When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

[bruceb58]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

My youngest brother who is 51 years old still lives at home! He has a GF where he stays half the time and the other time he is there with my parents. Pays no rent! He is our black sheep of the family.

 

[ricohman]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

I have two boys living with me. One is 20 and the other 19. The older is in University and working part time so I don't charge him anything. The younger is working full time and is going to University this fall so I am not charging him anything either. But he better be saving!
As long as these two can get their education done and get started with life, I don't care about rent.

 

[dingbat]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

My youngest brother who is 51 years old still lives at home! He has a GF where he stays half the time and the other time he is there with my parents. Pays no rent! He is our black sheep of the family.

every family has one of those. My middle brother is 53. I don't think he has lived on his own more than a couple years at a time since he turned 18

 

[coolbri70]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

had a guy across the street in his 60s lived with his mom, drank and smoked all day, his mom taking care of him. she passed last summer, he lost the home by the fall, not sure where he went, just that he no longer comes by begging for cig money. a young family with young children just bought and moved into the house. so I guess if they havnt become self sufficent by their 60s, it must be too late

 

[Bigprairie1]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

...some of the backstory to this is that we had our 22+ year old nephew come and live with us for a few months a couple of years ago. His parents (very nice people) live quite a ways away and he wanted to experience our 'neck of the woods'.
So, no worries....no problemo, he is welcome as family always is....to come and stay with us. My wife put him to work at the store she manages and we set out a very inexpensive 'room and board' cost.....something like $50 a week or something like that. I don't think that was even breaking even on the way that young man can devour food, milk....you name it...LOL
Well, I think there were some minor hidden hard feelings about charging him this later on. He didn't give the money up lightly at weeks or months end and he preferred the money he made really to go to his own stuff.....and that is certainly what he is used to at home. He is now 25....still at home and still not paying any room and board....and lovin' it on many levels!!!
He was a bit resentful and sharp with me once when he said he wanted to get himself a mountain bike and I asked him what his budget was. He pretty much laughed and said...'whatever it takes to get the one I want'....ok. As it turned out he got one for around $1000 or a little more followed by several hundred bucks worth of the gear that goes with it....all of it pretty nice stuff although he was a novice rider with respect to offroad riding.
He's a nice kid (...or..ah, young adult), really funny and personable but apparently these days he is starting to struggle socially and it seems he is starting to get left off the 'most preferred' list with the ladies due to his home and family dependence. It seems he is not taken quite as seriously as the other young men he knows who have moved on into independence outside the family home.
No real spoken difficulty with the family (his parents) or him around the room and board issue we charged him (luckily?)...but I don't think anyone on that end thought it was appropriate to charge him under 'the family' conditions.
So...increasingly, since his stay here....we have seen more and more of that type of arrangement with the young people around us in the community at large (family, friends, etc) and quite a bit of the 'no personal budget' line of thinking when it comes to personal lifestyle shopping. However, the idea of paying rent or room and board before the 'fun stuff'....is simply not on and it doesn't need to be with the full soft landing waiting at home.
I was wondering how in the world can anyone learn to move into independence, self determination and responsible manhood with that kind of home facilitation?....again, he is a nice kid...I really like him and get along well with him but this choice of methods looks like its going to start doing more harm than good over the next 5 years......or?
None of this is my immediate problem...but I find it interesting as heck...and it seems to be quite an emerging issue with a lot of detrimental impacts on many fronts for the community at large.
BP

 

[Fishing Dude too]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

Figure rent or board as you put it for kids is no biggy if they work, and save most of what they make so they can buy a house. If they waste their money then rent will be most if their earnings. This will force them out.

 

[younggun]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

Why only 2-2.5 years? In our local job market, a 4 year Bachelors degree has replaced the high school diploma as the base line for employment.

