Transplanting Ones-self.

[eeboater]

So, after a lot of debating and discussing... mrs. eeboater and I have decided that it is time to move home. Both of us grew up in the Green Bay area and we miss it. It is a weird thing, I never expected my final port of call to be the same one I set sail from, but oddly enough - this is something that feels so right, there's no way its wrong.<br /><br />Right now, we live in the Milwaukee area and just aren't "comfortable" yet. Don't get me wrong, it's a great area - in fact, I'm not even really in Milwaukee I'm way west of it (about 30 minutes) but it still doesn't feel like "Home" after living in the area for almost 7 years. <br /><br />There are several reasons why we want to move back other than "it doesn't feel right here." But the primary two reasons are:<br /><br />

• <br />
• We want to start having a family, and that is where the rest of our family (mom's and dad's, grandmas' and grandpas,etc) is.<br />
• My grandmother has fallen on hard times and she is living pretty much alone in Texas. I don't want this to happen to my mother. I want to be there for both my in-laws as well as my mother.<br />

<br /><br />As you can understand this decision is going to require some risky and life-changing moves on our part. As of right now, I am in a job that I enjoy as well as make a good income. My wife is in the same situation. I'm not concerned about finding another job as I'm in IT (and I'm pretty good at it - not to toot my own horn). <br /><br />What concerns me is the house changes. The cost of living and the cost of housing is dramatically less in Green Bay as compared to the Milwaukee area. So, if I maintain my income, or make slightly less, we can still afford a great house. From what I am told (by several HR people) I am underpaid at my current job. So it is possible for me to maintain my income in GB since the cost of living is lower (after adjusting income based on region).<br /><br />My questions to everyone are, has anyone ever made a move like this before? How did you handle the sell old/buy new house situation? What was the plan you put in place? I figure it should be (and currently is) find job, put house on market, begin searching for new house, sell house, buy new house, live happily ever after.<br /><br />Unreasonable/Crazy?<br /><br />Thanks for any advice.<br /><br />Sean<br /><br />

 

[DJ]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

I'll be BLUNT.<br /><br />I've moved five times-corporately. All metro areas, very diversified economics.<br /><br />1. DO NOT CONSIDER IT without a job or an income stream.<br /><br />2. "Home" ain't always what it's cracked up to be. I hate to say this but "some", "relatives" cane be an ANCHOR. Your only responsibilty is to your parents and your spouses parents and any dependent siblings. Don't get sucked into the <br />endless vortex of "hangers on".

 

[eeboater]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

DJ - thanks for the feedback. I am not even going to consider the move unless I have a stable, long-term job in place first. <br /><br />As for the "hangers on" thing. I understand what you are talking about. All but 2 of our friends are what I would call "townies" where they never did anything for themselves. The real reason for me to have my kids by family is because of my past. I grew up sans aunts, uncles & grandparents. They all lived in different parts of the country, parts that I couldn't get to without an airplane (too long to reasonably drive). My parents got divorced when I was 7, so I can probably even say that I don't "really" know my father either. This is something I do NOT want my kids to have to go through. I want them to be able to spend weekends with their grandparents rather than visit once every 7 years. Whether or not this is a legitimate reason to make the move I guess is a matter of opinion. IMO, its worth it.<br /><br />Again, thanks for the feedback.<br /><br />Sean

 

[DJ]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

ee,<br /><br />Times have changed.<br /><br />Family isn't what it used to be. If your family has been around the "townies", they're "townies" too!<br /><br />Be careful!

 

[JB]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

I have pulled up stakes and relocated 7 times, eeb.<br /><br />Once it was back to the area where I grew up. Twice, and finally, it was to Texas.<br /><br />1. As DJ advises, get the income/job/business part done first.<br /><br />2. Check out the culture, environment and climate. Any one of them can make you an alien.<br /><br />3. Family is everything to some, trivial to others. My ties to my parents and siblings were as weak as my ties to my descendants and their mom/grandma are unbreakable. In the end we all live within a few hours and mostly within an hour.<br /><br />The first time I came to Texas, over 30 years ago, I had been here only a few months when I realized that I was born a Texican and finally was home.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Hmmm I moved from Thailand to USA to be closer to family and havent regretted it. I still miss Thailand, but the USA is so much better to raise a family.<br /><br />But the first thing I did was make sure I had a job waiting for me. Wouldnt have made the move otherwise.<br /><br />Ken

 

[BF]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Hmmmm...<br /><br />aren't you only about 2 hour drive away now? I don't know your situation, but sometimes families get along better when they're not super close. Close enough to see each other often, but not so close that they start imposing on each other or taking the other for granted, or falling into old father/mother vs daughter/son struggles.<br /><br />If you want to move 'cause you like the city better, that's enough reason. But I think if you have the idea that living 20 min's away from family instead of 2 hours is gonna somehow revolutionize those relationships, I think you might be disappointed.<br /><br />If you do get along well with the folks, it is great to have extended family who are eager to babysit once in a while be close by. Good for everyone. Also nice that cousins/aunts/uncles actually get to know each other etc. That takes some effort even if you're all in the same town. You could probably manage to do that from a 2 hour distance, it'd just take a bit more effort/compromise.<br /><br />anyway, yes moving is a big deal... a pain no matter how good it goes.<br /><br />anyway that's my $.02. Good luck.

