Anyone personally know a homeless person?

[DECK SWABBER 58]

Had a upsetting experience yesterday. Let a acquaintance use my shop at
work to fix his car. We were talking as he finished up and I happened to notice
his back seat was packed with "stuff" and the passenger seat was reclined
all the way with a blanket on it. Then he opened his trunk and it was packed full.
I looked at him and said "your not living in your car are you"?
He said he was right now, couldn't pay his rent and got evicted. He said he
"couch surfed" as long as he could then went to the homeless shelter but
you can only stay 30 days then it's 15 days before you can go back. He
can still go there and get a meal and a shower everyday though.

I could hardly believe it. I knew for the past year he was down on his luck
but not to this extent. He has a job but it's minimum wage and not full time.
He's constantly looking for another part time job or a full time one. He's not
lazy, he picks up odd jobs for cash anytime he can. He's very intelligent and
doesn't drink or do drugs.

The really sad thing and he does not seem to have a clue, is that he has lost
countless jobs due to his "abrasive" personality. He is a skilled auto mechanic
but everyone in town knows how he is and no one will hire him. He is reduced
to looking for unskilled min. wage jobs competing with much younger people,
he's 48. I feel bad for him with winter fast approaching but what can you do?
SAD.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

There are many, many people just like him in this world.

Couch surfing is never for long but where is his family? Maybe he's pissed them all off with his bad attitude.

His anger or attitude is no doubt from past emotional trauma of some sort. There is help out there if you really want it. Trouble is, you really need to have the right attitude in order to make it in this world, no matter what.

Be kind to him, and offer your compassion. You never know what precipitating factors are causing him to behave the way he does. Your smile may be the only one he receives today.

 

[DayCruiser]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

He needs therapy and/or medication. Learn how to get along with others. He might have a mental illness.
Many though are out of work because their particular jobs skills are not in demand or their is a glut of people doing the same thing. They may need to move where the jobs are or retrain. Very hard for middle aged people to retrain.
When good jobs come open here, 1000s of people show up to put in aps.
Some homeless just get tired of the rat race Our society promotes the idea that if you don't work, you are worthless.

 

[skargo]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

I was homeless 20 some years ago.

 

[sasto]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

I'm not sure another person would have any idea why this person is homeless.

Myself... like others.... have been there at one time or another. As far as my family was concerned... I didn't want them to know I was being unsucessful and not gainfully employed. My dilema was mine, and mine only. I had no need for any intervention (except devine) by anybody. Wasn't sure about my future.....He may have issues....mine was fighting cancer....Ya never know!

Become a friend....as much as you can.....great rewards may follow him and you.


We choose our friends......not our siblings.

Power to you... and your decision. Your concern for this person shows your charactor. Encouragement from you and your friendship with him can go a long way toward healing a good man.

Good luck....swabbie!

 

[dockwrecker]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Amen that!^^^^

 

[aspeck]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Gotta agree with Sasto. Have befriended a few homeless people, helping them find shelter they can afford (had to suppliment some of it without their knowledge. Gave some work so they could afford a place. In the end, watched them eventually gather their life together and move on.

Be his friend and do whatever you can to help without enabling him. It is a fine line, but can be accomplished.

 

[12vMan]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

My 48yo brother is homeless at his own choosing. He literally chose this path on his own. That's how he wants to live. He's a survivor and been that way for probably close to 20 years now.
I've tried to help him over the years - taking him to AA, hired him to try to get him on a different path, but he bragged to me one time many years ago explaining how easy it was to panhandle $50 in a half hour so he could get a bottle of ripple and sit by the lake and let life go by.
He told me that as he was quitting working for me that day and I've seen him once since, but hear of sightings. I never tried to help him since.
I think many are homeless at their own choosing, but then there are those who are down on their luck, but will eventually make a comeback, hopefully.

 

[scipper77]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Many people are good workers when they have a 9-5 but when they find them selves in a bad situation (jobless) they don't have a good skill set to pull out of it. If I lost my job right now It would be a tough adjustment for me and I live a decent life.

I just hope your friend catches a break. Sounds like he brought this on himself with his poor social skills but no able bodied man who want's to work deserves to be homeless.

 

[98Shabah]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

My mom would have been homeless in 2009 if it were for my wife and I. My mom is in her early 60's, single, has a bachelor's degree, and is a hard worker. Mom had a great paying job at one of the large cellular companies until 2007 when they downsized and she was laid off.. She looked for work for almost 2 years, finally at the beginning of 2009 we moved her in with us, she has no other family.
While she lived with us she filed for bankruptcy to shed the debt she accrued during her 2yrs of being unemployed, then was able to find a minimum wage job with no benefits at a shoe store where she worked for 8 months, she got an apartment again, then 2 months later the shoe store closed up..
She's been looking for work again but there is nothing out there other than part time minimum wage jobs. We've already started planning for her to move back in and we're looking into her just taking an early retirement.

