Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

[jinx]

I'll throw this out there and see if you all have any bright ideas.<br /><br />My oldest son, 16, a junior in HS, brought home his worst report card yet. 2 F's and a D, one A and 2 B's.<br /><br />His classwork is always spotty, and his grades suffer because of it.<br /><br />He is very bright. On Monday he received his SAT scores, and they were in the 98th percentile in Reading and Writing and the 96th percentile in Math. Then a few days later, he brings home the F's!! <br /><br />Last year he got straight D's in Trig and got an A on the final exam. Frustrating ain't it?<br /><br />I have tried to give him things to do to challenge him: He is a voracious reader, and I try to keep him supplied with books; I arranged to have him participate in a DARPA conference with a bunch of Phd's and he held his own; we took the USCG Aux Basic Boating and Seamanship course together and the rat got a higher score than I did; and he has done 4H.<br /><br />What can I do to get him to understand that test scores do not amount to anything when applying for college? Sure, they're great, but they want to see performance at the admissions office.<br /><br />His computer is shut down for the rest of the school year, and he does accept that, though he doesn't like it. What's next? Beatings?<br /><br />He is young for his age. He has his learner's permit but so far has exhibited little inclination to drive, so I can't use that approach.<br /><br />He is a good kid and I have seen no evidence of drugs or bad behaviors. He runs with good kids and is very interested in playing Basketball, something that would be a good indicator if he were starting bad behaviors.<br /><br />I suspect that he just hates the busywork part of school, so he gets all self-righteous and doesn't do the work. <br /><br />Thanks for listening. It is a frustrating thing.

 

[mattttt25]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

my little one is only 2 1/2, so i have some time yet. but i saw this in my little brother. some kids just don't enjoy school or don't care about it. but they are more than willing to show you how smart they are when it comes to the big test.<br /><br />i'd make sure to have a long talk with him. then follow it up with pep talks through the remainder of the semester. ensure he knows you are on top of this, but also trying to help him.<br /><br />i'd still make sure there isn't an underlying problem somewhere... girl problems at school? bully or problem with a close friend? or maybe he's physcally having problems focusing in class- ADD or something similar?<br /><br />just want to cover all the bases. good luck-

 

[ehenry]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

Jinx, I feel your pain. I truly do. My boy is 17, a junior and opposite from yours though. He's doing fine in math, would be doing good in chemistry if he'd do his homework, english is a high D and history is in the toilet. My boy hates to read unless its some sort of hunting or fishing rag. He's a good kid, doesnt drink, has a job, plays football at the school. The only reason his grades are bad is because he doesnt do his homework every night. Homework is either a 100 grade or a zero. But I think i finally got his attention this time.<br /><br />The school has gotten on a system where parents can go online and view their class averages as they stand that day, it includes all grades for the nine weeks including homework grades. You can also view class attendance and see if their tardy and what not. I printed off all his class grades and reaveraged them with the homework grades as 100's instead of 0 and showed him what his grades would have been and it got his attention. NOW, he's grounded, can only drive his truck to school and work, can't go see his girlfriend, has to stay off the computer except for school work and can only go to our church on Wednesday nights then straight home instead of his girl friends church then out to eat. He's too big to give a whoopin so the grounding is going to have to do it. He also konws he's lost my trust since he's lied to us about his homework. I told him it would be a while before he got that back.

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

The answere for us was home scholling. Our son was on the Presidents List in 5th grade, then proceeded to screw up middle school and smoke dope and screw up high school so we pulled him out. It was the only thing I could do. Every time I chased off his scumy friends, he would come up with a whole new bunch the next day. I reached the end of my rope and dam near beat the boy silly, and that's when Mrs SoulWinner pulled him out of the toilet they call public school and enrolled him Florida Virtual School. He stays home with us (we work out of our house) and he makes A's. The best thing is that he is happier now than he has been in years.

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

Maybe he needs to revisit his electives. Interest level for most 16's is not in the school work. But they know everything at 16, so what you preach won't sink in until say 25?

