years that has reinforced such behavior that your 19 year old son is too afraid to admit when a simple oversight occurs.

You're gut reaction was to come down on him like a hammer. I suspect this has been a pattern repeated for 19 years. The root issue is accountability and honesty. He knew he made a stupid mistake and he decided to twist the truth to avoid YOU. I'd be asking myself how I can foster an adult relationship with my child who is now becoming a man. I suspect he lied because he's simply afraid of you and your reaction.

Is this how you want to send him forth in the world? Do you still want an adult/child relationship with him when he's 40? As he gets older he's just going move out, then call less and less while you listen to your wife cry about it more and more. Maybe you need to consider how YOU'RE approaching such situations.

Oh please! Do you know this gentleman or the kid? Yes, some kids are afraid of talking clearly to their parents because their parents can be impossible to reason with. Some kids just plain lie, lie, lie to get out of trouble.

The man did not even set a punishment until he cooled down how many days after the fact? He kept giving his kid a chance to confess.. Hes making the kid man up to his mistake and is willing to let him use the boat again if he can prove to his dad that he can handle the responsability.

I honestly find your words a bit inflammatory and offensive and I am not even the OP.

 

[Nandy]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

This has got to be the most thought provoking post I've ever read.

There?s always "more to the story" as with any story, the lying bothers me.

His mom and I are many years divorced, so I can't say with certainty where he picked up the problem with fibbing.

But when it comes to boating, and safety, and being "pilot in command of a vessel" there is no room for lies.

When he fessed up, I brushed off the lie like it never happened, and simply said, "That could have happened to anyone"

The child in question has had a history in recent years of lying, his mom and I have had many conversations about it over the phone when she's caught him in a fib.

Mom tends to hammer, I tend to be passive, but regardless of whose personality promotes which kind of behavior, I want my kids comfortable enough around me that they don't feel the need to fib.

As a 19 year old teenager, I feel my son is a little irresponsible, maybe a tad bit immature for his age, but at the same time, he's becoming a man and needs to learn some of the responsibilities of being a man, and one of those responsibilities is being honest with himself as well as his family.

Hope that makes sense.

You beat me to it Mr Johnson. I think you did a wonderful job. Congrats!

 

[mr.Johnson]

Re: would you let your kid use your boat again?

I honestly find your words a bit inflammatory and offensive and I am not even the OP.

That?s ok, no harm, no foul, there's nothing like a good ol' thought provoking conversation.

When I read Shrew's post, I had to take a step back and think about the "why lie?"

Maybe lie out of fear? But there's really nothing to fear with this old dad, and I think, or at least would like to think that my children know that.

I think it just boils down to "doing our best to be good parents"