cbnoodles
Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2004
- Messages
- 564
DEMOCRAT<br />You have two cows.<br />Your neighbor has none.<br />You feel guilty for being successful.<br />Barbra Streisand sings for you.<br /><br />REPUBLICAN<br />You have two cows.<br />Your neighbor has none.<br />So?<br /><br />SOCIALIST<br />You have two cows.<br />The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.<br />You form a cooperative and tell him how to manage his cow.<br /><br />COMMUNIST<br />You have two cows.<br />The government seizes both and provides you with milk.<br />You wait in line for hours to get it.<br />It is expensive and sour.<br /><br />CAPITALISM AMERICAN STYLE<br />You have two cows.<br />You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.<br /><br />DEMOCRACY AMERICAN STYLE<br />You have two cows.<br />The government taxes to the point where you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who only has one cow.<br />Of course, that cow was a gift from your government.<br /><br />BUREAUCRACY AMERICAN STYLE<br />You have two cows.<br />The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.<br /><br />AMERICAN CORPORATION<br />You have two cows.<br />You pretend to sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the other.<br />You force the cows to produce the milk of four instead of two.<br />You are surprised when one of the cows drops dead.<br />You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.<br />Your stock goes up.<br /><br />FRENCH CORPORATION<br />You have two cows.<br />You go on strike because you want three cows.<br />You go to lunch and drink wine.<br />Life is good.<br /><br />JAPANESE CORPORATION<br />You have two cows.<br />You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.<br />They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.<br />Most are at the top of their class at cow school.<br /><br />GERMAN CORPORATION<br />You have two cows.<br />You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.<br />Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.<br /><br />ITALIAN CORPORATION<br />You have two cows but you dont know where they are.<br />While ambling around you see a beautiful woman.<br />You break for lunch.<br />Life is good.<br /><br />RUSSIAN CORPORATION<br />You have two cows.<br />You have some vodka.<br />You count them and learn you have five cows.<br />You have some more vodka.<br />You count them again and discover you have 42 cows.<br />The mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.<br /><br />TALIBAN CORPORATION<br />You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.<br />You dont milk them because you cannot touch any creatures private parts.<br />You kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in a veterinary hospital.<br /><br />IRAQI CORPORATION<br />You have two cows.<br />They go into hiding.<br />They send radio tapes of their moos.<br /><br />POLISH CORPORATION<br />You have two bulls.<br />Employees are regularly maimed and killed trying to milk them.<br /><br />FLORIDA CORPORATION<br />You have a black cow and a brown cow.<br />Everyone votes to determine the best looking cow.<br />Some of the people who like the black cow best vote for the brown one.<br />Some people vote for both.<br />Some people cant figure out how to vote at all.<br />Finally, a bunch of people from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.<br /><br />NEW YORK CORPORATION<br />You have fifteen million cows.<br />You have to choose which will be the leader of the herd.<br />You pick some fat cow from Arkansas.<br /><br />CALIFORNIA CORPORATION<br />You have millions of cows.<br />Most are illegal.<br />The governor likes the cows with big udders.
