SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Thread starter- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
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- 17,651
"Eternal Truths"<br /><br />Remember, once you get over the hill,<br />you'll begin to pick up speed.<br /><br />I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I<br />even put it in the food.<br /><br />If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy<br />at all.<br /><br />Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly<br />distributed.<br /><br />Everyone has a photographic memory.<br />Some just don't have any film.<br /><br />I always know G~d won't give me more than I<br />can handle but there are times I wish He didn't<br />trust me quite so much.<br /><br />Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.<br /><br />If the shoe fits......buy a pair in every color.<br /><br />Never be too open minded, your brains could fall<br />out.<br /><br />Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian<br />any more than standing in a garage makes you a<br />car.<br /><br />If you look like your passport picture, you<br />probably need the trip.<br /><br />Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed<br />of checks.<br /><br />Some days are a total waste of makeup.<br /><br />Men are from earth. Women are from earth.<br />Deal with it.<br /><br />A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.<br /><br />Middle age is when broadness of the mind and<br />narrowness of the waist change places.<br /><br />Opportunities always look bigger going than<br />coming.<br /><br />Junk is something you've kept for years and<br />throw away three weeks before you need it.<br /><br />Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you<br />to recognize a mistake when you make it again.<br /><br />By the time you can make ends meet, they move<br />the ends.<br /><br />Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me...you<br />can't live long enough to make them all yourself.<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Wedding Cake"<br /><br />A couple was arranging for their wedding, and<br />asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake<br />with "1 John 4:18" which reads "There is no fear<br />in love, but perfect love casts out fear."<br /><br />The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise<br />misread the noted reference, and beautifully<br />inscribed on the cake "John 4:18":<br /><br />"For you have had five husbands, and the man<br />you have now is not your husband." 
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Vengeance Is Mine"<br /><br />After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife<br />for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment<br />was in his name and he wanted to remain there with<br />his new love so he asked the wife to move out and<br />then he would buy her another place. The wife<br />agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days<br />on her own there, to pack up her things. While he<br />was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal<br />belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.<br /><br />On the second day, she had the movers come and<br />collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for<br />the last time at their candlelit Dining table, soft music<br />playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of<br />shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had<br />finished, she went into each room and deposited a<br />few of the shrimp and resulting shrimp shells into<br />the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up<br />the kitchen and left.<br /><br />The husband came back, with his new girl, and all<br />was bliss for the first few days.Then it started; slowly<br />but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why<br />the place smelled so bad. They tried everything;<br />cleaned & mopped and aired the place out. Vents<br />were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam<br />cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere.<br />Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were<br />replaced, and on it went.<br /><br />Finally, they could take it no more and decided to<br />move. The Moving company arrived and did a very<br />professional packing job, taking everything to their<br />new home. Including, of course.... the curtain<br />rods!
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Vengeance Is Mine"<br /><br />After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife<br />for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment<br />was in his name and he wanted to remain there with<br />his new love so he asked the wife to move out and<br />then he would buy her another place. The wife<br />agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days<br />on her own there, to pack up her things. While he<br />was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal<br />belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases.<br /><br />On the second day, she had the movers come and<br />collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for<br />the last time at their candlelit Dining table, soft music<br />playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of<br />shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had<br />finished, she went into each room and deposited a<br />few of the shrimp and resulting shrimp shells into<br />the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up<br />the kitchen and left.<br /><br />The husband came back, with his new girl, and all<br />was bliss for the first few days.Then it started; slowly<br />but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why<br />the place smelled so bad. They tried everything;<br />cleaned & mopped and aired the place out. Vents<br />were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam<br />cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere.<br />Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were<br />replaced, and on it went.<br /><br />Finally, they could take it no more and decided to<br />move. The Moving company arrived and did a very<br />professional packing job, taking everything to their<br />new home. Including, of course.... the curtain<br />rods! 