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

Your son sounds like me in HS. Procrastination, bored in his classes and figures why bother to apply until the test. I was pounded upon by my teachers until they presented new challanges to me.<br /><br />My advice even though he probably will not take it.... it is a time management problem. He needs to do just a small piece of each class daily and do the necessary things associated with it. Reports, homework and even a bit of study time.<br /><br />You need to speak with his teachers and have him de assigned some extra work not school work but projects. Reward him but make him do unique things.<br /><br />Last thing... help hime set a goal. Goal setting is instrumental in getting things done. Make the goal attainable but you should suggest the goal be increased by about 10%. Goals are not meant to be easy but they are worth it. Help him decide what he wants to be doing in 5-10 years.<br /><br />Bob

 

[jinx]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

That's true NYM, he knows it all, and I must be the scum of the earth!<br /><br />Jinx<br /><br />Mattt: The boy had an interesting observation last week when I asked him about college. He said, "West Point would be my first choice. I've never known about anyone who came out badly from there, some kids go downhill at other colleges."<br />I asked him about Annapolis, and he said he didn't think he could get in there. True enough with his grades.<br /><br />Frightening to think that I may have to depend on this boy to change my feeding tube someday when I'm feeble.<br /><br />Jinx

 

[ehenry]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

He'll change your feeding tube. He loves you wheather he shows it or not. That would be the least of my worries.

 

[sangerwaker]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

Could it be he is bored with school? I'm only guessing from my own high school experience. I got good grades, but found school to be boring and hard to pay attention and do homework. Come test time, he may know he needs to perform, and does so. <br /><br />Definately some good advice above. Sounds like you are on the right track. He may just need some extra motivation. Maybe a real nice reward if he can turn in a gre"a"t report card next time? I think you need to make it more clear to him how important the grades are, not just the test scores.<br /><br />Best of luck. My boy is only six, so I've got some time before that age hits.<br /><br />EDIT: GREAT advice Bob!

 

[chuckz]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

Why are his grades so poor? Aren't they suppose to represent his knowledge of the subject matter?<br /><br />My 17 year old is very bright. A junior taking his second year of AP courses. He has had some of his worst grades since starting school this year. Why? One teacher wanted to teach him a lesson, his grades in that class through 3 qtrs, 92, 65, 94.<br /><br />He has an incomplete this quarter in another class because he missed an assignement while being out sick. I told him even though his AP scores and SAT are top shelf he has to have consistant grades.<br /><br />Unfortunately, the grading system includes homework, tests and attendance. Supposedly homework is given because there isn't enough class time for the students to learn the material. Well what happens to the student that does learn the material in class? They are forced to be bored silly doing homework which is redundant for them.<br /><br />I don't have any answers, but I feel your pain. Fortunately, even with minimal effort my son is still on the honor roll. Either way I am still trying to change his attitude. He compares himself to others instead of working to his capabilities.<br /><br />Now for the punch line. His incomplete was in a class that is taught by his track coach. He wants him to run at an invitational this week. Dad says no way until the work is made up. I suspect the coach will accept less than my son's best work and give him a good grade to assure his participation in the meet.

 

[JB]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

Don't put too much importance on the grades, jinx. <br /><br />Except for the fact that he has to get better grades or not graduate, grades in public schools these days are much more about how hard you work than what you learn. If you learn easily and settle for that you will not get good grades. You gotta sweat the homework, etc. to please the system.<br /><br />To get into the 98th percentile on the SAT you have to have learned, and well.<br /><br />It has been many years, granted, but I learned quickly and easily when in High School but made only average or poorer grades in everything but sciences and math. I quit school at 17 under the threat of not graduating. <br /><br />I had my GED (98th percentile) before my classmates graduated high school.<br /><br />When I got into results-oriented learning environments in the military and colleges I was always at or near the top of my class.<br /><br />It is very hard for a very intelligent person to get or stay motivated in public schools geared to the learning pace and depth of the slowest students. He gets bored and doesn't have challenge.<br /><br />Try to get him into a results oriented, rather than process oriented school, where he can learn as much and as fast as his abilities allow. <br /><br />Another good option is home study. It doesn't do much for social skills development but it sure does accellerate academics for the bright student.<br /><br />Good luck.

 

[RubberFrog]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

How much time do you spend with him doing homework each night?

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

ALl the busywork is the very reason I hated high school. I did the same thing as your son.<br /><br />He needs to decide right now if he wants to go to college. There is more of the same in the first two years of college.<br /><br />I tried college and hated all the busy work. Never finshed it.<br /><br />Ken

 

[ae708]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

My son was the same way. His IQ was like 165 and SAT scores way up there. He didn't like to study.. failed senior English, could have taken it in summer school and gotten his diploma but decided that it was too much trouble. Finally got his GED 2 years later. He's now 25 and is about to become manager of a Subway shop. Great career, making sandwiches. Whacha gonna do.... sigh.

