Prayers, help and advice

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
For the last week, I've felt so low an ant could jump over me. The love of my life feels no love for me, and it's entirely my fault. I've been telling her for the past nine years that I would quit smoking pot, and now that I have (since July 7) I can see haw much pain that i've caused her. We have two beautiful girls ages 6 and 9 and I love them dearly. We both agree that we don't want to split up and become a statistic, but how can you go on like nothing has happened? She says she needs time to get over this, and doesn't want me to leave. I'm a needy person, and she's the strong one. This is really devastating to me. I feel like I've been kicked in the groin and slapped in the face. She doesn't want to talk, and just wants to be left alone, and this is tearing me up. The screen is blurring up through tears as I write this, mostly because of the shame I feel. It's the most rocky road I've ever been on, and I need all the help I can get. We don't have the money for couseling or therapy, and that's why I'm turning to you, fellow iboaters. Please keep my family in your prayers and any advice you can give me would really help.

Your friend, Jeff
 

Firestar

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Aug 20, 2006
Messages
530
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Well it's good that you quit. She must feel something for you. She agreed that you two should stay together and not become a stat. I'd give her the time she asks for. Hang in there. I wouldn't push any issue with her. You need to hold the course.
 

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Thanks Firestar,
Just posting made me feel a lot better. I will buck up, but it's hard, man.
 

Firestar

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Aug 20, 2006
Messages
530
Re: Prayers, help and advice

I know it has to be. You two have been together a long time. It's not over. It's just a pause.
 

Firestar

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Aug 20, 2006
Messages
530
Re: Prayers, help and advice

One more thing. The two of you will be stronger after this passes.
 

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
Re: Prayers, help and advice

I'll be back on if a few as my oldest wants to play on the 'puter. You're a big help Firestar!
 

Mike722

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Nov 7, 2005
Messages
370
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Jeff

You and your family have my prayers. Do you have someone you could talk this thru with, a friend, church leader, etc? I agree with Firestar give her time, and find someone you can talk with and maybe at some future point she will be willing to go with you.
 

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Thanks, Mike
Yeah, my best buddy is coming over today, and he know's the whole deal. I'm planning on talking to my pastor to help me get through this, plus I've been talking to God a whole lot more than I ever have. Just hearing words of encouragement means a whole lot to me!
 

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Thanks Mikes for the PM's
Definitely appreciated!
 

12Footer

Fleet Admiral
Joined
Mar 25, 2001
Messages
8,217
Re: Prayers, help and advice

The only differences between us, Jeff, is that mine was in 1985, mine lasted 13years, and the triggers were different.
Otherwise, been there, done that, man. It was by far, the worse experiance in my 54year life! My heart goes out to you,as do my prayers.
What i am about to say here is the voice of said experiances;

Try to get keyed-into the fact this this very well could be the end of your marraige, but should NEVER become the end of your relationship with the mother of your children. When she told me that she "loved me, but no longer was IN love with me", you know just how i fealt, don't you, Jeff?

But time has a way of making things easier to handle...About 3 months before you can realy tell that you can survive this. And I am not making that number of days up. I addmitted myself to a mental hospital for a 3 week stay, was given the basic "tool kit" to pry myself away from her, and learned more about what made Sean tick than any other experiance in my life, including military basic training (which comes in second).

If you believe in a higher power, now is the time to ask for devine guidance, but try to avoid making "deals"
IE--- "God, if you just get me tru this, I'll go to church and pay my 'tythes' faithfully"..
But a relationship with him can't hurt.


The loneliness you will experiance at first will be overwhelming, Jeff, so suround yourself with your closest friends and family... Mine was my dog, "Hoser" and my best friend, Steve. Niether let me down, even at 3 in the morning, when the blues and tears seamed to be at their most potent strength. Without them and the early "professional help" offered by Dr.Bryant, I do not think I would have gotten thru it as quickly.
And although doesn't seam like it right now, this could be the best thing that ever hapened to you, when you come out the other side of this $4it-storm.


And finally, if you need to talk to someone who has been there, done that, feel free to call me. (email me for phone number, or to just email me). My phone is always on, always with me --- even at 3AM.
BTW, don't pay any attention to the automatic message my firewall sends you. When I see your email, what oyu put in the subject line will let me know it's you.
 

