My wife made an observation...

[JasonJ]

My wife informed me of something I never realized, and it was kind of alarming. I talk to her about everything, and the goings-on on this forum is one of the things I tell her about. It used to be I would tell her about someones boat, things like that. Now, I end up telling her about the subject matter that has caused so much agruments and tension on this forum. My wife and I went through a rough bout of arguing this week, and we couldn't figure out why. It was always about some stupid junk that would get blown out of proportion. <br /><br />Well, yesterday I was telling her about stuff on this forum again and she stopped me and told me that when I have talked about this forum lately I have been getting louder, my shoulders have been squaring back, my entire demeanor changes to an aggressive state. We realized that after I spend time here, I am ramped up, and then her and I end up arguing because I still have that energy to expend.<br /><br />What this had made me realize is that if this is affecting me in this way, and actually causing turmoil in my household, then I need to not participate in any part that causes me tension. I am not going to quit Iboats, but I have decided that I must, for my own sake as well as my relationship, not participate in any of the political/religion/moral discussions. It took this week of personal hell to find out just how much a negative impact this has had on me.<br /><br />I am not blaming the forum or its members, I am blaming how I react and deal with things that happen here, so I am just going to stick with the aspects that don't cause me grief.

 

[neumanns]

Re: My wife made an observation...

It don't take long to figure out witch posts are worth reading by the title,...Your not the only one doing this.<br /><br />These post's are not as well read as one might suspect, It is the same 30 or so people who rehash the same stuff over and over again. Not only does it get your ire up but the arguments get old also.<br /><br />If enoufgh people ignore it DC will be back to it's old self in no time.

 

[ZooMbr]

Re: My wife made an observation...

JasonJ; <br /><br />First let me thank you for your project, Skanky. It helped me do a very extensive repair on a boat my nephew and I purchased. And, searching for information lead me to iboats - and Skanky. By the way how did you choose that name? My SIL wants a dog, daughter says no until they move, He wants to name it Skanky! First time I had heard the name, your second.<br /><br />Now the subject; I spend a lot of time on here reading. Some subjects get my hackles up too; but, life has taught me that replying to those who express their points wrapped in lots of emotion and "red flag" terms (like waving a red flag in front of a bull) will never change their opinions by reading a post. Change requires reflection, as you have done, and not enough do it.<br /><br />I find many on iboats to have sharp mind and wit and loads of experience and would like to meet some if the chance came up. There are those who seem to thrive on stirring the pot -- for no other reason and to cause contention; it seems to me. No other emotion is more damaging than contention. If it could be removed from all posts we would all be better off.<br /><br />Could I say in reading your posts lately I've noticed an 'out of character' tone. BUT, some seem to post just to wave red flags. AND, like you my wife has noticed a change in the topics I discuss from the forum. <br /><br />So, I've become very selective in reading posts -- some members I've ceased to read. I still spend lots of time on iboats, most on the repair forums -- like to learn and I learn lots there even if I don't have the same boat/motor etc.<br /><br />Do stick around -- I've always enjoyed your posts (some exceptions lately; but, it sounds like you recognize they are hitting your hot buttons. Just ignore them -- you can't change them -- they someday may change themselves. Some day I may post a entry on apologetic theory and it's application to discussion on topics like politics, religion, etc.<br /><br />Just consider the job the Mods have trying to balance and open forum with the contention some express.

 

[Boomyal]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Originally posted by JasonJ:<br />......I am blaming how I react and deal with things that happen here, so I am just going to stick with the aspects that don't cause me grief.

You thinned skinned moderates just need to toughen up!

 

[KaGee]

Re: My wife made an observation...

A wise man once told me... if something gets your goat... it's because there's a goat to get.<br /><br />Your anger is the issue... forum or not.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Jason, I know what your talking about. When the few of us Cellar Dwellers got together we too talked about how the forum has changed. You got to admit that lots of members come and go and some of us just get addicted to it.<br /><br />Yes the topics do get hashed over and over again, but that is what you get when newbie members come aboard. If someone is out of line, I will mention it or pass it onto the mods. Not ever have I called anyone a name or put them down for their thoughts.<br /><br />Since this forum opened there has been a lot of history put behind us just in these past 4 going on 5 years. It is a great place for help and support. I also have had problems both boat and persnonal that have helped re-enforce my efforts in being a better person. I also know that some things that get said can offend or hurt ones feelings. Don't let this get to you, it is just a place to BS and have fun. I only take things serious if it is about meeting someone and swapping fish/boating stories.<br /><br />Hang in there friend, there maybe a meeting close to you someday. BTW,,,please keep on posting, you been around too long to let some of the same ole same ole raise the blood pressure. I know it is easy to do if you let it happen.<br /><br />BTW, Keep your wife, she seems to be a smart lady for that observation....

