Thursday Thoughts

[SoulWinner]

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"<br /><br />Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's rear"<br /><br />Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?<br /><br />Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?<br /><br />If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?<br /><br />Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?<br /><br />If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut....why can't he fix a hole in a boat?<br /><br />Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?<br /><br />Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?<br /><br />Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!<br /><br />What do you call male ballerinas?<br /><br />Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?<br /><br />If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?<br /><br />If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?<br /><br />If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?<br /><br />If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?<br /><br />Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?<br /><br />Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?<br /><br />Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?<br /><br />Why did you try singing the two songs above?<br /><br />Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your --- ?<br /><br />Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?<br /><br />Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

 

[sangerwaker]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

Tp quote Budweiser-Why ask why? <br /><br />Good ones Soulwinner! <br /><br />Some are kinda thought provoking....or not

 

[AK_Chappy]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

Good Funnies.<br />I likes em<br /><br />AK Chappy

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

<br />You are rockin' AK Chappy

 

[KaGee]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

Why Daddy???? But, why?<br />But, why?<br />But, why?<br />But, why?<br />But, why?<br />But, why?<br />But, why?<br />But, why?<br />But, why?..... and on and on and on..........

 

[spratt]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

"If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?"<br /><br />What about motor oil, or 3-n-1 oil, or castor oil, or suntan oil.....

 

[gaugeguy]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

Who thought "I bet if I lick this giant frog, I can catch a buzz"

 

[KennyKenCan]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" <br />A) Fred Little<br /><br />Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's rear" <br />A) Freds younger brother, Irv Little<br /><br />Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? <br />A) Its a conspericy to make you buy more bread<br /><br />Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? <br />A) Because the bulb can't stand the freezing temperatures<br /><br />If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? <br />A) Because someone needed some money, so they wrote the song<br /><br />Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? <br />A) NO! All occupants of the vehicle must have a pulse in order to use the HOV lane<br /><br />If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut....why can't he fix a hole in a boat? <br />A) Too much dry-rot! Anyone taken a serious look at the Minnow lately?<br /><br />Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? <br />A) Don't want to give anyone the wrong impression<br /><br />Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? A) Because the OB-GYN always likes a surprise<br /><br />Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! <br />A) Because Goofy can talk, and Pluto can't<br /><br />What do you call male ballerinas? <br />A) GAY<br /><br />Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream? <br />A) Yeah they dream. They dream about dark places they wish they could see<br /><br />If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? <br />A) Where would the fun be in that?<br /><br />If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? <br />A) Ummmm...Testicales?<br /><br />If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? <br />A) Baby Whales<br /><br />If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? <br />A) Morality comes from moroons, not morons<br /><br />Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? <br />A) I don't know, but the last time I was at WallyWorld, the place was crawling with mice!<br /><br />Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? <br />A) Their not tunes, they are songs!<br /><br />Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? <br />A) Yeah, but the letters are reversed!<br /><br />Why did you try singing the two songs above? <br />A) I didn't!<br /><br />Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your --- ? <br />A) Because the guy who named asteriod, after seeing one for the first time, was in the middle of his splif, while sitting on the bowl<br /><br />Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? <br />A) Thats because your breath stinks<br /><br />Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? <br />A) Most certainly does!

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

Kenny,<br /><br />You are a man of infinite wisdom.

 

[Mrs Soulwinner]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

KKC, You rule!! <br />ROTFLMBO

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Thursday Thoughts

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.<br /><br />She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.<br /><br />It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.<br /><br />In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.<br /><br />She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.<br /><br />Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.<br /><br />Unfortunately her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.<br /><br />As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune....<br /><br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.