Kenneth Brown
Captain
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2003
- Messages
- 3,481
As all you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. <br />Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our <br />mission in Iraq is complete. <br /> <br /> This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American <br />forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. <br /> <br /> It is now time to begin the reckoning. <br /> <br /> Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of <br />countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list <br />is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are <br />some of the countries listed there. <br /> <br /> The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the <br />world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing <br />copies of both lists later this evening. <br /> <br /> Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to <br />those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money <br />saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the <br />Iraqi war. <br /> <br /> The American people are no longer going to pour money into third <br />world hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. <br /> <br /> Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. <br /> <br /> In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this <br />money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. <br /> <br /> On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and <br />we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face <br />of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or <br />maybe China. <br /> <br /> To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace <br />deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to <br />Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, <br />too. <br /> <br /> I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with <br />France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are <br />retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis. <br /> <br /> I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the <br />many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid <br />tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and <br />crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your <br />tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be <br />turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York. <br /> <br /> A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are <br />going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try <br />not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox <br />and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I <br />have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where <br />I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your <br />oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -- <br />starting now. <br /> <br /> It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own <br />citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. <br /> <br /> I answer them by saying 'darn tootin.' Nearly a century of trying to <br />help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the <br />undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. <br /> <br /> It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate <br />homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from <br />America. <br /> <br /> To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you. <br />To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. <br /> God bless America. <br />Thank you and good night. <br /><br /> Note to all Canadians: This is a c&p. I do not have the same veiews regarding your country as the authors. No offense is meant to you by this by me. Please accept my apoligies. Mexico- Ya, I agree one hundred percent.