 

[Wimperdink]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

I guess i've been lucky.... I've transplanted 6 times.. all cross country and never had work waiting on me in the new locations... The last move worked out as I gained enough experiance in my field of work that when I moved, I started my own buisness. I got lucky and its worked out good so far. <br /><br />I will agree with the others in that dont expect the old hometown to be all roses. Chances are that they have all remained the same and you have probably changed a lot in the meantime... your interests will not lay where everyone else still is. I speak from experiance on that. I found myself realizing I didnt like doing all the things I used to enjoy and wasnt as much fun as I expected being back with the old friends and away I went again.

 

[Boomyal]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

EE, just remember, you always tend to remember the good stuff about 'home' and forget the not so good. Add to that the potential changes in 'home' since you've been gone and you could go thru a whole lot of effort only to be disappointed.<br /><br />When I made my one big move, from L.A. to the Pacific Northwest, it was to find a better environment for the kids to grow up in. I always remember the good things about L.A., especially on cloudy days, but I always conciously dredge up the not so good and add it to the things that I know have changed there to keep a balance.<br /><br />Eventually all our direct family followed us up here. They moved to us, not the otherway around. Now if you are just totally dissatisfied with where you are then........

 

[Twidget]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Carefully consider the move. There has been a lot of good advice given. <br /><br />I live 170 miles from my Dad and sisters, 300 from Mom. It's easier to avoid the family politics that way.

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Think it through.<br />My wife and i up an left New Zealand to live in Australia in '88.<br />No family, no friends, no house, no jobs.Nothing.<br />Wasn't easy, but we got established and have prospered.<br />Looking back on some of the crxppy jobs we took, like builders labourer and wife cleaning butts in an old peoples home....well it was different.<br />But, the sky was always blue, the sun always shone, we were happy then and am now.<br />If you want it badly enough, you'll do it.<br />Go for it.<br />Cheers<br />Phillip

 

[Triton II]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

I'm with KP... go for it. I grew up in Sydney Australia, went to the UK as a young adult to join the RAF and pursue my dream to fly... then met my ex-wife and settled down and brought her and the kids back to Sydney. Never regretted anything apart from the divorce ($$ ouch!) and now I'm as happy as I ever have been and love being back close to my sisters and my Dad. Just do it!

 

[KRS]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Got married, moved 1000 miles away (searched for promotion within a parent company) and lived for 2 years, started a family..... was the BEST thing I ever did.... didn't have MY friends or HER friends or my folks always in our business.... it was her and I and that's all we had, all we needed, and it was a great start to our time together.<br /><br />Nothing is quite like getting away from family so you can live YOUR life with your spouse and kids... away from their influence, then move closer and let them visit and get aquainted and be family.<br /><br />Everyone needs time to MAKE their spouse and kids their family without everyone else around.

 

[KRS]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Like DJ, I have moved for the company 4 times.

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Originally posted by azfyrfyter63:<br /> <br /><br />Everyone needs time to MAKE their spouse and kids their family without everyone else around.

wow! Never really seen it put down in words quite so well.<br /><br />That is something that rings so true.<br /><br />I'd give it a lot of thought eeb, then I'd wait a few months and then I'd think it through one more time.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

EE, IMHO I would talk to your relatives and get an idea of what their reactions are. Sometimes moving closer to your family ties can be a headache. Such as we need your help doing this and that. Makes it hard to make plans for your own family especially when you have kids of your own. <br /><br />You and your mrs have put together your own family setting. This is what you build off for your very own. Focus on your children when you do get blessed with them. Outside interference can make it very hard to raise your children as you see fit.<br /><br />Make a list of good a bad. Then compare the two. Good luck in you decesion and the best of luck.....SS

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Will tell you something else that has happened to us.<br />Since we live in a place people come to for a holiday, we have an endless stream of visitors. Most are real welcome, but we do get a few (family normally - the ones we have never heard from for decades) that turn up (with all the kids in tow), camp here, and get watered and fed, have a great time then bxggar off , never to be heard of again. Some even use my car to do the holiday thing.<br />Cheers<br />Phillip

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

As stated above, you can never go "Home" again. Life carries on for those you left, and you’re returning to a changed place with people who are not in the same "Place" as when you left. I have lived in three different states and am in my 3rd "home town". We still visit our previous home towns from time to time but their less home like as time passes. Returning home after any real amount of time away will take some adjusting to. Not saying it won't be great just expect it to be different. Best of luck to you ee.

 

[dolluper]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

Is it possible your old home has changed in 7 years ,maybe it's not the place you remember and miss.Having your family far away has alot of advantages,it also makes trips home more special and time together more appreicated.You do have a job and your wife does to,the fact it has been your home for 7 years,maybe you would miss it too if you move.It's a tough call to make make yourself of advantages and disadvantages it might give you the answer.Happiness is the biggest issue

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Transplanting Ones-self.

We moved 2,000 miles away from family when our daughter was 4 years old to find better jobs and live in a better climate.<br /><br />I have regrets as far as taking her away from her grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. Now that she has children of her own, she's upset about never getting to have the kind of relationship with her grandparents that her kids have with us. She really feels that she missed out and I agree.<br /><br />I also regret that when we all did live close, we didn't see eachother more often than birthdays and holidays. I constantly get on my sisters and brother to spend more time with Mom or have little family getogethers on Sunday at least. I miss them all, cry every holiday. You have no idea how much until you can't be there for eachother in good times and bad, because you're so far away.<br /><br />As far as being under their influence or the petty arguments between family members that arise from time to time, its worth putting up with in my opinion. The rewards are greater than the sacrifice.