Twidget
Commander
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2004
- Messages
- 2,192
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE<br /><br />1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.<br /><br />2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.<br /><br />3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.<br /><br />4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our<br />anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.<br /><br />5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.<br /><br />6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.<br /><br />7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."<br /><br />8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.<br /><br />9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No,jump in!"<br /><br />10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.<br /><br />11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her<br />first name was Always.<br /><br />12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.<br /><br />13. The last fight was my fault though! My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"<br /><br />Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it.........this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word ....... just clean and simple fun. 
