She won't let it die!

[deputydawg]

Ok, here is a story that my wife has to tell EVERYONE we know. I think it is time to forget it, and....well....it really isn't that funny. Read on and see what you all think.<br /><br />About 13 years ago I was in South Dakota still running the family cattle ranch. Me and my 2 hired hands had been out all day working cattle, moving them in from winter pasture. After spending all morning on horseback we came in for lunch. My wife usually came over to the main house and had lunch ready for us, but she had started working at the local country school so I was cooking for the hands. I decided to make a bathc of blueberry muffins from a mix. I mixed up the batter, opened the can of blueberries, rinsed and drained them. Then I made thge big mistake. I read the directions. <br />Long story short, why didn't they say "gently stir". Who knew that fold means the same as stir?<br />Does anyone here know how hard it is to fold a blueberry? <br />Well, wife and hired hand #2 came in at the same time to see what was taking so long. I laughed with them for a while, then I had to go get my horse and go back to work alone. It really wasn't that funny.<br />Now don't you all think it is time for her to let it rest?

 

[LadyFish]

Re: She won't let it die!

OMG, I am literally bustin out laughing here ROTFLMAO.

<br /> <br /><br />Ya'll are so damn funny. It's nice to know that this<br />stuff happens to men and not just blondes.

 

[ehenry]

Re: She won't let it die!

Mine doesn't miss a chance to remind me about running full speed into a tree one day.......I was cutting a pine tree that the beetles had gotten in to. I was in some pretty thick woods on my property and the wind was blowing in my favor as far as which direction the tree was to fall. I had cut my big wedge out of one side and started on the other side to go on and lay the tree down. While cutting and watching, the tree started slowly over in the desired direction. THEN the durn wind changed direction and now the tree is coming dead at me ! ! ! I took off running full stride angling away from the tree. I turned around while running to see if the tree was still coming my way. Bout the time I turned back around to see where I was going WHOP ! ! ! ! I center punched a pinoak tree about 12 inches in diameter. Came in the house with a bloody nose, scuffed up face, busted lips and tell her what happend......She fell out laughing, and still reminds me about it to this day. <br /><br />I'm still one up on her though....she came in the house one day with a baby snake in her hair. She swooned! ! ! Hit the floor cold as a wedge when I got it out of her hair and showed it to her.

 

[ndemge]

Re: She won't let it die!

I grew up in a country Enviroment. Raised Chickens, worked in dad's 2 acre GARDEN, not FARM, but Quasi Farm life...<br /><br />We didn't buy much pre-made food growin up, mom made everything, canned 100+ quarts of tomato juice every year etc....<br /><br />I'm at the store one day last year, see "manwitch" sloppy joe stuff. Think to myself, this would be good to have some night when we don't have time to cook and need to feed the kritter.<br /><br />So one night,both get home late, everyone tired, I pop open that can of manwich,,, and ya know what, There ain't no hamburger in there! It's just SAUCE! I thought it was a heat n eat kinda thing.<br /><br />Wife thought that was the funniest thing, "You've Never had sloppy joes before??" ..... and my reply, Yeah, but ya make em with tomatoe juice and it takes a few hours!

 

[LadyFish]

Re: She won't let it die!

EF, thats terrible, both for you and her. Lucky neither of you were seriously hurt.<br /><br /><br />OMG Noel.............

<br /><br /><br />Keep em comin, y'all are killing me.

 

[spratt]

Re: She won't let it die!

Past time...nuff said. GOt one like that...and it is the wife (again) who causes it to live on...<br /><br />Everyone west of the Mississippi (and East too, I reckon) knows how much I dislike cats. Well, the wife had been cleaning all day, and making everything look real pretty like...so I was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper and enjoying some coffee, when this almighty fat cat walked up on my patio...saw him sitting there licking itself like those rascals do, and I entered that foggy area where it is like tunnel vision, and all I could see was that critter...I grabbed the pump pellet rifle outta the corner and commenced to pumpin' like a crazy man, then I ran toward the doorway leading out to the patio, and...WHAM!!! I was stopped dead in my tracks by her newly polished sliding glass doors that now appeared to be wide open, but weren't...she just goes on and on about how my face was plastered all over that door and flattened out like...well...<br /><br />To me it just ain't funny no more. But in her memory banks, that little ol' movie plays on like the day it happened...<br /><br />and BTW, the cat? Well it just kinda got up and walked off as I was getting reoriented...by the time I got the door open, it was gone...

 

[spratt]

Re: She won't let it die!

Yep, it's funny alright, LF!!! REAL funny!! And how come it's always that a woman finds pain and suffering so funny!!!?????<br /><br />Take for example, yours truly again...sat down to dinner once, and somehow I forgot to close the cabinet door above my seat...went to get up to get something, and WHAM!!!!! the top of my head nearly split open from the impact with that @!#$ door!!! She nigh onta fell in the floor and lost her breath between big ol' guffaws and snorts and giggles!!!!!<br /><br />That' is another one that she likes to play back once in a while...

 

[LadyFish]

Re: She won't let it die!

