Re: Joke of the day
One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.<br />I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."<br />The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."<br />---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his<br />horse had been stolen.<br />He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.<br />"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.<br />No one answered.<br />"ALL RIGHT I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!"<br />Some of the locals shifted restlessly.<br />He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town.<br />The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go... what did happen in Texas?"<br />The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home."<br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.<br />Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova' here a minute."<br />The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?"<br />Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic.<br />"Try doing it with the engine running."<br />----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.<br />Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."<br />Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."<br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.<br />"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.<br />Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, "So why do you have so much hair?"<br />--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away, Little Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to suppertime. Go outside and play."<br />Little Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."<br />Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"<br />"I wanna play 'Mommie and Daddy,'" Little Johnny whines in reply.<br />Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"<br />Little Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you're taking a nap."<br />Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs.<br />Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He puts on his father's old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.<br />His mother raises her head and asks, "What do I do now?"<br />In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says, "Get downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"
