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redneck joe

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
Messages
10,200
would you hire this dude to rub you down?

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redneck joe

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
Messages
10,200
when you pop in to the house unexpectedly for a few minutes and discover your wife has stepped out for a few minutes, do this.


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Krazeehorse

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
118
Here's an OBG (oldie but a goodie)
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. “How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.

The boss says just one? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.

The boss, astonished, says “$101,237.65?!? What the hell did you sell him?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fishhooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. He said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?”

The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.
 

gm280

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Jun 26, 2011
Messages
14,585
A guy and his wife have been married for quite a number of years. And it seems the wife was a constant talker. The guy just wasn't into such constant talking, so he stopped listening or replying to her. She was wondering why and he explained that he literally couldn't hear her anymore. So she decided to teach him sign language to help. After learning sign language it was still bothered with her constant signing. So he start to ignore her again. She asked what was wrong and he stated he was going blind too...
 

redneck joe

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Mar 18, 2009
Messages
10,200
so i decided that since I can't get a real job that I spent the last 20 years developing skills in, I went back to my roots and am back in light construction / remodeling and my new (of one month) boss I keep showing him my scrap pile. NOTHING goes to waste on my jobs and even more so in todays world. I showed him how I used 'scrap' on the two jobs I'm doing, calculated and i'm over $400 in savings by cuts on just one job alone. He used to make fun of me until I put a dollar figure on it. Now he's bidding jobs with 'joe cut' math.
 
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