SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Being A Mother"<br /><br /> <br />We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually<br />mentions that she and her husband are thinking of<br />"starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says,<br />half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"<br />"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my<br />tone neutral.<br />"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends,<br />no more spontaneous vacations.."<br /> <br />But that is not what I meant at all.<br />I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her-I<br />want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth<br />classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of<br />child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will<br />leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will<br />forever be vulnerable.<br /> <br />I consider warning her that she will never again read a<br />newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?"<br />That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.<br />That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will<br />wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child<br />die.<br /> <br />I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit<br />and think that no matter how sophisticated she is,<br />becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level<br />of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!"<br />will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal<br />without a moment's hesitation.<br /> <br />I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she<br />has invested in her career, she will be professionally<br />derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare,<br />but one day she will be going into an important business<br />meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.<br />She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to<br />keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all<br />right.<br /> <br />I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no<br />longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to<br />go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's<br />will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the<br />midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues<br />of independence and gender identity will be weighed<br />against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking<br />in that restroom.<br /> <br />However decisive she may be at the office, she will<br />second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my<br />attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually<br />she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never<br />feel the same about herself. That her life, now so<br />important, will be of less value to her once she has a<br />child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her<br />offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years,<br />not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child<br />accomplish theirs.<br /> <br />I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch<br />marks will become badges of honor.<br /> <br />My daughter's relationship with her husband will change,<br />but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could<br />understand how much more you can love a man who is<br />careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to<br />play with his child. I think she should know that she<br />will fall in love with him again for reasons she would<br />now find very unromantic.<br /> <br />I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel<br />with women throughout history who have tried to stop<br />war and prejudice. I hope she will understand why I<br />can think rationally about most issues, but become<br />temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of<br />nuclear war to my children's future. I want to<br />describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing<br />your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture<br />for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching<br />the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I<br />want her to taste the joy that is so real, it<br />actually hurts.<br /> <br />My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that<br />tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it,"<br />I finally say and then I reach across the table, squeeze<br />my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her,<br />and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who<br />stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.<br />This blessed gift . . ..that of being a Mother.<br />____________________________________________<br />Happy Mother's Day
