Opinions on handling serious family illness

[Tig]

Re: Opinions on handling serious family illness

Similar situation occurred in our family last year. It involved my wife's sister, she didn't make it.
There are a lot of hard feeling amongst the children. You see one found out but was sworn to secrecy until the problem was diagnosed.
I understand all the emotions involved on all sides. I also understand the hurt that resulted on all sides. In the end I feel you have to respect the wishes of the person who is ill. I suspect that they wanted to savour the moment, not as one who is ill but as regular member of the family.
I hope you will respect him for that and enjoy his company for many more years. Christmas 09 may be a special memory for you.
In retrospect I believe that the same trick was pulled on me when my brother died 30 years ago.
It kind of leads one to the thought of treating every day as if it were your last.

 

[scoutabout]

Re: Opinions on handling serious family illness

More great replies - thanks guys! This site is so great...and for more than boating as I'm learning. Like a family unto itself.

Okay, sorry to hear the news, I am a cancer survivor....I just put blinders on and went to get "fixed" really no body else's feelings mattered, I just had to concentrate on getting better. The more people that are around the worse it is, it becomes almost a pity party...

Very good point jack. At the best of times he can be a very blinders on kind of guy and I can totally understand your focus. Glad you got through it. In fact, the fuss the family made over his bypass I mentioned a few posts back probably prompted him to do it different this time around. Then, he had siblings flying in, fuss and commotion all around. No wonder he changed his game plan.

...There are a lot of hard feeling amongst the children. You see one found out but was sworn to secrecy until the problem was diagnosed....

Yeah, we're in the middle of that too. My wife's older sister found out first and kept the secret which didn't help, but now we've got the issue of her younger sister overseas, who's about to give birth in a week. Even though we're upset about not being in the loop my wife is herself choosing what's best for her younger sister and refuses to tell her. I think that's going to come back and bite her and I told her that but she's adamant - no telling her baby sis. My word, that family has got some hard heads - and I married one of the hardest...

No easy answers...just a requirement for understanding.

 

[marlboro180]

Re: Opinions on handling serious family illness

More great replies - thanks guys! This site is so great...and for more than boating as I'm learning. Like a family unto itsel


No easy answers...just a requirement for understanding.

I agree, sometimes a great place to get a different viewpoints on things here...

I think the understanding point is well put, we all have a right to declare what we choose to for whatever reason .Not that the non-disclosure of information about health issues to loved ones is a small matter. Can be a very looming health issue to a small blip on the screen.

I personally have recently been helping out our dear friends, who happen to be elderly, through a series of health events. Patriarch of the family is in rehab facility after a 2nd back surgery, he injured it once again , helping his wife off the floor from a late night fall. (Both were in the hospital that night) They KNOW that I am only a couple minutes away, and am always willing to assist.

Instead , he chose to do it himself and blew out yet another part of his back.

But I digress. The point is that through this event, or rather series of events, I have learned many, many things that were held in confidence from one family member or another, about not just the aforementioned couple, but also of their family members in general. I feel kind of like an interloper that has been brought even closer to the center of the circle of their family, only to know that I must watch what I say to certain family members .

I have to remind myself to try to understand why things are said, how they are said, and to who.

I agree with the posts above that state that you FIL was probably preserving the spirit of the season, but wonder also that there might be an underlying reason.

Best of luck,

Marlboro