Would you let your daughter...

[Homerr]

My 17yo daughter started to date a kid that is 18. He has a job, and plans to go to college this fall.<br /><br />So the inevitable question gets asked... Do I approve of this guy?<br /><br />I have to say NO. My daughter is still in high school, and has plans to go to college herself.<br />The boy is 18, an adult, and he's going to college filled with young women his age and older. I admire the fact he has a job and he has plans for his future, but he's now an adult. My daughter isn't.<br /><br />Do you really think he's going to mess around and wait for my daughter to get out of high school? I don't think so!<br /><br />I realize my daughter has to learn the hard way about things like this. I think she needs to get her head on straight, and stop being in such a hurry for romance. She needs to focus on finishing high school and get into college.<br /><br />Am I just being narrow-minded and set in my old-ways or?<br /><br />The Wife and I do not agree on this issue. She doesn't see anything wrong with the fact the boy is an adult, and my daughter is a minor. <br /><br /><br />H.

 

[sangerwaker]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

I know it's hard to let your little girl grow up, Homerr. Facts are facts, there's only 1 year of differnce in age. Would you approve of him in a year when SHE is 18? I've never been or never will (only a son) be faced with this situation, but my opinion, as an outsider looking in, is as long as he treats her well, it's all good.

 

[ED21]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

As a father of a 16 year old I agree with you.<br />With only a year difference in age I'm not sure if anybody will listen or agree w/ you.<br />College & high school 2 different stages of life & I wouldn't want them to mix.<br />Count me as narrow minded & set in my ways too.

 

[JustMrWill]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

1. If daughter has waited this long to be "active" then her judgement and will-power are to be be commended. I would allow her to keep making her own choices.<br /><br />2. Would you have problems with her dating a 17 year old? Do you think that a 17 year old boys hormones are any less than an 18 year old?<br /><br />3. If you wait until she is 18 and on own then who will be around to "assist" in her decission making? I have a friend with over-protective father. She was not allowed to do anything. The moment that she was "free" she went crazy...drinking, drugs...the works. If she was allowed to get out some when she was younger..it wouldn't have been such a "thrill" when she finally was free.<br /><br />I have a 17 year old daughter...so I am not just "preaching". She is progressively getting more and more freedoms as long as she doesn't abuse them. We need to know who she is with...where she is going and when she will be back....call if any of the above change. I have taught her as much as she is willing to learn at this point...not I have to let her make her own mistakes...if not ..she will never grow up.<br /><br />just my $.02<br /><br />-JustMrWill

 

[Cranky18]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

I started dating my wife when she was 18 and I was 20. Granted, if I was her father at the time I probably would not have let me date her We eventually got married and have been married for 24 years now. If he goes to college and finds someone else, it is one of life's hard lessons. Sometimes you have give your sons and daughters a little space (along with a little guidance).

 

[txswinner]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

Dad, Anything you do to stop it will just create the defense of the issue at all cost. It is ok but maintain High School rules, curfews, no overnights, limit time in week and more than anything welcome them into YOUR home. Good luck. Been there done that and have the T-shirt, there are no guarantees.

 

[JamesCoste]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

I was 19 (a sophomore in college) and dated a 16 year old (a junior in high school). We dated for 3 1/2 years straight and I dated nobody else but her. We would have married if I had not moved away when I finished college. Many of our first dates involved supper at her parents house or mine. Her dad's sister-in-law knew me well from church and strongly encouraged them to allow us to date. Because of her age, it was nearly 6 months before I dared even to kiss her. I had lots of emotional feelings for her and did not want anything physical to mess up a good Christian-based dating relationship.<br /><br />I, as you could guess, see no problem with your daughter dating someone just months older than her. I would consider getting to know the young man yourself before letting him take her out too often. I would set reasonable curfews and guidelines for them. Let your daughter learn from her own mistakes if you think they won't be too "costly". Sometimes children need "shielding", sometimes they need freedom to learn from their own mistakes.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

You are trying to protect your daughter from a heartbreak and you cant.<br /><br />All you can tell her is that you think this guy is gonna forget her, but banning the relationship would be a mistake.<br /><br />Ken

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

All I can say from my own experience is that if my parents actually liked the guy I was dating, I decided I didn't like him anymore. If they absolutely hated his guts and forbid me to see him, I couldn't get enough of him.<br /><br />There are some things that are really out of your control. Have faith in the good judgment you've taught her and she will eventually find someone you approve of. In the meantime, somethings us gals just have to figure out for ourself. Give her your love and support and all will turn out well in the end.

