in a pikle need advice

[Whaler Proud]

Re: in a pikle need advice

I am going through the aftermath of this with my in-laws right now. The bottom line I have learned from this is the hurt of an affair effects more than the three people involved.<br /><br />Many years ago Ross Perot fired one of his top executives for having an affair. His reasoning? "If your wife can't trust you, how can I?" I'd stay clear of the whole thing, but be available if he comes to his senses and agrees to some kind of accountability.<br /><br />My father-in-law has lost my trust and respect forever. He is planning on marrying his girlfriend. With this he will lose all contact with his grandchildren, family holidays, birthdays, graduations and the like. Adultery is one of the most heinous examples of betrayal.

 

[SCO]

Re: in a pikle need advice

I witnessed a friend getting in trouble flirting around with a young lady one evening till 10:00 or so. Turns out he didn't drag in till 12:00, and the wife came to me and asked if I was with him during that period cuz he had said so. I hemmed and hawed and did lie, saying it was late, but I wasn't sure how late. I rationalized it all by thinking they didn't have the right to involve me in their troubles, and that if I told what I knew, who knows what misery could befall all involved. I havn't been friends with the man since that time. I think she knows his character, but seems perfectly happy to this day. Your brother has no business involving you in this. Don't let him, and tell him to straighten up.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Miloman, I feel for you guy. Lots of us has been there and have never liked it one bit. <br /><br /> What is going to happen when an emergency comes up and he has other plans? What happens if your brother gets into an accident with his new friend?<br /><br />What it is going to do is turn you into a liar, and big time in the middle. Then if your married, your wife is then going to be mad at you for being a liar and jeopardize your life.<br /><br />Don't do it! Let him bust himself. It will happen because it always does.<br /><br />I personnally lose respect for anyone who cheats on their mate. It is wrong and immoral. That is why our diviorce rate is out of control and so many children are being raised without morals of a solid family tradition. One parent cannot teach or fulfill both positions of mom and dad.<br /><br />Good Luck Miloman.........SS

 

[ehenry]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Milo, I've been in your shoes before. Just tell him like I told mine. Tell him that you are not going to rat him out, but if she asks....you'll tell the truth. If he can't understand that, too bad. He really shouldn't be putting you in that position anyway. Besides, its going to come out sooner or later. It always does.

 

[Scoop]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Sorry you are in this position Miloman.<br /><br />I agree with EF. He has some guts asking you to cover for him. You are the one that should be angry just being asked this. He is putting you in a position to choose between your values and his. He is the one that is either unhappy enough with his current situation or weak-willed enough to rob the candy store. <br /><br />I have met people that have been given a death sentence because their mate cheated on them. When you get contract HIV that is exactly what it is. <br /><br />I would remind him of this, and tell him that you will not comprise your principals for anyone. Let him know that he put himself in this position and if he is unhappy with his wife, then he should break it off, otherwise it is up to him to cover for himself and that is no way he should use you because you will only tell the truth. You cannot go and tell his wife on this. She will find out in time. If he tells her it will hurt her. If he doesn't tell her and she finds out, it will hurt her. Either way he has destroyed the trust in his marriage and made his bed. Now he has to lie in it.

 

[Tacklewasher]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Man. That's tough.<br /><br />I agree with most of what's been said but wanted to add a couple of thoughts.<br /><br />1. Your relationship with them is changed forever. Even if you don't help him out, his wife will find out you knew and will be pissed. Plus he is going to be mad at you for not helping. Just remember that these two MAY get back together and you want to be sure to do nothing that could hurt relationships at that point.<br /><br />2. I'd be right p******d off with my brother for asking me to help hide it. I'd tell him point blank that I don't want to know about it, am going to pretend the conversation never happened and will never lie for him. Get yourself right out of the middle and stay out. <br /><br />3. My toughest part would be what to say to my wife. If I didn't tell her and she found out, I'd be in the doghouse. If I told her there is no way she'd keep it from her sister-in-law. I'd be mad at being forced to lie to my wife.<br /><br />You now have a secret to take to your grave. Even if his wife finds out and they split, never let it out you knew what was happening.<br /><br />Ain't life grand.

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Greetings,<br /><br />Reaaly advice here....I think Sloopy has about the best if they have any faith. I was cheated on..........thats worst pain I have EVER been in. It took me and the wife mutually reaching out for God to put things back together, and it still over a year. <br /><br />BTW, your bro is not just asking you to lie, he is asking you to bear false witness. If you were to do as he asks, you would be doing serious damage to yourself.<br /><br />Lastly, I have seen some winners with a woman on thier arm. I mean, any loser can get laid, right? Any piece of crap punk can find some woman to give it up. Turning it down is a mans job. If he is not man enough to turn it down and honour his wife and himself......well, what is he?

 

[BarelyLegal]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Milo, I agree with the others. Damn your brother for putting you in this position. You MUST tell him that what he is doing is way wrong, and you will not be a part of it in any way, shape or form. Tell him 'he is on his own' with this one.<br /><br />He is your brother and will forgive you for being frank with him. Just be ready to catch him when he falls, 'cause he will fall.<br /><br />This is from a lady's point of view.<br />

 

[rogerwa]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Essentially, your brother is allowing you to be part of the affair. You get to be part of all the bad parts. Deception and pain, non of the stuff that got him into the trouble.<br /><br />One thing you might think about is the woman he is having an affair with. It is not uncommon for the 'other woman' not to know about his wife or family. If she does know, tell her he has STD's or that he just got out of prison for {fill in the blank}.

 

[SCO]

Re: in a pikle need advice

I didn't know any ladies frequented this board since the trio that bought the boat. Might ought to get a head count.

 

[Barely_Legal]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Yes, ladies do. How else do you think we know so much about fishing and boating. <br /><br />I don't know about the trio who you ripped off, but your secret is safe with me. <br /><br />Seriously, I first came to iboats about a year ago, mainly to learn about different fishing techniques. Ya'll seemed friendly and harmless enough, so I decided to post.

 

[Fishbusters]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Damn now I know I am old when a lady considers me harmless. Welcome to the board at least as a poster.

 

[miloman]

Re: in a pikle need advice

you guys are great I did in fact tell him today that no I wont cover his tracks dont get my family involved what he does is his business not mine and dont make it mine I wont betray him but I wont lie for him too he was mad but he got the hint

 

[OBJ]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Milo....you did the right thing for him and above all YOU! It's his field, let him plow it. Stick to your guns.

 

[Hooty]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Tuff place to be miloman but remember, lots of wives, only one brother.<br /><br />c/6<br /><br />Hooty

 

[Ross J]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Well done Miloman. He may just appreciate it one day. There's nothing as strong as a friendship, if anything is going to get through to this bloke it's going to be his conscience, that or the expensive court battle in the future!! Either way he will get the message sooner or later. Then you'll feel good knowing the right thing was done!<br />Ross

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: in a pikle need advice

WTG milo. He might get mad, but in the long run, he will see that he was wrong for putting you in that position in the first place.<br /><br />Remember, he is still your brother, so hang on to him, cause you don't know when they will be gone.

 

[miloman]

Re: in a pikle need advice

for sure hooty i agree thats for sure but I really dont want to get in the middle of it all after all is said and done if they split I doubt I d ever see her again but still

 

[Skinnywater]

Re: in a pikle need advice

miloman, yes he's your brother but he's not respecting you or his wife.<br />Let him get mad at you, for it is he that doesn't get it.

 

[Scoop]

Re: in a pikle need advice

Miloman, sorry you were in that position but you did the right thing.<br /><br />Barely-legal, Congratulations on the first post. I hope there are many more int he future. The three women that bought the boat did not get ripped off. Hopefully they found some help naming their boat. I am not sure if they asked for any other help. Of course, I am not sure who is male or female for the most part on this board unless they have posted a picture or made a comment.