A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

[mellowyellow]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

ain't no easy answer IMO JT... every kids diferent!<br />what would worry me most is losing her alltogether<br />and being a hard azz may just accomplish that.<br /><br />do I agree with her decision? no<br />would I do everything in my power to disuade her?<br />yes<br />would I completely allienate her as as an outcast?<br />he!! no!<br /><br />when the going get's tuff...

 

[samagee]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Well, it is amazing how many people go through life with blinders on. All I can say, is that when I was a young man, I loved it when my girlfriends parents were like a lot here. That meant I was getting laid, and their parents didn't know it.<br /><br />People, regardless of age, are going to have sex. I can jump up and down and try every thing in the world to prevent that. If some remember my earlier postings, they would remember my cameras and other devices I mentioned that I used to monitor my kids. My having those devices started a ton of arguements. Yet the real kicker was the amount of my time it took, after work, to review video and audio recordings. That doesn't even touch on the amount of email, and keyboard capture text files I had to go through in a day. All just to keep up on 4 teenagers.<br /><br />The two step daughters I did not raise. They had a father who is a no good for nothing pot smoker, even into his 40's now. I try to do my best to influence them. At times they are influenced by how my boys and I interact. Yet, they have that underlying training that always comes back out. The oldest step daughter turns 18 in a few weeks. She basically plans to drop out of school at that time, and move in with her boyfriend. For now she is living back with us after her Aunt kicked her out. My 18 year old son just enlisted with the Navy nuke program, and will be graduating this year.<br /><br />All I can say is, that I have been through this.

 

[Butch Ammon]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Originally posted by SoulWinner:<br /> Jtexas,<br /><br />Dang dude. That is a real tough situation. I would have freaked right out!

Same here.... <br /><br />My twin girls are 18 years old - going to be 19 soon. They still have rules and know the difference between right and wrong. I know all the various boyfriends and the boyfriends' parents (all boys brought into the house were also in band with my girls - and I was on the band boosters school board too. Besides, I knew *ALL* the band kids and their parents!)<br /><br />The boyfriends now are good kids and I've known them since they were all in middle school. They know where I stand and even though I'm "cool" as a dad, I can go to flaming ***hole in 0.2 seconds flat and start to get the Remington 870 out of the safe! <br /><br />Butch A.

 

[JasonB]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Johnshan, we are verys similar except in two aspects. I turn 30 this year, and I have a 15 month old daughter.<br /><br />While I'll agree that all kids are quite different, I look in my wife's family as well as my own and there are common threads between the kids of each family. I have one brother and one sister. They grew up with both parents in the house. My parents divorced when I was 11. All three of us are doing well, none of us has ever been in jail or in a serious car accident. We all got into things as kids and my brother was the only one who got "caught" and has a daughter from the experience, however he took the responsibility, they got married, and that daughter is graduating as the Valedictorian of her high school class in a couple months on her way to college. My sister has two chldren that she was blessed with a few years after being married. <br /><br />My wife's sister was married a couple months before the baby arrived. That was 8 years ago and they now have another taht is less than 1.<br /><br />My wife and I were married over 5 years when we tried to have a child and now we have a beautiful little girl. Mom has been a stay at home mom since day 1. <br /><br />My Mom was a stay at home mom until the divorce. My brother's wife was at home until their daughter was at least 5-6.<br /><br />I guess the point is that I have no intention of just hoping my children grow up to be ok. I fully intend to guide them as much as possible. My wife is a stay-at-home for that reason as we've been blessed to be able to do that, but we also tried to set it up that way. My child will be raised as I was. I had freedom within boundries and I would test them, but I knew there were consequences if I crossed them. Lastly, Society will not be raising my children. That's not my job, it's my privelage. Teachers are there to teach, not to babysit, nor will the TV raise them, esp. in the early years. I firmly believe that the early years, say 0-6, heavily influence the way a child will be as a young adult. If that's old fashioned, that's ok by me.<br /><br /><br />All in all, this is only my opinion. It and about $1.00 will get you a cheap cup of coffee most places.<br /><br />JTexas, I'm not pointing this at you,just babblng in general after reading the comments above. From what little I know from your posts, it sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing. There will be some rough sleepless nights and definetly some arguments ahead, but make sure you and Mrs. JTexas are in agreement, hold your ground, and do what you must. It's great that his parents are on board as well and you have a united front. Those kids may walk out of this much more responsible and "grown up" than you could imagine. Best wishes.