It's tough, we are a single income family, my wife and I are in our early 30s, we have two kids, ages 3 and 9.... I never though at this stage in our lives that we'd already be taking care of a parent.

 

[windshield_time]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Me, my wife, and our two children.

In 2001 the company I worked for went bankrupt, they laid the majority of the staff off, unfortunately I was one of them. Four days after making the payment on my new/used truck. It took a year looking and being un/under employed before my Wife and I knew we couldn't keep the house. During that time a lot of "friends" deserted us, a lot of family too. We moved into a hotel with our 2 children for 2 months and then a real friend found out what was going on, I was working but couldn't make enough to pay for the mortgage, the truck was repossessed. They let us stay in their house with them for 7 months. It was a small house, my kids 7 and 12 and their 1 year old. Our church helped us a lot too, paying the car ins. so I could still look for a job, food baskets, and somebody to talk to. We tried to get help from shelters, they have one for women and kids, one for men, but none for families. The women and kids shelter told my wife in order for her to get in she had to file a report that I was abusing her and/or the kids. That was not an option. My parents who live in another state were too busy bailing my brother out of jail to help. My in-laws couldn't help. We were part of the working homeless. I finally saved up enough for a security deposit and rented the place we are in now. Shortly after moving in here I found the job I have now, been there 7 years last month.

I once had a conversation with a co-worker who thought all homeless people wanted to be. Man did he get an earful. The system sucks for helping those who really need it. I wasn't then nor am I now a druggie or alcoholic, but if I had been there are alot of programs to help those people. Just an average guy who got hit hard because of someone elses bad business decisions.

I applaud you for your willingness to see past the sterotype that comes with being homeless. Each person needs to be evaluated on their own merits, not their financial or living conditions.

Maybe give the guy a hand, not a hand out, possibly let him park his car in the lot at work (if ok with boss) or something to that effect. He might get in trouble with the cops for living in his car.

 

[jonesg]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

The really sad thing and he does not seem to have a clue, is that he has lost
countless jobs due to his "abrasive" personality.

but what can you do?

Lead him to his truth.
Ask him if he'd like to get a clue.
If not, don't waste compassion on self destructive types.
The more you try to help, the worse he'll get because you keep lowering his bottom that he needs to hit. Then he'll blame you.

Can't be too dumb to find the truth about oneself,
but its possible to be too clever.

The really sad thing is most people don't know the truth about themselves, as long as they have a job and all the toys they think they're fine.

 

[jkust]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

I was homeless 20 some years ago.

Interesting so was I. The rule as I learned in my house growing up was out the door when you turn 18. My sister literally came home from school on her 18th birthday, belongings on the front yard, turned away forever. That can be difficult in February in Minnesota as was the case for me. Don't come back and don't ask for anything cause my folks legal responsibility was complete. Having no home will certainly kick you in the butt. My sister put herself through college and earns $200k these days. I put myself through college as well and am a senior executive at my company. I have a different take on homelessness having started literally on the street. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[skargo]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Interesting so was I. The rule as I learned in my house growing up was out the door when you turn 18. My sister literally came home from school on her 18th birthday, belongings on the front yard, turned away forever. That can be difficult in February in Minnesota as was the case for me. Don't come back and don't ask for anything cause my folks legal responsibility was complete. Having no home will certainly kick you in the butt. My sister put herself through college and earns $200k these days. I put myself through college as well and am a senior executive at my company. I have a different take on homelessness having started literally on the street. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I know for a fact I am a better person for going through it. I was homeless when I left home for good when I turned 16, then again when I was 21, and thought drugs and alcohol were the most important things in life!
Now I control my own here and now. I use lessons learned from those times all the time too!

 

[jkust]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

I know for a fact I am a better person for going through it. I was homeless when I left home for good when I turned 16, then again when I was 21, and thought drugs and alcohol were the most important things in life!
Now I control my own here and now. I use lessons learned from those times all the time too!

Well the killer was that both my sister and I had no vices, were high achievers, excelled in school, sports and all that stuff. My folks are missing whatever it is in your dna that makes you give a crap about your kids. I've actually never in all my years encountered it to the extreme my folks are. They belong in the Guiness Book. They are still the same 19 years later as the cycle continues with their grandkids. I took a lot out of it but the most overt things are being conservative especially financially. The weird thing is we, (my family and kids) are some of the most successful people around now. My wife owns a wildly successful consulting company she started with a telephone and zero dollars and I mentioned my status above. I say that with pride having had to work double hard for it. I attribute that to a challenging upbringing. When I see someone with success then I find out they were kid gloved, put through college, given a big boost in starting life, I still think to myself, I'd bet dollars to dougnhuts they'd be nowhere near their status if they had to do it themselves. My industry is full of formerly rich kids now rich themselves. When I see a homeless person or whatever, my thoughts don't go to charity.