I am going to midlands technical college here in sc and doing a nuclear program that South Carolina electric and gas has and I will start out making more than my mother does with a masters as a school teacher and she told me " I can't tell you to go 4 years and be in huge debt and still not have a job, when you can go 2 years for free and come out at 20 years old working 4 days a week making close to 75k a year". I have really looked into this and talked to several people who work in the plant I would be in and they love it and a new reactor is planned to go in line in 2016 ( the year I would graduate the program) and open up 800 more permanent jobs. The plant is in Jenkinsville SC and is on a lake I fish on at least once a month and only 30 minutes from my house. Several people I know live in union and drive down there for work everyday.

 

[JoLin]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

Whenever someone's in school or college and going in a positive direction, they shouldn't be required to pay rent to parents that are fiscal stable.

But when they're out of college 6 months, or get a job, they should be required to pay their own way.

Basically the strategy we used with our kids, but much depends on the parents' financial situation. We were able to give them both a year of working before they began paying, and we also secretly stashed about 1/2 of their payment into an account. When they left home we gave them that money to help get them off the ground.

Both kids lived with us into their late 20's, btw. Seems nearly impossible for kids today to earn enough to pay their way right out of the gate.

 

[bonz_d]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

We have 5 children, between 2 marriages, all now grown with families and at some point each has come back home to live. We have no problem helping out and helping up as long as they are doing something to help themselves. There is one that was shown the curb because they refused to get off their collective butts and do anything to improve their position. The boyfriend/father pretty much refused to find work. The daughter wouldn't even do anything aound the house to help out. This daughter has a 5 year old child that has lived with us for all but 4 months of her entire life.

Tuff call to make.

 

[DayCruiser]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

N/M was commenting on wrong post

 

[dingbat]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

Why only 2-2.5 years? In our local job market, a 4 year Bachelors degree has replaced the high school diploma as the base line for employment.

I am going to midlands technical college here in sc and doing a nuclear program that South Carolina electric and gas has and I will start out making more than my mother does with a masters as a school teacher and she told me " I can't tell you to go 4 years and be in huge debt and still not have a job, when you can go 2 years for free and come out at 20 years old working 4 days a week making close to 75k a year". I have really looked into this and talked to several people who work in the plant I would be in and they love it and a new reactor is planned to go in line in 2016 ( the year I would graduate the program) and open up 800 more permanent jobs. The plant is in Jenkinsville SC and is on a lake I fish on at least once a month and only 30 minutes from my house. Several people I know live in union and drive down there for work everyday.

Good for you. A lot of people don't have that option. Good luck.

 

[Fleetwin]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

My youngest brother who is 51 years old still lives at home! He has a GF where he stays half the time and the other time he is there with my parents. Pays no rent! He is our black sheep of the family.

We "enable them".

Never been there but I get what some folks go through.

Even thougn it hurt (financially), my children are educated and gainfully employed and happy. The Admiral and I gave them a strong sense of "ownership" in their lives.

College is NOT the answer. Try to find a qualified Plumber/Electrician/Carpenter that can actually fix something, or is not absolutely scary looking. Better yet, find one that can talk and explain what they did. That is painfully missing in our younger generation.

Our educational system has FAILED us but we are to blame. We didn't want those programs in our schools-so we were told. They were considered "low".

We turned them (Children) over to them and we didn't care what the outcome was. We expected the schools to raise our children and they failed.

The fault is: Parenting, or lack of.

Like I said, It hurt to financially, socially and in other ways to raise our children with a two parent home.

Was it worth it? Not sure. Our children get to support the rest. That's not a burden the "greatest generation"
had to bear.

 

[SigSaurP229]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

I am 30 and have a sibling, who is 5 years younger than me, I went to school but didn't finish at 18 because I couldn't stand the rules and regulations my parents laid out, so I got a job bucked up and moved out by the time I was 19. I have worked hard (currently reenrolled in school) and own a very nice house shop and am raising two children while working full time.