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

OneMoreCast,<br /><br />Been there, done that, couldn't afford the stinking t-shirt. But we are finally on our feet too. Been a hell of a ride, things turned out good, but I wouldn't recommend it for anyone. I graduated high school in 1985, college in 1998. I wouldn't have been able to go to college if it hadn't for a 20% service connected dissability, and a medical discharge from the army. We lived in rat and roach infested crap holes, drove beaters that died on the way home with a couple of bags of food stamp bought groceries. Sometimes I forget just how poor we were. It is tough to pay all the bills and support three people on under $400. a month.

 

[DJ]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Ken,<br /><br />Didn't say I was perfect. But, I did always have something hanging over my head that told me not to disrespect my parents. They are/were wonderful people and I did not want to hurt them.<br /><br />KB,<br /><br />No hard feelings. We do the best we can. I just think society (parents) today are a bit to lenient.

 

[demsvmejm]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Originally posted by DJ:<br /> Ken,<br /><br />It's NEVER too late. She is in his house, eating his food, under his roof. He is the boss. If she doesn't like it, there are alternatives.<br /><br />Don't mean to sound like a hard a$$, but that seems to be just what this society has lost. The ability to make rules and make them stick.

Samagee is unfortunately right. The courts have stripped parents of all rights to parent but have blindly refused to relieve any responsibility of the parents. You can't discipline your child but you are certainly guilty if your children make a mistake. The courts have taken away, "The ability to make rules and make them stick."

 

[demsvmejm]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Originally posted by snapperbait:<br />

We can't cuff 'em & put bars on the windows.

Says who? <br /><br />I'd tell em' "WATCH ME!"...<br />

The courts say so. It's called child abuse and endangerment The bars would hinder egress in a fire, and the cuff's, well that would be "cruel and unusual".

 

[DJ]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Samagee is unfortunately right. The courts have stripped parents of all rights to parent but have blindly refused to relieve any responsibility of the parents. You can't discipline your child but you are certainly guilty if your children make a mistake. The courts have taken away, "The ability to make rules and make them stick."

David,<br /><br />Yep, unfortunetaly a "kneejerk" reaction to a few bad apples.

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

Originally posted by DJ:<br /> <br />KB,<br /><br />No hard feelings. We do the best we can. I just think society (parents) today are a bit to lenient.

I agree 100% on all three accts.

 

[demsvmejm]

Re: A true story of two teenagers who believe their own fantasy

JTexas I really understand your position. My (then) 14 yo son and his (then) 15yo GF decided it was okay to have sex. He lied to me over and over. I found out that she's had multiple pregnancy scares. My wife I moved him to a new school, talked to him and to his GF's mom, to his mom and step-dad. We all agreed that the behavior was inappropriate. But subsequently his GF's mom told us that the two of them would have sex no matter what, if it wasn't with each other it would be with someone else. Is that crazy or what? It's as good as saying you're gonna do it no matter what so it's ok. He's been po'd at me for awhile now, but hey he's got a female 'best-friend' now that I would like to become a GF instead of the promiscuous one. At least the best-friend is mostivated, smart, and has goals. The promiscuous one seems to have a goal of being pregnant when she gradustes. For all the reasons already stated about love, acceptance, and attention. And let's not forget about the high # of guys who say "That's your problem" when a girl gets pregnant. But JTexas, I admire your dedication to your daughter not-of-your-loins. I'm sorry, she IS your daughter, no matter what. It shows that "Dad" is more of an attitude of love and dedication than of biology. And you affirm my education and intense supervision technique of handling the situation. I wish you the best in your situation and will pray for your daughter to realize how much this can negatively impact her.