"Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

SpinnerBait_Nut

SpinnerBait_Nut

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A couple of rednecks are out in the Tennessee woods<br />hunting when Clem suddenly grabs his chest and<br />falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing;<br />his eyes are rolled back in his head. Billy Joe Bob whips<br />out his cell phone and calls 911 He gasps to the<br />operator, "I think Clem is dead! What should I do?"<br /> <br /> The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just<br />take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's<br />make sure he's dead."<br /> <br />There is a silence.......and then a shot is heard. Billy Joe Bob's voice comes back on the line,<br /> <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />"Okay, now what???" :D :D
 
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NYMINUTE

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

:D :D :D <br /><br />Know the last words a redneck says before he dies?<br /><br />Hey y'all watch this!!
 
KaGee

KaGee

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

OH Spinner.... ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!<br />
4_1_72.gif
 
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spratt

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. <br />"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled. <br /><br />"That sounds wonderful," said Jed. <br /><br />"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us." <br /><br />"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?" <br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br /><br />"Baaaaa..."
 
G

gaugeguy

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

:D :D <br /><br />Here's another redneck funny...<br /><br />Windows for Rednecks<br /><br /><br />
bubba.jpg
 
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spratt

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

Redneck Engineering Exam<br /><br />1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. <br />2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO <br />3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product? <br />4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees? <br />5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer? <br />6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? <br />7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land? <br />8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields? <br />9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? <br />10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?
 
sangerwaker

sangerwaker

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

Spinner, that was a good one! :D <br /><br />Spratt, that was baaaaaaaaad! :p :D
 
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spratt

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

Redneck Engineering Exam<br /><br />1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. <br /><br />2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) '66 Ford Fairlane b) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) '64 Pontiac GTO <br /><br />3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product? <br /><br />4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees? <br /><br />5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer? <br /><br />6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? <br /><br />7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land? <br /><br />8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields? <br /><br />9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? <br /><br />10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?
 
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spratt

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

How can you tell if a redneck is married? <br /> *<br /> *<br /> *<br /> *<br /> *<br /> *<br /> *<br /> *<br /> * <br />There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
 
SpinnerBait_Nut

SpinnerBait_Nut

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

I knew I would get something started. :D :D
 
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spratt

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

OMG...here I am crackin' up at work and folks all around wanna see this Palm Pilot for $0.29 cents!!!!!! ROTFLMREO!!!!!!!!!!
 
KaGee

KaGee

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

Originally posted by NYMINUTE:<br />
3.gif
<br />Best Buy or :D Walgreens $.29
Click to expand...
Everybody knows that THE only place for "Official" Redneck gear is WALMART! ($.27 BTW)
 
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NYMINUTE

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

Originally posted by Stratosfied:<br /> I resemble some of these remarks! :D
Click to expand...
No way Red necks don't have mirrors, oh darn I forgot about the one on the 66 Fairlane
 
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spratt

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead." <br />An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"<br /><br />Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK. Ummmmm...five?"<br /><br />Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
 
SpinnerBait_Nut

SpinnerBait_Nut

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Re: "Why Rednecks are not Paramedics"

Originally posted by spratt:<br /> How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."
Click to expand...
Easy there spratt, easy. :D :D :D
 
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