 

[demsvmejm]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Originally posted by neumanns:<br /> It don't take long to figure out witch posts are worth reading by the title,...Your not the only one doing this.<br /><br />These post's are not as well read as one might suspect, It is the same 30 or so people who rehash the same stuff over and over again. Not only does it get your ire up but the arguments get old also.<br /><br />If enoufgh people ignore it DC will be back to it's old self in no time.

How insightful you and JasonJ have been. I fear I am one of "the same 30 or so" to whom you refer, but if we could all take to heart your last paragraph, maybe JasonJ, and all of us for that matter, could come back and be contributors, not detractors.<br /><br />Thank you two for opening my eyes.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: My wife made an observation...

You gotta remember, the things we argue about here are nothing compared to what others have to worry about.<br /><br />Ken

 

[treedancer]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Hey Jason stick around. This place will not be the same without you besides if you play this right you can talk the wife into letting you start another project boat. <br />Don

 

[JB]

Re: My wife made an observation...

HEY!! This thread makes me angry!!<br /><br />Not. <br /><br />I find that it is the reading of controversial stuff that gets my BP up. Then I either don't reply at all, or I try to think of a calm, reasonable response. <br /><br />If I post an angry response I stay angry for hours. If I can come up with a calm, reasonable response the anger goes away.<br /><br />Try it, you'll like it.

 

[steamboatwilly]

Re: My wife made an observation...

I am a newbee.I have belonged to this board for a couple months.I read every word, every night.I agree with some,some I dont.Theres a lot of intelligent people here.You must forgive me,I dont talk much but I listen a lot.

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Well Jason, if you let this forum get to you and you have a change of atitude with your wife or who ever then the job that you are seeking is going to over whelm you!!!! And the job that you are seeking is not for you!!!<br /><br />This forum is a past time event!!!! only believe 50% if that much of what you hear here!!!<br /><br />Now if you are into boat repair and boat engines,fiberglasing etc; then that is serious stuff and you can get great help here for that!!!

 

[dakk1]

Re: My wife made an observation...

I read all the controversial posts after Katrina. I haven't read any lately. I'm bored with it. It's all been said. Somebody post a UFO sighting or something. <br /><br />Dave..

 

[rolmops]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Come on Jason,take it easy.Don't write for a while and just enjoy all of us while we are playing our chatroom roles.You see, this chatroom is not reality.The characters you meet here are often created by their authors as a way to describe the way they react to the world.In everyday life everybody has to do a lot of compromising.Not so here.This is fairytale land.

 

[Frankhanhart]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Ah, I see a lot of comments reflecting my own feelings. If it gets to you , skip it! I do that lately and not only because my bloodpressure is an issue now. What gets me now is whether I'm going to take my bike to work or go by bus. It's raining and I have 15km to go. Doctors orders are " the bike". My behind's still protesting loudly. Someone said it " by the title you usually can see whether you're in the mood for the subject or not" or words to that effect. Stay with us Jason!!

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: My wife made an observation...

With you all the way on this folks. I joined iboats originally to learn about engine problems and then only recently started coming down into this area. WOW! It didn't take me long to realise that there are some topics that I definitely wouldn't get involved in and others that I'd happily contribute to.<br /><br />Some of the topics and the way they are discussed on here have me wondering; "What would happen if these people actually met up and started talking to each other like that?" then I remembered it is Dockside Chat and I guessed a lot of them would probably end up getting very wet <br /><br />Like others have said; it's fairly easy to identify the rants and the "red flag" topics and steer clear.<br /><br />The final thing I would say is some advice I was given many moons ago; "It's not the situation that is causing the stress, it's because you CHOOSE to let it stress you. You can CHOOSE to let it not stress you".<br />Easier said than done and it does take practice but as an example: if some idiot cuts me up on the road I CHOOSE not to be stressed by it. I don't shake my fists, sound the horn or shout and bawl. I CHOOSE just to ignore him/her and carry on my journey breathing normally<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />Until the next stop light when I drag the plonker out of the car and beat the living daylights out of them <br /><br />Ahhhh, I feel better already

 

[rudeafrican]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Come on Jason,take it easy.Don't write for a while and just enjoy all of us while we are playing our chatroom roles.You see, this chatroom is not reality.The characters you meet here are often created by their authors as a way to describe the way they react to the world.In everyday life everybody has to do a lot of compromising.Not so here.This is fairytale land.<br /><br />

Now those are true and wise words Rollmops. Must have a beer with you when I finally get over there.

 

[Booner]

Re: My wife made an observation...

JasonJ<br />You should not take what is said here personally. It’s only someone’s opinion. <br />When values collide people divide. <br />Just remember old soldier to Take a knee, drink water and then move out smartly. HOOOA!

 

[crab bait]

Re: My wife made an observation...

touch your thumbs & forefingers together .. sit crosslegged an say "ahmmmmmmmmmm"..

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: My wife made an observation...

Relax! Close your eyes! Take a deep,deep breath! Hands down to your side! Palms out! And now release that deep breath!<br /><br /><br />That should make you feel feel better!!!!