I also have a 25 year old sister, who was very content to live under mom and dad's rules. She finished her Bachelor's Degree at 22 and finally moved out at the age of 23 she lived on her own for 1 year met a boy, claimed she was depressed went on FMLA and quit her job after being employed in the workplace for 13 months. Later found out she was pregnant and had no job, the boy left. She moved back in with mom and dad.

They allowed her to move back in, my dad spent the money he had saved for his Alaskan cruise to buy her a car (I don't know why but this really bothers me, so much so I have started saving to send he and my mom on this cruise). They did not require her to pay any rent, gave her no specific time frame to get a job. She now has the baby gets free health care from the state food stamps, wic, and all of the other stuff.

She finally has a job they decided she will finally pay rent in the amount of $200.00 per month. AFTER she went and bought a 20k vehicle that they cosigned on.

She has all of her personal belongings boxed up in my shop, she pays no storage fees. I have kicked the issue around with my wife but it honestly isn't worth hurting my parents over it.


So do I believe that dead beat children should pay rent yes, they should pay a FAIR MARKET VALUE in rent, and they should be required to attend to household chores as well.

At 21 years old no longer children they are adults and its time to put up or shut up.

 

[agallant80]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

When I was 19 my parents started charging me rent. It think it was about $60/month which is allot of a 19 year old in school working a minimum wage job part time. They also stopped food shopping with feeding me in mind. I would get Sunday night dinner but I had to feed myself for the other meals. Nedless to say I moved out when I was 20 and never really came back home (once when I was about 22 and unemployed my aunt and uncle took me in for about a year, It was a huge help and set me in the right direction).

Now I am 32 and a home owner. My wife and I still own my wife's house which her mom lives in and we charge her rent, its not enough to cover what the house costs and we will be consolidating soon. We are about to have a house built that will accommodate our needs and has an in-law suite. She will be paying rent, doing laundry and cleaning the house twice a week in exchange for us not putting her on the street

Remember folks, plan for your retirement, your kids don't really want to take care of you once they have their own life's.

 

[Bigprairie1]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

....its great to hear some of the amazing, positive success stories from people (a generation) who were parented by people who knew how to lay down rules, stand their ground and enforce some very important life lessons in reponsibility, independence and commitment.
Many parents these days seem to be lost in the concept of this....fearful of spoiling their friendships with their kids. Unfortunately this comes at the future expense of their kids happiness when reality hits....and it does hit.
That is probably why we are seeing an increasing number of 'light duty' (under 30) adults hitting the scene these days....quick to fold and return home I guess.
Its funny how we fondly recall the struggle and difficulty that our grandparents or forefathers endured and that built great character and ability in them, making them better and great people. Their experience, where as often the case says 'failure is the best experience' (which has always been true) no longer seems to be a valid lesson or method good enough for our kids today. Why the heck is that?

BP

 

[rbh]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

A child is the direct reflection of his parents to a degree.
If the parents are not assertive the kid will be an azz dragger, till life gives him a boot in the butt/shot in the arm.

There is a need to instill the feeling of failure to someone that never ventures out of their comfort zone.

 

[colbyt]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

I treated all 3 of mine the same way. You can live free as long as you are a full time student and follow the house rules.

None of them made it past age 19 and they are now supporting the deadbeat generation.

 

[sweet addiction]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

I say if the kid is going to collage or tech school give them a bit of a break. Make sure that there are some expectations around the house at the very least. But for the most part I would say that if the kid is still living at home at 18 then they can pay rent and buy their own food. I say this as a 34 year old who had no choice but to move out of my childhood home at age 18, two weeks after high school and to this very day I have borrowed a grand total of $50 from my folks.

 

[dingbat]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

Remember folks, plan for your retirement, your kids don't really want to take care of you once they have their own life's.

+1
Your kids will determine where you spend your final years ....pay backs can be hill

 

[bonz_d]

Re: When or what age to pitch in and pay room and board....or not.

+1
Your kids will determine where you spend your final years ....pay backs can be hill

And I shouldn't have to work to the grave to support my adult children either.