 

[Parrott_head]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

I'm with the majority on this. Nothing is sweeter than forbidden fruit.<br />Sounds like your daughter has used good judgement so far.<br /><br />If it puts you mind at ease you could sit down and visit with her about your concerns but let her know the decision is hers alone. Let her know if there are problems of ANY kind you will be there for her.<br /><br />Would you prefer her to date a person her own age who as no ambition or plans for the future?

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

If you trust your daughter’s judgment you need not worry about his. If you’re trying to help her avoid getting her heart broken you can't. But you can be there to console her if/when it happens. And remember "I told you so" is not really consoling. As far as liking or trusting the boyfriend, all you need to be up front is civil and courteous time will tell if he is likeable or not.

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

We are in the 21st century, "Homerr"!!!!<br /><br />The only way that you are going to keep her away from that 18 year old is to lock her up!!!

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

Speaking from raising 3 daughters here, the above posts have hit it spot on Homerr.<br /><br />If you "guard" too much, you will alienate your daughter toward you.<br /><br />If she has good head on her shoulders, then she will understand your "Rules" and live by them.<br /><br />You would be surprised at how smart some of today's kids really are.<br /><br />Now my 3 are grown up and have families of their own, except the youngest one which has no desire to do so, and I feel good about getting them raised up without any bad things going wrong.<br /><br />Just give her some "space", she will do the right thing.<br />Good luck with her.

 

[ehenry]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

I can't comment on what I'd let my daughter do Like SangerWalker I only have a son and he's dating a young lady thats only a year younger. Mine is a senior in highschool this year, she'll be a junior. My boy has a job,a ride, and is planning on going to college when he graduates. I trust him to make good decisions and I'm flattered that the young ladys he's is seeing parents trust him enough to allow him to date their daughter. They trust him and her to do the right thing......I guess what I'm saying is you got to trust yourself and the way you raised your kids. Like JustMrWill said...it seems like she's got her head screwed on straight. Like LadyFish said....she got rid of the guy she was seeing and her folks liked him!!! Had they forbid it she'd have kept on seeing him.

 

[rwise]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

It could be worse! But if you don't like him, don't tell her! Take him fishing, get to know him, tell her she found a good one, he'll be gone! (If you like him, reserve comment for later.) That's just the way it works, but it could be worse, really.

 

[saxis]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

I starting dating a high school junior in my second year of college. We were 3 school years apart, but only 2 by age. I was the only person her parents trusted her with until we started dating. After trying to stop her from seeing me for a year, she moved out with a friend for a year, and we got our own place after she graduated. Been married for a a year and 2 months and have a 1 year old daughter already. Now her parents resent trying to force us apart, and they trust me again.<br /><br />Sometimes you just can't stop it no matter how hard you try!

 

[JB]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

Most 17 year old girls are way more mature and "adult" than most 18 YO boys.<br /><br />She is merely dating the guy, isn't she? Adolescent romances come and go; there is no reason to believe she has made, or will make, a life commitment, though most of them believe it is forever at the time.<br /><br />A 17 year old is not going to take orders. She may take or reject advice depending on how much she trusts your reasoning, but it is too late for you to exercise control over her.<br /><br />Leave it alone. Treat the boy courteously and don't try to protect your daughter from the realities of life. It is high time for her to learn, while she still has the refuge of home and family to fall back on.

 

[Homerr]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

Thanks for all the GREAT advice everyone.<br /><br />It's not that I'm trying to stop her. I never really have. I've made it a point to not 'sugar-coat' anything when I talk to my kids. I tell them like it is.<br /><br />My 17yo is strong-willed and is one of those types that have to learn things on her own. You can't tell her and expect her to learn.<br /><br />I'll step back on this one and see how it plays out. She really hasn't had a real heart-break yet, and it's only a matter of time before she does. And I know I'll feel the pain with her.<br /><br />Now as far as me meeting this young buck... I'm not quite sure how to handle this one either. (other than having my shotgun at arms reach) <br /><br /><br />Thanks again...<br /><br />H.

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

I'm from the old school also, "BUT" we seem to remember that after we have girls, cause when I was 16ish, like probably a few others on this forum, I was dating a few girls!!!<br /><br />My daughter,36 now, seemed to have the same atitude of your daughter!!! She must have listened to what I and the wife had to say about sexual relations with the opposit!!! Don't know if she was permiscuous,(afraid to ask) but she waited to be 25 to marry and planned parent hood, waited 5 more years to bless us with the 1st granddaughter and then a 2nd!!!!<br /><br /> "GOOD LUCK"!!!

 

[Boomyal]

Re: Would you let your daughter...

Originally posted by Homerr:<br /> (other than having my shotgun at arms reach)

Arms reach, heck! Slung over your shoulder would be more like it.