SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the <br />United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and<br />over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another<br />Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."<br /><br />He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the<br />Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."<br />Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his<br />yard - but no Ark.<br />"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"<br />"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need<br />for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the<br />neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding<br />the height limitations and had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.<br />Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.<br />Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local<br />trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the<br />environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!<br />When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.<br />They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They<br />argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and<br />inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.<br />Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd<br />conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.<br />I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights<br />Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building<br />crew.<br />Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green card status of<br />most of the people who want to work.<br />The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire<br />only Union workers with Ark building experience.<br />To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm<br />trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.<br />So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to<br />finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,<br />and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and<br />asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"<br />"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."<br /> 
