Memories are easy things.
All one needs to do is have them.
Getting them on paper is probably more difficult but getting them on paper is just mechanics: key on some keyboard and, buffered or not, print.
Of course I will do that here.
That may be the majority of what I do.
But, for my father, it’s the impressions that matter in the long run.
And matter the most.
And it is a long, long run.
We shall see.
I leave it for the reader to distinguish which is which: impression or memory; or, maybe, they merge to hybrids; that’s going to be interesting.
Burpee seed catalogue came today.
We lived in a rental duplex in Portland.
It was old enough to be two asymmetric houses built on one foundation.
Our other side of the duplex neighbors were the pastor of the Episcopal Church down the street and his wife.
They were wonderful neighbors.
The duplex was built on a fairly good-sized lot.
So, Daddy and I had plans for a vegetable garden.
“Burpee seed catalogue came today”, he said as he riffled the various envelopes that had arrived that morning.
It is hard to believe the joy and anticipation I experienced as I looked page after page through Burpee Spring 1954.
Our duplex was on the edge of a veldt.
In the 1920’s a developer named Lloyd had either heard of, or invented, the idea of what became to be known in the 1980s as a Mall.
Lloyd Center it was to be called.
1929 happened and the Lloyd Center didn’t.
Happen.
The time machine put me and Daddy on the cusp of its exhumation.
The veldt - all the vacant lot grasslands that had been created in the 20s in preparation for Lloyd before the Crash became bigger in the 50s.
More and more houses were torn down to add to the footprint of the incipient Lloyd Center.
A lot of good stuff just got trashed.
I collected an amazing number of goldfish from the pond of a house torn down to service the Lloyd footprint.
Daddy even got enthused by the salvage opportunities.
We somehow got some rather large, long rectangles of granite from a demolition site to the front steps of the duplex.
Over several weekends we dug out the soil adjacent to those steps and laid in granite slabs along both sides.
My father should have been an architect.
I think I remember that we planted some seeds.
I think I remember that we got a few gourds and a cucumber.
But who knows?
Or who, really, cares.
Those memories are fun.
Let them stand.
I definitely remember that when fall came Daddy and I scheduled a burn day.
We had an abandoned steel barrel of some sort out in the garden alcove, and we decided to burn a lot of - something - I don’t remember what, in it.
But we burned it.
And, late in the day, as the late fall sun began to disappear and darken the sky, and the heat from the fire became a rosy glow, we roasted hot dogs on sticks.
Hot dogs on sticks have always been my favorite food.
We had somehow gotten on a high mountain lake in a small boat with oars and a pink-shrimp colored sunrise dramatizing the mountain.
The mountain was a perfect cone.
The lake was positioned as if she - the mountain - had a bib, and the lake was it.
We caught some fish - rainbow trout and landlocked sockeye salmon, called kokanee by the original people.
It was one of the earliest fishing trips I ever had with Daddy.
Obviously, I have never forgotten it.
17th Avenue was not an arterial, but it was quite wide.
It took a lot of maple tree branches to block it.
Daddy and I had, nonetheless managed to block it with the branches from our two maple trees that we had been trimming since mid-afternoon.
It was exciting work, and the excitement was augmented by the enthusiasm of watching all those branches fall to earth to be disposed of thoughtfully.
As it got darker, and colder - it was a frigid January afternoon - the question began to form independently, but in both of our minds.
“What are we going to do with all of these branches?”
All I remember is that we did something, and I think it involved fire, and a late night on the street.
I don’t remember any hot dogs, but what a time to have had them?
Maple smoke smoked hot dogs in the fire-lit dark on 17th Avenue in Portland?
It could not have gotten better than that.
I was, probably, fourteen years old when I might have had maple smoked hot dogs with Daddy in the middle of 17th Avenue in Portland that Sunday long day’s journey into night, but I had a thought.
It just popped.
And I have always remembered it.
And wondered what it meant.
“If I ever have a son, I want to burn a big pile of cut down trees with him; and we will have an Oppenheimer Moment.”.
I have never known what that must have been intended to mean in the great scheme of things.
After the fishing trip on that mountain lake, fishing became something we did, Daddy and I.
(I have tried to make “Daddy and me” be correct; but I can’t do it).
The time was the mid-1950s.
Spinning reels had just been invented by the French; Airex was the premier brand; but Airex cost a lot of money - probably $30.
Daddy found a brand from somewhere called Horrocks-Ibbotson, or so I remember, and they were perfect little spinning reels for $15.
$30 was outlandish; $15 was an abject luxury, but Daddy bought us two of them.
And we fished.
With them.
A lot of places.
And I have thanked and loved him for that, ever since.
Having memories of fishing is good.
We spent a lot of time at the new place - Bobby had died and Grammy volunteered the proceeds from the sale of her Seattle house on 32nd Avenue to be applied to a house in Portland that could house her and her family.
That’s how we got the tree with the maples.
The new place was where I “grew up”.
And my growing up was time-consuming.
I realize now that time has become a cascade.
Of seconds, minutes, hours, days and years: the backup alarms of garbage trucks seem to be there every morning, as I re-examine my state and ask am I still.
Daddy died with my hand in his.
I was driving into Portland, and I decided to stop at the hospital where Daddy was.
I didn’t even know what ICU meant.
I broached the main desk, announced my presence and received more of a greeting than I would have expected,
“Hearing is the last that goes,” I was told.
“I wonder what that means?” I thought.
After being taken to Daddy I discovered what that meant.
I held his hand.
He didn’t seem to be there.
The green jagged line machine said he was.
There.
Until he wasn’t.
He threw his head to one side and the green line went horizontal.
I knew an indomitable spirit had just gone elsewhere.
And I thought about Normandy.