 

[sasto]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Power to you guys.......

 

[skargo]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Well the killer was that both my sister and I had no vices, were high achievers, excelled in school, sports and all that stuff. My folks are missing whatever it is in your dna that makes you give a crap about your kids. I've actually never in all my years encountered it to the extreme my folks are. They belong in the Guiness Book. They are still the same 19 years later as the cycle continues with their grandkids. I took a lot out of it but the most overt things are being conservative especially financially. The weird thing is we, (my family and kids) are some of the most successful people around now. My wife owns a wildly successful consulting company she started with a telephone and zero dollars and I mentioned my status above. I say that with pride having had to work double hard for it. I attribute that to a challenging upbringing. When I see someone with success then I find out they were kid gloved, put through college, given a big boost in starting life, I still think to myself, I'd bet dollars to dougnhuts they'd be nowhere near their status if they had to do it themselves. My industry is full of formerly rich kids now rich themselves. When I see a homeless person or whatever, my thoughts don't go to charity.

It takes all kinds, that is for sure. I never made it through the 10th grade, bur am doing better than 90% of my smart, "educated" friends and acquaintances. And when times get tough I seem to excel, when I see other acting hopeless and pitiful.
I offer people begging at the intersections work and food all the time, seldom get taken up on the offers though.

I am glad I got my homeless phase over with when I was a young man, it would suck to be old and homeless.
I don't think my old bones would deal with it as well.

I wish no one ever had to be homeless, unless they made that choice themselves. Homeless kids kill me...

 

[DECK SWABBER 58]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

.

Couch surfing is never for long but where is his family? Maybe he's pissed them all off with his bad attitude.

His anger or attitude is no doubt from past emotional trauma of some sort. There is help out there if you really want it. Trouble is, you really need to have the right attitude in order to make it in this world, no matter what.

From what I've heard from other people his father is just like him. My guess is that his mother doesn't know he's homeless. They live in Arizona. I've met his brother and he is nothing like him. Bet he doesn't know either.

Become a friend....as much as you can.....great rewards may follow him and you.

Power to you... and your decision. Your concern for this person shows your charactor. Encouragement from you and your friendship with him can go a long way toward healing a good man.

Thanks for the kind words. I never cease to be amazed at the incredible
people I've met here on iboats. After living for 52+ yrs. I'm convinced that
"paying it forward" really works.

Be his friend and do whatever you can to help without enabling him. It is a fine line, but can be accomplished.

I've thought long and hard about this the past few days.

I just hope your friend catches a break. Sounds like he brought this on himself with his poor social skills but no able bodied man who want's to work deserves to be homeless.

That's the problem, unless he understands what the problem is he's never
going to catch a break.

Lead him to his truth.
Ask him if he'd like to get a clue.
If not, don't waste compassion on self destructive types.
The more you try to help, the worse he'll get because you keep lowering his bottom that he needs to hit. Then he'll blame you.

Can't be too dumb to find the truth about oneself,
but its possible to be too clever.

Good point. I'm really tempted but I'm fairly sure that people who know him
better then I have already done this.

I know for a fact I am a better person for going through it. I was homeless when I left home for good when I turned 16, then again when I was 21, and thought drugs and alcohol were the most important things in life!
Now I control my own here and now. I use lessons learned from those times all the time too!

One of my best friends in high school got thrown out of his house by his father due to drugs and alcohol. He lived in his car and when it got really cold (Chicago) his mother would leave a basement window unlocked so he could crawl in and sleep. A few years after I moved away for college my Mom called and said they found him dead on the railroad tracks run over by a train near a local bar/hangout. To this day I've never forgotten this. That could have been me, leaving home when I did saved my life.

I really appreciate everyone not turning this into a political rant about
homeless people. Your thought's and experience's have been great.
My career path has brought me in contact with many people less fortunate
then me, I have a pretty thick skin but this kind of threw me for a loop.

 

[DECK SWABBER 58]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Homeless kids kill me...

My significant other was on her own at 16 due to a abusive alcoholic father in W. Va. Her mother fled for her life leaving two kids behind. She is one of the toughest people I have ever met. God Bless all of the kids who are being abused and neglected because they don't have proper parent's.

 

[jonesg]

Re: Anyone personally know a homeless person?

Obviously theres a huge difference between abandonment homelessness and ending up on the street due to ones own defiance and belligerent nature.
The former are victim, the latter are volunteers.
The former experiences pain,
the latter "suffers" due to the choices they make.

The latter type can only be helped when they've beaten themselves up and are good and bloody, then they become teachable.
Pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth, so don't try to cushion their blow.

They won't understand but its better to understand than to be understood.