WANTED_____ good or not so good fishing jokes

[jrttoday]

Being new to the sport, he figured his best chance for success was to buy the most elaborate and expensive ice drilling rig he could find. It had a main switch, labeled ?auto, manual, and off. With a separate control panel for manual operation {outriggers, drill, espresso machine, pony keg, generator, space heater, stereo, sat TV, etc}; plus depth/fish finder/graph/side sonar, etc.

Excited about his purchase and anxious to try it out, he invites several friends to go with him in the morning, but everyone declined. Disappointed, he cracks open a bottle of Chivas; by 2:00am he?s almost finished with his second bottle. Logic and reasoning out the window, he figures he can handle this rig by himself.

He?s so drunk, it took him half an hour just to go 20 feet on the ice and he forgot his flashlight. He was certain the salesman said it had lights, but he couldn?t find the switch with his Bic. Managing to find the main and was about to turn it on when a loud booming voice from overhead says, ?THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!!?
In a panic he looked all around and saw nothing, it was pitch black that night.

Panic stricken, he hustled to move another 20 feet in only fifteen minutes. About to throw the switch again and the voice comes back louder, ?THERE ARE NO FISH THERE, EITHER!!!!!? Barely able to speak he asks, ?is that you God??
?No, this is the rink manager. I?ll give you five minutes to get outta here!?

 

[Grub54891]

I must have been bad.... Sorry... The mods removed my joke....:facepalm:​

 

[poconojoe]

That old sign that always makes me laugh...
"Wanted: Good woman, must be able to clean, sew, dig worms and clean fish. Must have boat and motor. Send picture of boat and motor!"
Ha!... Still makes me laugh!

 

[jrttoday]

I must have been bad.... Sorry... The mods removed my joke....:facepalm:​

:lol::lol::lol::lol: that's funnier than any joke!!! and I was wondering what happened

 

[jrttoday]

That old sign that always makes me laugh...
"Wanted: Good woman, must be able to clean, sew, dig worms and clean fish. Must have boat and motor. Send picture of boat and motor!"
Ha!... Still makes me laugh!

me too!!!! and right now am in need of a motor, or a woman that can fix mine!

 

[littlerayray]

These two older fellas in their eighties were fishing on a dock by a road. When all of a sudden just before the first fella casts, he sees a funeral procession, coming down the road. So he takes off his hat bows his head in silence. The second guy looks up in disbelief, and says " hank I've known you for 35 years and this is the first time I have ever seen you show an ounce of respect what gives." To which hank replies " Tom I may have known you for thirty five years but I was married to her for over forty."

 

[BWR1953]

One of my favorites.

 

[jrttoday]

I will not Bass fish during their spawn; so, we filled my 20? Skeeter with Bream ammo ? cane poles and crickets. 300 horses galloped into the head of this monster reservoir. Had a pretty good day of fishing and, most important, returned safely.
Arriving half an hour before sunset, there was a large crowd the ramp. With four ramps and an experienced bunch, we were wrapping it up in record time. Some curious onlookers approached, ?any luck, how many Bass??

I?m the type that doesn?t like to catch and tell, but hey, we were bream fishing. I started in telling them of the many really nice Bream and few Crappies we caught; then my alter ego took over!! :facepalm:

I got all caught up in the story as I noticed a dozen or more people had gathered. I began to regale them with a very animated account of how that morning I caught the biggest Bass of my life!! On a flimsy cane pole with eight pound line; using a cricket with a small line through cork. I pitched my bait by a stump and instantly, the cork made that tell tale twitch and slow quivering sink like a slab-sized Crappie makes.

Gave him a couple seconds to make certain I didn?t hook him in the lips. Set the hook and just knew I was hung in a root or something from that stump. But then it moved, and moved real slow, almost like I was dragging a log. Then she made a sharp turn!! What in the world? The water was too murky to see anything, so we followed it around forever?

After maybe a half hour, she finally gave up and I managed to pull her alongside the boat. Almost in the net and the hook straightened!!!
I was going to let her go anyway; she weighed 13 pounds 5 ounces.
I got quiet after that ? as if reflecting on the loss. WAIT for it??

?Howdja know how much that fish weighed??
My reply, ?oh?.she had scales on her......?
here?s your sign! :lol:

 

[FlaCowboy]

I must have been bad.... Sorry... The mods removed my joke....:facepalm:​

Hey Grub...

if the joke was so good that the mods removed it...send it to me in a PM

Wait a minute...did I just take that one hook line and sinker...? :facepalm:

 

[jrttoday]

Hey Grub...

if the joke was so good that the mods removed it...send it to me in a PM

Wait a minute...did I just take that one hook line and sinker...? :facepalm:

was there a worm on the hook? I still get a laugh remembering the cartoon on here about two guys in a boat and using their new state of the art fish finder.
One says, "I think the fish just sent us a virus"
Laughing My Butt Off!!

 

[Jeep Man]

So far, Grub's got the best joke....and we don't even know what it is.

 

[jrttoday]

So far, Grub's got the best joke....and we don't even know what it is.

:faint2: :laugh::laugh:

 

[RGrew176]

I thought that jokes were not allowed here. Are the reins being loosened?

 

[GA_Boater]

I thought that jokes were not allowed here. Are the reins being loosened?

Click "see more" above.

 

[RGrew176]

Click "see more" above.

Thanks.

 

[jrttoday]

I recognized a long time ago that most most things we find humorous are ego based. Any joke that puts others down is saying that the "teller" is superior; when we all are equal. By claiming superiority, a challenge has been made and that's when things can get out of hand.
Iboats is a "No Wake Zone" and that is how we should proceed; not disturbing other people's experience...

 

[gm280]

I recognized a long time ago that most most things we find humorous are ego based. Any joke that puts others down is saying that the "teller" is superior; when we all are equal. By claiming superiority, a challenge has been made and that's when things can get out of hand.
Iboats is a "No Wake Zone" and that is how we should proceed; not disturbing other people's experience...

You may be right about a lot of jokes. But there are tons of very funny jokes without bashing anybody and totally clean as well. In fact that is one of my ways to tell if a comedian is worthy or not. If he or she can make the audience laugh without potty mouth jokes or profanity, then that comedian is a very good comedian in my book. I went to a local Wild Game Cook Off one time some years ago, and they had Jeff Foxworthy there. He had the very large audience rolling on the floors for about an hour. And not one potty mouth or profane joke was said... JMHO!

 

[jrttoday]

You may be right about a lot of jokes. But there are tons of very funny jokes without bashing anybody and totally clean as well. In fact that is one of my ways to tell if a comedian is worthy or not. If he or she can make the audience laugh without potty mouth jokes or profanity, then that comedian is a very good comedian in my book. I went to a local Wild Game Cook Off one time some years ago, and they had Jeff Foxworthy there. He had the very large audience rolling on the floors for about an hour. And not one potty mouth or profane joke was said... JMHO!

yessir! Jeff portrays a lot of qualities some of us have forgotten about - self included! No Saint here. But I feel much better when I'm being the man Mom&Dad wanted me to be. I'm just hoping for some jokes worthy of being repeated. The joke about the "rink manager" I read in NAPA Auto Parts Pup mag years ago and "had scales" joke was pulled on me by two friends as they pulled alongside my boat - after feeling like such a sucker I had to laugh.

Not everyone doesn't take things personally; that's why we need guidelines.
Didja ever see Bill Cosby "As Himself"? I needed a girdle to hold my gut in!!!

 

[littlerayray]

John pinette was hilarious as well my folks saw him live the only people he would make fun of were the Amish cuz they wouldn't see his show cuz they don't have tv or electricity

 

[64osby]

I've been fishing with 4 or 5 friends for 22 years for the spring opener and fall closing trout season. Tromping the stream beds can be hard but rewarding. We will often cross paths several times during a day of fishing.

After making it back to camp, comparing the catch is standard practice. Often the question is asked "Where did you catch that one?" Wondering if it may have been in a hole or run that had been fished or passed by.

If you ask Jim (43 years in the group) "Where did you catch that one?' More often then not his answer will be. "In the mouth."