 

[jinx]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

Thanks for all of your comments. They are excellent food for thought. I'll let you know if I have any success.<br /><br />Jinx

 

[AK_Chappy]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

My bouys have been giving me the same trouble for quite a while now. I have tried to be tough and explain to them that they will be held back a year. Talk to the teacher(s) and they didn't want to. Said, "They know the material, they just don't do the work". Grrrrrrrrrr<br />Now the oldest is in High School, and next is in 8th. They FINALLY have teachers who are holding their feet to the fire. However, I can talk until I am blue in the face. All to no avail. They still have it ingrained that they will pass on to the next grade.<br /><br />I let my middle son read some of this, esp ae708's post. Hopefully it will sink in. Someone with real life experience telling them the same thing. <br />I thank you all also.<br /><br />AK Chappy

 

[JRJ]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

jinx, we have two boys in their 30's, both doing very well. The youngest, when in HS wouldn't apply himself. In his senior year, in desparation, we told him if he graduated with A's, we'd buy him the 4-wheeler he wanted so bad. Yes, we bribed him, but it didn't take away from our joy at his HS and collage graduations. (yes we were surprised) Motivation in one form or another may help.

 

[Grant S]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

I have a 16 year old son who is pretty bright but not particularly academic. If something is explained to him properly he catches on before the explanation is finished. <br /><br />I expressed my disquiet about his school results to a friend who is a school principal and was told that it is quite common amongst boys. The subjects he is interested in show good results and the ones he finds boring show bad results.<br /><br />I'm not wanting to blame the teachers or the school, but it seems that teachers should be motivators first and then they will find their job easier. <br />In an attempt to prod my son without getting a negative backlash ( which is a real risk with this age group) I offered to help him towards paying for his first car at the end of the year. <br />He knows I will honour the promise if he does his bit. I make sure he understands that he is not going to get it bought for him, just a finacial help along the way.<br /><br />My principal friend assured me that bright kids with parents who do their best for them turn out well whatever direction they take.<br /><br />I am careful not to project my own ambitions too much onto my son.

 

[waterone1@aol.com]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

I am struggling with this right now. My son is 15 1/2. He is in 8th grade for the second time. His grades were bad last year and he failed. We let him continue on "his schedule" for the first part of this year, only to get much of the same results. I have never lied to him or gone back on my word. I told him at the start of this year, that if his grades did not improve, he would loose all of his privilages. After receiving his second quarter grades ( tests in the A and B region and grades in the d and f area) I pulled all of his video games and tv from his room (they are locked up) and he is grounded. After a long talk about moving from boyhood to manhood and the responsibility that goes with that (before the freedoms) he is doing much better. I am trying so hard to show him that work and responsibilty has to come before free time and fun....and I think he is getting it. He is realizing that life is not always challenging and fun....sometimes you just have to go through the motions and do what is expected of you before you get do your own thing. When he had the choice of watching satelite TV, or the internet, or playing X-box or studying......he short- changed his school work....now that I have taken away the distractions....he is doing much better with the school work. While I would love for him to be happy all of the time, I think it is important for him to know that life requires effort, he must earn his happiness. Just like life, he must show me his homework before he is allowed out to play. In this case, he has time set asside to do homework.....even if he does not have any, he is here at home with no disstractions.....for hours....it is amazing how he can suddenly find work to do....when before he would be playing his X-box. I am probably not his "best friend" right now.....but my job is to turn him into a man, instead of a boy.

 

[cbnoodles]

Re: Report Card Time, trouble with #1 son.

We have a similar problem to yours Jinx. Our son is a 15-year-old sophomore who was failing miserably at the beginning of the year. After spending 6 years in Catholic school where he was straight A's, we let him go to public school so he could be with more of his friends. The results were less than spectacular.<br /><br />Our boy is a really good kid and very bright. Everybody he meets really likes him and he's only been in trouble once (for throwing rocks at an abandoned building). He socializes well, excels at sports, and has never smoked or done drugs. Talk about an enigma!<br /><br />The grades started going downhill in 8th grade and by the time he started this year he was failing 4 of 7 classes within 3 weeks. We had tried begging, threatening, counseling, punishment, and pure reason all to no avail. Although my work schedule is screwy, I was putting time in with him on a regular basis to help him with homework. None of this was doing a bit of good.<br /><br />We finally decided to pull the trigger and enrolled him in a military school. He made the honor roll in his first semester at this school and is an all-star on the soccer and baseball teams (not that they're all that good). He appears simply to have needed that kick-in-the-a$$ that neither home life nor public schooling could provide.<br /><br />I guess what I am saying is that sometimes there may not appear to be a good reason for a child's lack of performance. It's enough to know that we have to keep trying until we find out what works and then stay the course. If we are not willing to put in this effort towards helping our children then what else is there?<br /><br />As far as the problem with sons not seeing eye-to-eye with dads goes, My Avatar said it all with "When I was 14, my father was the most stupid man alive. By the time I'd reached 21, I couldn't believe how much he'd learned."