SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
For all you Northerners that plan on going South anytime soon, here are a few things I wrote down for ya to print out and save.<br />It might save ya from an embarrassing moment.<br /><br /> 1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more<br /> work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.<br /><br /> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you<br />drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive<br />it or get it out of the way.<br /><br /> 3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color<br />don't wash your car for a couple weeks - it'll be permanent.<br /><br /> 4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven<br />years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.<br /><br /> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to<br />us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for<br />those little 13-inch trout you fish for - bait.<br /><br /> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.<br /><br /> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making<br />their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure<br />it's not up to your ear at the time.<br /><br /> 8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.<br />Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the<br />two pounds of ham and turkey.<br /><br /> 9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice<br />and is sweet. You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it<br />unsweetened - add a lot of water.<br /><br />10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet,<br />and served over ice.<br /><br />11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real<br />impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we<br />only use two weeks a year.<br /><br />12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop<br />when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.<br /><br />13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before<br />we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays<br />and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday<br />nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes,<br />ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town<br />to see friends and neighbors.<br /><br />14. We don't do "hurry up" well.<br /><br />15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them.<br />You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.<br /><br />16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really<br />want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.<br /><br />17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.<br />Don't like it? Interstate 85 goes two ways - Interstate 40<br />goes the other two. Pick one.<br /><br />18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some<br />pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them,<br />then you want cream of wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.<br /><br />19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove<br />season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane<br />syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.<br /><br />20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called<br />being friendly. Understand the concept?<br /><br />21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards.<br />It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -and if you hit it in the<br />rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not<br />baseball players.<br /><br />22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving<br />like an idiot - his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.<br /><br />23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You<br />park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.<br /><br />24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No<br />questions.<br />The liberal contingent of our state legislature - all four of them<br />enacted<br />a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the<br />flag<br />burner.<br /><br />Have a nice day now ya hear? 
