SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
* Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.<br /><br /> * The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.<br /><br /> * You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.<br /><br /> * You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.<br /><br /> * Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.<br /><br /> * You find your sons GI Joe doll dressed in drag.<br /><br /> * You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.<br /><br /> * Your twin sister forgets your birthday.<br /><br /> * Your 4-year-old tells you that it's almost impossible to flush a grape-fruit down the toilet.<br /><br /> * You realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant.<br /><br /> * You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H<br /><br /> * You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.<br /><br /> * You start to put up the clothes you wore home from the party last night...and there aren't any.<br /><br /> * It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.<br />Ain't it the truth<br /><br /> * You wake up to the soothing sound of running water...and remember that you just bought a waterbed.<br /><br /> * Your car payment, house payment, and girlfriend are three months overdue.<br /><br /> * Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.<br /><br /> * The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.<br /><br /> * You wake up and your braces are stuck together.<br /><br /> * You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.<br /><br /> * Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.<br /><br /> * Your income tax refund check bounces.<br /><br /> * You put both contact lenses in the same eye.<br /><br /> * You compliment the boss' wife on her unusual perfume and she isn't wearing any.<br /><br /> * You need one bathroom scale for each foot.<br /><br /> * You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.<br /><br /> * The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it.<br /><br /> * Nothing you own is actually paid for.<br /><br /> * You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your new spouse.<br /><br /> * You receive a 150-page instruction booklet on how to save money...from the electric company.<br /><br /> * Airline food starts to taste good.<br /><br /> * Your mother approves of the person you are dating.<br /><br /> * Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies.<br /><br /> * You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD.<br /><br /> * You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.<br /><br /> * You take longer to get over sex than you did to have it.<br /><br /> * Your cat abandons the nice box you prepared for her and has her kittens in your dresser drawer.<br /><br /> * Everyone loves your driver's license picture.<br /><br /> * You realize that the phone number on the bathroom wall of the bar is yours.<br /><br /> * Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.<br /><br /> For DJ<br /> * Your aunt Maddie, who has two poodles and a chihuahua, tells you that her doctor just recommended plenty of rest in a warm, dry climate...and you live in Arizona.<br /><br /> * The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker. <br /><br /> * You look out the window of the airplane and the Goodyear Blimp is gaining on you.<br /><br /> * The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.<br /><br /> * People think you are 40...and you really are.<br /><br /> * You are pigging out at McDonald's by yourself and the manager orders the numbers on the sign outside changed.<br /><br /> * Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific." And you remember that you were home by yourself. 
<br /><br /> * Everyone is laughing but you.
<br /><br /> * Everyone is laughing but you.