Post Your Jokes Here

[RGrew176]

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

?Who is the most obedient?? he asked. ?Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says??

Five small voices answered in unison. ?Okay, dad, you get the toy.?

 

[RGrew176]

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?"

"She did," he replied, "But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!"

 

[RGrew176]

Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital.

After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?"

"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"

 

[RGrew176]

Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for.

Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown. This confirmed what I suspected all along, that despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude.

"I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me.

"Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother for her birthday."

 

[RGrew176]

The wife, whose husband has a collection of guitars, was before the judge after smashing every single one of them.

The judge asks, "First offender?"

She replied, "No, your honor. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

 

[wrvond]

The wife, whose husband has a collection of guitars, was before the judge after smashing every single one of them.

The judge asks, "First offender?"

She replied, "No, your honor. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

Ouch!

 

[southkogs]

wrvond Nice lookin' collection!

 

[avenger79]

hmm no tele's?

otherwise yes a very nice collection

 

[wrvond]

hmm no tele's?

otherwise yes a very nice collection

Thanks. Nope, I don't play country or western!
Holding a Strat is like holding a beautiful woman; holding a Tele is like holding her grandmother. It'll get you there, but it'll be uncomfortable the whole time! :lol:

 

[gm280]

Thanks. Nope, I don't play country or western!
Holding a Strat is like holding a beautiful woman; holding a Tele is like holding her grandmother. It'll get you there, but it'll be uncomfortable the whole time! :lol:

Okay, then what is holding a Les Paul like?

 

[southkogs]

It'll get you there, but it'll be uncomfortable the whole time! :lol:

That's cold dude ...

Interestingly, I was at a show recently with a live quintet playing for dancers and singer. Guitar player was a little hidden, but I'm pretty sure he was playing a Tele and getting these really pretty, smooth tones out of it. Almost jazzy like a 335.

I'm actually a big fan of the Telecaster.

 

[southkogs]

Okay, then what is holding a Les Paul like?

... a log :lol:

 

[gm280]

... a log :lol:

Oh, not that is cool...

 

[wrvond]

Okay, then what is holding a Les Paul like?

Her not quite so good looking sister?

 

[wrvond]

That's cold dude ...

Interestingly, I was at a show recently with a live quintet playing for dancers and singer. Guitar player was a little hidden, but I'm pretty sure he was playing a Tele and getting these really pretty, smooth tones out of it. Almost jazzy like a 335.

I'm actually a big fan of the Telecaster.

I'm with you. I have friends that get some great sounds out of their Teles. So good I start thinking I need one- then I pick it up and realize it's just not for me.

 

[southkogs]

I can almost get a Tele sound out of my Peavey when I set the amp up right. I got one of the Vyper modeling amps. Close enough for the fun of it.

Sorry to hijack Rick. :focus: :caked:ound:

 

[avenger79]

I have and love both a strat and a tele, I understand what you mean about the feel of the tele, but they aren't just for country.

I also have a schecter that is very similar to the strat in comfort.

Had a les paul for a while and I loved the sound but it is not a comfortable guitar to play, it won't sit right if you are sitting, and it is heavy as hell if you are standing. they are beautiful instruments though

 

[RGrew176]

I can almost get a Tele sound out of my Peavey when I set the amp up right. I got one of the Vyper modeling amps. Close enough for the fun of it.

Sorry to hijack Rick. :focus: :caked:ound:

No problem, glad to see that the joke stimulated some conversation.

 

[gm280]

A little back story about a true Les Paul guitar that to this day makes me cringe. Back in my very youthful days as a single digit boy, my parents actually bought a Les Paul signed guitar. At that time Les Paul was not a well know name and so it wasn't an amazing issue. And it was merely a nice guitar that I had not ever seen. And that was because I wasn't interested in music at my young age yet. My once removed uncle asked them if he could barrow the guitar because his was broken. They gave him the Les Paul not thinking anything about it. Well my uncle got into a fight with his wife, and that Les Paul was broken as well. But instead of replacing it, he just forgot all about it throwing the broken guitar away. And so I could have had an original genuine hand signed Les Paul guitar today, but my careless uncle broke it like it was a mere useless item. :faint2: :mad2: :violin:

 

[GA_Boater]

A little back story about a true Les Paul guitar that to this day makes me cringe. Back in my very youthful days as a single digit boy, my parents actually bought a Les Paul signed guitar. At that time Les Paul was not a well know name and so it wasn't an amazing issue. And it was merely a nice guitar that I had not ever seen. And that was because I wasn't interested in music at my young age yet. My once removed uncle asked them if he could barrow the guitar because his was broken. They gave him the Les Paul not thinking anything about it. Well my uncle got into a fight with his wife, and that Les Paul was broken as well. But instead of replacing it, he just forgot all about it throwing the broken guitar away. And so I could have had an original genuine hand signed Les Paul guitar today, but my careless uncle broke it like it was a mere useless item. :faint2: :mad2: :violin:

So "First offender?" :lol: