in a pikle need advice

M

miloman

Lieutenant Junior Grade
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Nov 3, 2002
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hey there this board is filled with moral guys so heres my dilema. My bro is having an affair and wants me to help conceal it from his wife problem is that I really like his wife they have been married for 18 years and I think its wrong I wont fink on him but he is insists on me covering his tracks from time to time I want to tell him NO but he's my brother what should I do
 
12Footer

12Footer

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Been there with best bud... Warn him one time with all sincerity,that you intend not to help him anymore. You wont lie or cover up anything.<br />Tell him, how you feel about it honestly. He is your bro and therefore, your friend, but the moral thing is not to enable his imorality.<br />Then, if he digs himself into a hole, you tried to warn him, and he faces the music.<br />Another related thing I've found to be true in life. Everyone you have ever heard of that has cheated on thier spouse, HAS or WILL BE found-out.<br />It allways happens.It may be tomorrow, or 10years down the road, but it's allready too late. She will find out someday.
 
J

Jack Shellac

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Couldn't agree more. Have been in that fix myself and was equally blamed for covering it up. I was stupid and paid for it. Warn, but don't tell and don't help cover. She WILL find out as soon as one of her friends [or enemies] finds out.
 
SpinnerBait_Nut

SpinnerBait_Nut

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Re: in a pikle need advice

milo, this is a time bomb and it will go off rest assured and if you are not careful you will get caught up in it.<br />I have found out over the years that the best thing is to stay out of it, cause you will get caught right in the middle.<br />Tell your brother that it is wrong and let it drop.<br />If he is unsatisfied with marriage then he should get out of it.<br />It is a no win situation for you.<br />If you say anything to her, your brother will be mad and if you don't say anything then she will be mad so I would just stay out of it and tell your brother you don't want to know nothing about what he is doing, atleast that way if she ask you, you can tell her that you don't know anything.
 
F

Fishbusters

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Don't lie or cover for him after letting him know you won't. Take every chance you can to let him know how you feel about this matter and as his brother you think it is in his best intrests he stop. On the other side of the coin don't volunteer anything. If asked of course you must answer the question but make sure you do not offer up anything more than the best possible answer to the exact question asked. You need to think of this like you are a witness and your testimony will cause them to hang your brother you can't lie but in order to get the information they want they need to ask the right questions. In reality it could actually be that your brother's life hangs upon what you know especially if she knows how to shoot straight. I say all of this because of several reasons the most importiant one is you do not want to be the one that comes between any couple's marrage. In the end if you are the one that tells one party will resent that you told and the other will resent not being told as soon as you knew about it as well that party will also resent you for telling because in the back of thier mind they may feel it would have been better to never have known. The second most importiant reason is no matter how much you like your sister-in-law she is that and not your brother. The old saying blood is thicker than water holds true here. All a person has is thier family other people may come and go but family should last a lifetime and telling this no matter how importiant it may be for her to do so can ruin your relationship with your brother and is anyone else worth that?<br />I speak from experience here as I had a friend who was like a brother to me and I found out his wife was cheating and told him. It devastated him and even though I thought I was doing him a favour and she was the one that was doing wrong he blamed me for ruining his marrage. In the long run they ended up back together anyway and I ended up w/o my best friend. I have never had another friend that I have been as close with and most likely never will.
 
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ebbtide176

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Jan 22, 2002
Messages
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Re: in a pikle need advice

wow<br />first off, someone's gotta give PFB the reminder for spacing out long comments, like JB reminded me once. its ez'r to type it all up that way, but it's he11 trying to read. :D <br /><br />dude! what a predicament, eh? funny, how its water under the bridge for many. many more than you think- er, you could easily imagine though, in this day & time<br /><br />i've been there too. have had it happen to me, and worse. i've not cheated... that's not it.<br /><br />you're right, lots here know things if you ask the right question. i'm just a micro-peon, but my thoughts are thus;<br /><br />understand your friend. a brother- even more. do you see where he's coming from? ok. tellem. but do you agree to what the repurcussions may be? probably not. i've answered this very type of question b4, and got blasted, so i will just say... i understand your bro, and i understand you, don't let your feelings of what he's doing criticize him, or compromise your individual feelings of what you'd do in his case. tell him if you understand, and why. give examples :D <br /><br />then tell him what you see as wrong with the picture, as an objective viewing. if you can and i know anyone can.<br /><br />to sum it up- its a no win, unless followed out in full.<br /><br />just a thought
 
H

Homerr

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Yup. Don't lie!<br /><br />One gift God gave Women...The ability to find out lies.<br /><br />In fact, I think the lie-detector was modeled after a Woman!<br /><br />H.
 