QC

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Mar 22, 2005
Messages
22,783
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Hang in there, Jeff! You're a good man. You two will come back stronger as Firestar has said.
 

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Thanks Guys,
Yes, I am a Christian, and I know that all things are possible through the love of Christ. I'm not planning on making any deals with God, just praying for stregnth. My best friend Craig has really helped a lot so far, and I'm looking forward to seeing him this afternoon. As far as my family goes, I feel like an outsider for now, but hopefully that will soon pass. The sooner the better.
12'er, thanks man!
 

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Thanks everyone,
From talking with y'all, & my buds, it's helped a bunch.

I'm statring a new woodworking project, just to get my mind off all the carp!

I'll post a few pics & update this thread a bunch 'cuz as quite a few of you and my friends sez it's gonna take some time.

I really appreciate all the support and PM's I've received so far, and I've love to hear any more advice I can get from here, but I think this new project is gonna help bunches! It'll be a rod & reel holder + pic's of my family's catches surrounding it eventually.

Please keep the prayers, advice and encouragement coming cuz I sure need all I can get! 8)
 

Plainsman

Rear Admiral
Joined
Apr 2, 2006
Messages
4,062
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Prayers to you for strength and guidance. Keep your chin up, I know you feel bad, but it will pass. In time, she will let you know when she wants to talk about things.
 

POINTER94

Vice Admiral
Joined
Oct 12, 2003
Messages
5,031
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Stay stong, and if she needs space, give it to her. Don't shortchange yourself.

You have a PM.
 

aspeck

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
May 29, 2003
Messages
18,857
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Jeff - praying for you. Talk with your pastor or other strong Christian who is close to you. Don't give up, either. Do what you know is right and don't get weary.
 

Fishin' Jeff

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 13, 2005
Messages
416
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Thanks again everyone,
It really helps to have the words of encouragement and advice that will be taken.
 

SpinnerBait_Nut

Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Aug 25, 2002
Messages
17,651
Re: Prayers, help and advice

Jeff, can only offer this little story. Please read to the end.
_________________________________________
There was a couple who used to go
England to shop in a beautiful antique
store. This trip was to celebrate their
25th wedding anniversary. They both
liked antiques and pottery, and especially
teacups.

Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked,
"May we see that? We've never seen a cup
quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, the tea cup spoke.

"You don't understand," it said, "I have not always
been a tea cup. There was a time when I was
just a lump of red clay. My master took me and
rolled me pounded and patted me over and over
and I yelled out, 'Don't do that. I don't like it! Let
me alone,' but he only smiled, and gently said,
'Not yet!'

"Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning
wheel and suddenly I was spun around and
around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy!
I'm going to be sick!', I screamed But the master
only nodded and said, quietly, 'Not yet.'

"He spun me and poked and prodded and bent
me out of shape to suit himself and then....then
he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I
yelled and knocked and pounded at the door.
'Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him
through the opening and I could read his lips
as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet.'

"When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute,
the door opened. He carefully took me out and
put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. 'Oh,
that felt so good! Ah, this is much better,' I thought.

But, after I cooled he picked me up and he
brushed and painted me all over. The fumes
were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh,
please; stop it, stop it!!' I cried. He only shook
his head and said. 'Not yet!'

"Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven.
Only it was not like the first one. This was twice
as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged.
I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced
I would never make it. I was ready to give up.

"Just then the door opened and he took me out
and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled
and waited and waited, wondering, What's he
going to do to me next? An hour later he handed
me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.' And I did.
"I said, ' That's not me; that couldn't be me.
It's beautiful I'm beautiful!'

"Quietly he spoke: 'I want you to remember, then,'
he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded
and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd
have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin
around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you
would have crumbled.

I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in
the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would
have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when
I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't
done that, you never would have hardened. You
would not have had any color in your life. If I
hadn't put you back in that second oven, you
wouldn't have survived for long because the
hardness would not have held. Now you are
a finished product. Now you are what I had in
mind when I first began with you.'"

God knows what He's doing in each of us. He is
the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us
and make us, and expose us to just enough
pressures of just the right kinds that we may
be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill
His good, pleasing and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being
pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond
endurance; when your world seems to be
spinning out of control; when you feel like you
are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems
to "stink", try this:

Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest
tea cup, sit down, and have a little talk with
the Potter.

 
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