Somethin serious to discuss with you fellas

amtsst

Petty Officer 3rd Class
Joined
Jul 21, 2002
Messages
76
Fellas, I have something important to discuss with you. Its a tough topic and its hard to hear but I'm gonna toss it up there anyway because you need to think about this stuff.<br /><br />My grandfather will go to Heaven this afternoon. He is 90 and had a good, rich life. He never had much money but he did have a good wife, four great kids (buried one of them), and a marriage that lasted 64 years. He served his country in the Big War and went on to an additional 35 years of work in the Pentagon. He went to church on Sunday and taught his kids and grandkids respect, manners, and faith. He held his only great-grandchild last night for the last time (see my profile). The last intelligible words I heard him say were "thats a beautiful baby. she looks like me".<br /><br />The family has been through a lot over the past month or two and I have learned some important lessons that I want to share:<br /><br />Because my granddad wasn't getting older and was "fine...so mind your own business", he didn't get his affairs in order. He didn't make plans. He didn't get his money straight. He didn't speak with a lawyer. He didn't talk to his banker. He didn't grant power of attorney. He didn't tell anyone where his money is or how to get to it (cause its HIS, mind you). As a result, my grandmother knows absolutely nothing except where the checkbook is (there's about $2,500 in there). We have big bills to pay and can't figure out where the heck his assets are hidden. I actually found a stock certificate worth $10,000 last night, searching through some boxes in the basement. That's scarry. I put a lot of thought into this next statement and I hope you'll think about it some:<br /><br />"Getting older is a painful and an oftentimes challenging process but it is a change that is ordained by God and it will happen with or without your consent. Men, get your business in order before you are unable to formulate a plan on your own and it falls to someone else. Identify somebody you trust who is substantially younger than you are and grant them power of attorney. Sign your advance medical directives so that your children are not forced to guess what your wishes are if you should lose consciousness. Make your own funeral arrangements and pay for them. Funerals cost a minimum of $5,000 and often run north of $10,000. This money will be spent one way or the other. Perhaps it will be spent by your children who are struggling to pay mortgages and tuitions or by your spouse who is on a tiny fixed income...but this money will be spent by someone for your funeral. It ought to be you. Consolidate your finances into a single checking account and a single investment account. Have your attorney, child, or advisor added to the account. Speak to a financial counselor about good estate planning and management practices. List every account, utility bill, and asset you have along with associated account numbers and contact information. Put this list it in a safe place and let family members know where it is. Pay your insurance premiums and other recurring items a month or two into the future so that your family doesn't have to race around at the last minute trying to keep the electricity turned on. Identify heirlooms, toys (boats ;) ), and vehicles that you wish to give away. List them on a piece of paper and sign the bottom. Dispose of junk and unused items that you don't need anymore. Somebody will have to clean out your closets and garage. It should be you while you're still perfectly capable. At the time of your passing, your family will be in great pain. It is your responsibility to be a good steward and leader of your family. Planning for our return home is an important part of this responsibility and it is incumbent upon us to get it straight. We get to choose neither the terms nor the timing of our departure from this life. Our children, grandchildren, friends, and wifes will greive our passing to be sure...but the suffering will be much, much worse if our our affairs are not organized ahead of time. In removing this burden, we commit one of the greatest possible last acts of love."<br /><br />amt<br />12/13/2002
 

Scoop

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Jul 19, 2002
Messages
1,158
Re: Somethin serious to discuss with you fellas

Backwater, I am very sorry to hear about your Grandfather. You and your family are in my thoughts.<br />Thank you for passing on this advice. It is very important. I have friend who lost her husband. They had just retired and then he was gone. It took more than 2 years for her to get things in some semblance of order. Luckily she had access to their savings account, but everything else was locked behind a wall of lawyers while thing were found and straightened out. It is best to do it now while your thinking about it. I really thought about it when I was nearly killed by a semi on the road. I have them done, but need to get them notarized so there is absolutely no question of what My wife and I want.<br /><br />Backwater, Please take care of you and your family.
 

rogerwa

Commander
Joined
Nov 29, 2000
Messages
2,339
Re: Somethin serious to discuss with you fellas

I am 37 and have 4 kids and a stay at home wife. While it appears to be the prime of our lives, my wife and I realized that we could be snuffed out without so much as warning.<br /><br />As such we have a full will and testament on file prepared by a lawyer that spells out the important things like power of attorney, who raises the kids in many different scenaios, and the distribution of our assets to our kids and their guardians. Its tough stuff to think about and do, but it is your responsibility as a parent to ensure the appropriate care of your children.<br /><br />Another thing to think about is to ensure that the accounts you hold with your wife are joint. This allows him/her access in the case of an accident without the legal wrangling. It also ensures that both individuals have a credit history to use when the other is gone. I don't think that can be understated in it's importance.<br /><br />Another thing we have done is to utilize the services of a professional financial advisor to analyze the various scenarios and to ensure coverage in insurance and LTD is there. Working with a FA will also be a point of contact to understand where the assets are in the case of a tragic outcome.<br /><br />These are things that I have done.<br /><br />I am sorry to hear of your loss.
 

MJC

Cadet
Joined
Jul 31, 2002
Messages
28
Re: Somethin serious to discuss with you fellas

BackWater-<br />My condolences to you and your family over the loss of your Grandfather. From your description he was what we need more of in this country: a man who knows how to fill the role of a father and husband. Just you writing this proves that the man did a great job of passing on many good qualities through example. <br />You are right on about having your "affairs in order" and laid it out in perfect detail for someone to follow. We recently (finally) went through the process of having a will drawn and organizing all our financial information so those left behind can live their lives without adding another worry to the list. Other than writing the check to the attorney, it is a huge relief and gives us one less thing to be 'out there' nagging at us to get done. <br />My prayers are with you and your family.
 

Fishbusters

Ensign
Joined
Apr 20, 2002
Messages
921
Re: Somethin serious to discuss with you fellas

The hardest thing I ever had to do was get my parents pegged down and such on what, when, where and how of all aspects of planning for the eventual. Most of it is written and kept safely tucked away. I doubt I will ever be able to sort everything out but I know enough to do what I need to do when the time comes. BTW If you think about it me being an only child it should have been easy but try to get an older person to talk about it and agree to you knowing anything. Personally my wife and I have it all planned including who gets the kids in the event my parents are already gone. Hers have already passed and aside from her sister we would only trust my aunt/uncle or a cousin or two with the kids all have been asked and given consent.
 

RICKRICK1

Ensign
Joined
Jun 24, 2002
Messages
926
Re: Somethin serious to discuss with you fellas

Backwater--Sorry to hear of your loss. Had the samething happen with an uncle, so my wife and I have done a lot of the things you advised. <br /><br />All take heed this is great advise. Do it now.
 
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