Spratt: I dunno, but I have to leave the house <br />practically when someone walks through the glass <br />doors. I don't care if its a child or adult, I laugh<br /> so hard it brings tears to my eyes. It takes me <br />hours to recover from it, then just when I think I <br />have, I start laughing so hard again I can't breath.

 

[spratt]

Re: She won't let it die!

LF, u sure u ain't my wife's sister???

 

[b20]

Re: She won't let it die!

here one to even the score.i'm fast asleep and the next thing BANG.someone fell out the bed on the other side.yeap,the wife.she banged her head a bit on the way passed the bedside drawers.i asked how she did it and she said she went out backwards.i laughed so hard.and she's not even blonde.when was this?bout 3 nights ago.

 

[hayhauler]

Re: She won't let it die!

My first boat was a Gheenoe. It was my plan to store it upside down on two saw horses. I bought some saw horse kits at the hardware store and some lumber. Proceeded to cut four legs and two cross pieces, that's all you need for a table, right? My wife kept trying to explain to me that each saw horse required four legs. She had to draw me a picture before I agreed with her. She's never let me forget it. I still say I'm always right, it's easier to sell if she's not with me right then.

 

[Pascal]

Re: She won't let it die!

deputydawg - ya think maybe she misunderstands your signature and is just gettin carried away??<br /><br />JD

 

[deputydawg]

Re: She won't let it die!

Have to admit, folding those blueberries was one of those things that should have hurt.<br /><br />I get even though, she never puts the new roll of TP on the roller. She is a lot shorter than I. The bathroom cupboards are over my head behind the toilet. Take the new roll off of the back of the toilet and place it on top of the cabinet. <br />I get even.

 

[roscoe]

Re: She won't let it die!

She won't let it go, and now we won't either.<br />And there are 50,000 of us here.<br />Now it will get painful.

 

[deputydawg]

Re: She won't let it die!

But I can shut you all off!

 

[LadyFish]

Re: She won't let it die!

I just have to post this.<br /><br />One time after we got back from boating one of my sisters and I were sitting on the top deck having a cocktail while Mr. LF was flushing out the motor. All of a sudden we heard a BIG splash, yup it was him, leaned over to far I guess. Sis and I were laughing so hard we could hardly navigate the stairs to go down and help him out of the water.

<br /><br />Another time, our daughter was our in the driveway of my sisters house in the hill country skatboarding. The driveway had a big slope. I watched my daughter hop off it time after time when she got to the bottom of it. Well, Mr. LF decided "hey, watch this" and jumped on the moving skatboard and sprained his ankle pretty bad. We managed to get some crutches for him.<br /><br />Later that evening the guys were down stairs and my sis and I were sitting on the balcony outside her bedroom and I heard a weird animal-like sound. Like there was an injured cow or cat or something. I told my sister and she said no, I think thats the farm down below us, they have chicken and roosters. I kept hearing it and said I can't stand it. I went down by the pool and heard it again. I thought well where the heck are the guys? Just then my BIL was coming up over the hill practically carrying Mr. LF. I guess he decided it was a good idea to go down the stairs on the hillside and "water the flowers". He said he hopped down the first two just fine, then when his momentum got going he could not stop. He ended up at the bottom of the hill. I picked sticker burrs out of his butt for an hour.

<br /><br />Another time, Mr. LF was jetskiing in the ICW. My sis and I were enjoying some drinks on the boat when all of a sudden I heard this unbelieveable sound. I turned around to look down the ICW and Mr. LF had fallen off right in the middle of it and there were no less than 100 power boats coming up on him fast doing about 60 MPH. The look on his face was priceless. It was dangerous at the time, but I can laugh about it now.

 

[gaugeguy]

Re: She won't let it die!

I guess she won't let it die either, huh Mr. LF??

 

[tylerin]

Re: She won't let it die!

Notice Mrs. L/F is always perched up high somewhere having cocktails

 

[oddjob]

Re: She won't let it die!

One thing my fishing buddie always talks about is how I fell out of my john boat while fishing a canal in the everglades. It was a very unstable 14' narrow boat and buddy weighs about 240 then. So I, after a few beers, can easily lose my balance if hanging or looking over the side when he decides to stand up or move. The banks of the canal had a few gators all around. So we were fishing very close to the bank, about five feet. I was leaned over the side washing bait slime off my hands when mike decides to stand up. I was already in position to complete a forward roll into the canal, which I did. The funny thing was that my hands never left the boat and I was back in before he turned around to see what the splash was all about. Thats some black, scary water down here. I spent so little time in the water that my billfold in my chest pocket barely got wet.

 

[oddjob]

Re: She won't let it die!

That reminds me same buddie and <br />I were teeing off of a water hole (golf). I flubbed my shot in the water at the edge just left of the tee. Seeing that the ball rolled about fifty feet right to the edge of the water. I decided to (run) not walk to retrieve my ball so I could tee off again before we hold up the folks behind us. Well, when I started to bend down to the waters edge to pick it up after the trot ...A 10 foot gator blew up the water about 5-6 feet away in the water, then swam off. <br /><br />Scared me....And it happened to me again later while volunteering for the Seniors tour in 2003 at Key Biscane Cranden park, only that was a 6 foot salt water croc. Buddie saw that one too.