Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

[kenimpzoom]

I know there are tons of fathers out there, so I am asking for some advice.<br /><br />How did you punish you 9 yr old sons when they got a note sent home from school? He was part of 8 students that stole rubber bands off the teachers desk. He didnt initiate, but he did follow. He didnt tell me about it, I found out when the school sent a note through the mail.<br /><br />The problem is, he only loves baseball and hunting, and those things I dont want to take away from him. If I take any other thing away from him, its not like I am punishing him, he doesnt care too much about those anyway.<br /><br /><br />Thanks for ideas, Ken

 

[gaugeguy]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Does he get an allowance? If he does, march him down to the local office supply store and have him buy a box of rubber bands. Then have him give them to the teacher with an apology in front of the class.

 

[salty87]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

give him the choice between something awful and his beloved baseball or hunting...any particularly nasty jobs need to be done around the house?

 

[RubberFrog]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

No baseball and hunting for a month. maybe a little hard, but stealing is pretty serious. Nip it in the bud before it becomes a real issue.

 

[Ross J]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Helping a 9 year old to understand what responsibility is about is difficult to say the least. If he were to make amends then he'd need to show the teacher that he was insightful to the original problem. Thus any punishment would need to reflect this.<br />Have him write a letter to the teacher apologising for the problem and assuring them it won't recur. Make him write it and hand deliver it!<br />At the age of 9 this would make him accept his responsibility and the challenge to his ego would ensure he'll behave. The developmental stage of teens involves ego boundaries being set and challenged constantly and any concrete feedback from authorities is seen as an obstacle to overcome. Having him apologise may not sound big but it'll have an affect on him.<br />Ross

 

[rogerwa]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

I agree with Salty87. Also,be lenient if this is the first transgression of this kind. YOu don't want to bring the hammer down too hard if this is just a misjudge in common sense. Be firm but not merciless. If there is a pattern then the hammer needs to come down..

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Thanks guys.<br /><br />Yes, this is his first offence. He is a really good kid, but I do believe in nipping things like this in the bud. FYI, I had a few notes sent home from school, so I know all about this. <br /><br />He explained it to me that, one boy stole a large bag of rubber bands, and some spilled from the bag, and he and 7 others picked up what fell from the bag.<br /><br />I definately like the letter writing idea, plus something else, such as a nasty job. I am thinking of keeping him in the house one Saturday to write the letter, and scrub the bathtub.<br /><br />He doesnt have an allowance, but ironicly last week he asked for one (the incident happend last week, I jost got the note from school yesterday). I told him today no way he is getting an allowance with this situation.<br /><br />Thanks, Ken

 

[Terry H]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Sheesh, you're taking this way too seriously. and that's all I'm gonna say. Chief

 

[JB]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Very rarely did I decide what consequences my children would face for some bad behavior.<br /><br />I would discuss the infraction with him/her to ensure that we agreed that it was a bad thing to do.<br /><br />Then I would ask what the perpetrator thought was a suitable penalty. I was always prepared to veto a suggestion, but never had to do that; they usually "volunteered" for a harsher penalty than I would have inflicted.<br /><br />By doubling the responsibility.. .crime PLUS punishment. . . I ensured that they believed they had been fairly treated and placed importance on the wicked deed.<br /><br />I think they all grew up to be fair minded and responsible adults.

 

[jtexas]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Punishment should fit the crime. The crime being, participating in the theft of a bag of rubber bands (not just the few he picked up off the floor). Written apology, not a bad idea, but IMHO not as effective as face-to-face. Missing an organized sporting event (baseball), I think ought to be reserved for more serious offenses since it has longer term consequences (might affect his status on the team). <br /><br />Taking a couple hours off from hunting to go down & buy some office supplies for the teacher with his first week's allowance wouldn't be too bad. I presume your teachers, like ours, have to provide their own supplies?

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Hard time...Chores before baseball, lawns, windows, car wash etc. done to your satisfaction. Mine knew chores would be physical, and spare me the time. I sent them to neighbor once to shovel their drive and walk. Free. Mine was already done. Man they were fumin'.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Chief, I agree the crime wasnt too bad, what got me was that he knew a note was coming to the house, but he didnt even tell me. I have always told him it is better for him to tell me, then for me to find out about it through other means.<br /><br />And although the crime is light, I want to enforce the idea that "all the other kids did it" is not an excuse.<br /><br />We have already discussed the whole issue, just havent told him what the punishment should be.<br /><br />I like the idea of asking him what a good punishment should be. I 'll try that as well.<br /><br />The problem is that he really is a good kid, and I havent really had to punish him too much.<br /><br />Ken

 

[PW2]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

I agree completely with JB.<br /><br />Discuss the crime with him and have him suggest potential penalties. Likely they will be harsher than you would impose, but reserve the right to negotiate an appropriate penalty in case he comes up with giving up spinach or something similar.<br /><br />It needs to commensurate with the seriousness of the crime, and have the appearance of being fair and just.

 

[Terry H]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Ken, I guess I'll reply. The youngen already feels bad about the ordeal, I would smile at him and try to make him feel better. He is not gonna do it again anyhows now that he knows how you feel about this sort of activity, and reassure him that he can always come to you first with any bad news without fear. If he's growing up to be a "thug", now, that's a diferent story, but that's not the impression I get. Give him a break, and maybe reread JB's comments. Chief

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Thanks guys for all the comments.<br /><br />Ken

 

[rodbolt]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

most the reponses sound good. I made mine write,deliver and read several letters of apology, and sometimes made them stay after school to assist the teacher. 20 years ago I had all the advice you could stand, now that I am old and all the kids have left my house I find that not only do I not have all the answers sometimes I forget the question. sounds to me like your on the right track though. good luck and keep plugging.

 

[Serentiy]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

I like the ideal of giving him a chores and pay him for them. then explane tat teachers make only so much money and they spend their own to buy supplies for their class room. Then take him shopping making suer you gio by the toy or sporting good dep. talk about how he would like to buy such and such but he needs to buy supplies for the class and make him buy rubberbands or something for the teacher.

 

[Homerr]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

We nipped this problem in the bud when it happened...<br /><br />We had some law enforcement friends who took them down to the local gray-bar hotel and showed them what stealing could get you into.<br /><br />Needless to say... The kids never stole again.<br /><br />Too harsh? Nope. Not at all. Immediate reprimand.<br />Hit it hard and fast.<br /><br />Kids are a lot smarter these days than you think.<br />I don't hold back and tell them like it is. You steal? You go to jail.<br /><br />Be honest and tell them they are responsible for their actions... Nobody else. <br />I'm by no means saying your boy is going to be a career thief, but make sure he understands he is responsible. You can agree that a lot of today's kids take absolutely no responsibility for their own actions.<br /><br />Having them pay for the damages is also a good idea. Make them work for it, or give something up to pay for it etc...<br /><br /><br />H.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Well the story kinda changed. I was gonna be pretty light on him, but then I caught him in a lie. He knows lying will not be tolerated. I almost cancelled the turkey hunt, but since grandad invited us, I let him go. He got his first Tom via 20 gauge shotgun at 50+ yards.<br /><br />Well, he got to clean the bathroom today and did a great job. I also had him write a letter to the teacher.<br /><br />He felt really bad about it, and he knows he made a bad decision. Like I said , the biggest problem was he lied about it.<br /><br />Thanks for all the input.<br /><br />Ken

 

[Boomyal]

Re: Need tips on punishing a 9 yr old

Sounds like you made the right choices KIZ. You can't let these 'little issues' slide. Definitely sends the wrong message to the soon to be not so little ones.