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ebbtide176

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Messages
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Re: in a pikle need advice

i meant to add - seriously - you're getting in the middle of a family unit. remember & remind.<br /><br />take it if you dare. but just make sure at least someone knows you're going full tilt against the other side if you're pulled into this deal. otherwise, they should let you be neutral. i hope this is understandable.
 
S

Skinnywater

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Ditto, ditto and ditto.<br />Blood is NOT thicker then morality.
 
magster65

magster65

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Well... I'm with these guys, no lies. Give your bro. a kick in the keester and explain to him what an idiot he's being.
 
sloopy

sloopy

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Re: in a pikle need advice

wow, your stuck between two hard places or three. You could tell you brother that you will not help him, but that could ruin you relationship with you brother. You could also help you broher (cover up his tracts) but that would brake a one or two rules in the Bible. <br /><br />Here is what I would do, If I was older and in your situation:<br /><br />I would go to your local church and tell the paster or priest about the problem your in with your brother. Tell him who he is cheating with and how it happened (if you can) then the paster/priest might call them in and handle it from there.<br /><br />Good luck.<br /><br />-Sloopy the sloop
 
M

mellowyellow

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Re: in a pikle need advice

howdy Milo,<br />in a similar situation I turned in my Bro. in law<br />who was a close friend to my sister. wasn't easy,<br />but am glad I did it years later.<br />if'n he's that unhappy with his marraige, he should<br />be a MAN and be honest and tell his wife he wants<br />out...<br />just my .02<br />M.Y.
 
JB

JB

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Hey, Miloman.<br /><br />Tough spot.<br /><br />If your brother and sister-in-law are religious people and attend church regularly, I like Sloopy's suggestion. But that would be inappropriate if they are not a church family.<br /><br />I would not tell his wife, but I would tell him that you will have nothing to do with assisting him in any way.<br /><br />Good luck. :)
 
D

dkondelik

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Re: in a pikle need advice

OUCH!,<br /><br />Miloman,<br /><br />What is RIGHT?<br />Does the fact that he is your brother change that?<br /><br />Here I completely disagree with the others. Your brother is risking your sister-in-laws LIFE. Yes, in this day and age, he could bring home some incredibly awful disease.<br /><br />Aside from the respect that she is due, she deserves to know that her LIFE is at risk because of your brothers behavior.<br /><br />How P-Oed would you be if you came down with AIDS or Syph or God Knows what; and it could have been prevented if only, your friend who knew about it, would have warned you?<br /><br />No,.. it won't be pleasent OR EASY but.....<br />Well,.... you know what's right.
 
C

cotterman

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Messages
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Re: in a pikle need advice

your own brother shouldn't put you, or his wife for that matter, in this predicament. he's only looking out for himself............you too must look out for yourself and do whats right. no point in you losing any sleep.....stay clear of him.
 
M

miloman

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Nov 3, 2002
Messages
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Re: in a pikle need advice

wowo Im glad that everyone sees it my way he had the b#$% to dress me down for not wanting to help him I told him this morning that I will help him in any way I can but I wont help decieve his wife I told him better to be alone and happy then with someone and misrable I still get the feeling he's going to use my life as a cover though should I tell him that if he does do that then I will be forced to not lie
 
Ross J

Ross J

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Re: in a pikle need advice

Well said already mate. Lies have a way of biting you on the bum when its all turned to custard!<br />I've been there with a friend and refused to help him out. He eventually came unstuck and didn't have me to blame for his endevours.<br />Ross
 
SpinnerBait_Nut

SpinnerBait_Nut

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Re: in a pikle need advice

milo, he is still dragging you into the situation.<br />Tell him you are not gona lie, period and maybe he will see the light and do what is right and set that women free.<br />There is something there he is not happy with or he would not be cheating on her.<br />Never could understand that. Why stay in a relationship when your miserable.<br />Hope there is no children involved cause it makes it real hard on them to see their parents split for whatever reason.
 
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ebbtide176

Commander
Joined
Jan 22, 2002
Messages
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Re: in a pikle need advice

since this will probably be a fleeting issue - an affair, and IF you don't want your bro to hate you, yes i would tell him he knows your position and you will not lie. but you would only tell his wife that she should discuss it with him, because you would rather not be involved or answ those questions.<br /><br />which means she would know something was up, and he would know its as good as telling her, but you're not really telling her. just a thought<br /><br />i guess you could tell him that as far as you're concerned the conversation never happened, and you better never be brought into it. but man, like the others said, what if bro caught something? maybe you can offer to buy him a blowup doll, or arrange to help him become a eunuch! :D :D :D <br /><br />does he think of how hard it would be for you to look his wife in the eye when visiting? she will figure it out just by looking at you. geez
 
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