Bummer

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

As most of the members know, my brother died in the 2001 World Trade Center attacks.
Ever year since then, including 2001, I have flown my sister-in-law back home here for
the holidays.
Well, this evening via phone call, my mom says she don't want her to come this year,
that it is time for her to move on with her life.
Let me say that this young lady was a gift from someone much higher than we are
to my brother John. They were madly in love with each other and I thought a great
deal of her.
She has no family in this Country, just us, well me now I guess and this was going
to be her last visit since she was going back home the first of the year.
She is from a small town, Pasig, outside Manila and I guess she has figured she
needs to get back to her family. That made it more of a reason to fly her in again
so I gcould say good-bye to her. Now this with Mom. It's a bummer for sure.
I am still bringing her down, guess she will just have to sit around my house till
I get done at mom's. Sure wish mom would change her mind cause Phesha sure
cares a lot for her. Oh well, I'm done venting now.

 

[wildmaninal]

Re: Bummer

Sorry to hear that SBN.

 

[JRJ]

Re: Bummer

Well, your Mom has made it pretty clear she never really accepted her daughter-in-law. Wonder how she would treat your wife if you died? What about the grand-kids? Sorry for your widowed sister-in-law. Have a nice time.

 

[IOSLVR]

Re: Bummer

Good luck with that SBN.

 

[achris]

Re: Bummer

That's real sad SBN. I am so fortunately that my mother and my Russian wife get on really well. Some people have trouble accepting in-laws who aren't 'home grown' and that's a shame. To think that Phesha gave up everything she knew to be happy with your brother and to make him happy and she's still not 'family' isn't nice.

I hope you're able to work it out somehow. Having worked in the Philippines on and off over the last 10 years I know she'll not be going back to a better place.

Best regards,

Chris..............

 

[JB]

Re: Bummer

I guess we all, sooner or later, have a family issue when we either give in to some family member's wishes or do what we think is right. Sounds like you are up against one of those, Lester.

I did what I thought was right and have not regretted it. I hope you do what you think is right. It turns out that my family respects my decision and I think your Mom will respect yours.

Your brother surely blesses you for your honoring his choices in life.

 

[i386]

Re: Bummer

It's not for your Mother (or anyone else) to decide when it's time to move on. It is however your decision whether or not to continue your tradition. Do what you think is right and hopefully your Mother will respect your decision either way.

I admire you for doing what you do. I know it's expensive and yet you've chosen to do it for all these years because you felt it was the right thing to do.

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Bummer

Lester....I am at a loss for words. I know your brother would understand your feelings and your Mom's too.... I hope it works out soon.

 

[Fish n Geer]

Re: Bummer

Thats a tuff one bud.Hope it all works out for ya.

 

[Gary H NC]

Re: Bummer

Sorry to hear that Spinner.That really puts you in a tough position.Stick with your gut feeling and do what you think is right.Good luck....
Thats what we are here for...VENT AWAY!!

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Bummer

very nicely explain to Mom this is the last time she will probably ever see her. i applaude you for caring.

 

[MikDee]

Re: Bummer

very nicely explain to Mom this is the last time she will probably ever see her. i applaude you for caring.

Sorry to hear, I'm with TD on this one,,, If mom don't change her mind after that, there's nothing you can do. Did she already know that your sister in law was leaving to go back home permanently? If so, maybe it's just a defense mechanism for your mom who doesn't want to be hurt by seeing her one last time, this may be her only way of dealing with the combined loss of her son, and then his wife. She just maybe uncomfortable seeing her, due to the hurt.

By the way, I'm also Sorry to hear about your brother, I worked at the Trade Center when they were under construction. I'm a retired Steamfitter, HVAC pipefitter/welder, and my job at the time was to install the copper piping, & baseboard radiation from the riser piping connection, column, to column, on the outer perimeter (by the windows) of each floor. The way those towers were made I didn't think anything would bring them down, there were 3 cellars that I know of, with massive steel columns everywhere!, and you could feel them sway up to about 18" on the upper floors, like being on a boat, but they always felt good, & solid. I also lost a friend, a brother member, who was working as a Fireman at the time.

 

[QC]

Re: Bummer

Bummer Les. Sure seems like Mom could back down considering that Phesha is leaving . . . What a drag. Hang in there man!!

 

[Bass Man Bruce]

Re: Bummer

Your heart is in the right place, good luck as this must be tough.

 

[Nandy]

Re: Bummer

I think you are doing the right thing... God bless.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

Just got off the phone from mom and tried explaining to her that this would be her(Phesha's) last visit as she was going home at the first of the year and that did not seen to have much effect at all.
Yea, I'm still bringing her down cause I don't want to say good bye over the phone.
My kids think of her as another sister to them.
It is hard on them also.
Not a very happy holiday time for me this year I guess.
Thanks all for listening to me.

 

[JRJ]

Re: Bummer

Sorry to hear that. I thought your Mom would come-around.

 

[Mark42]

Re: Bummer

SBN, are you married?

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Bummer

sucks, no matter how you look at it.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

SBN, are you married?

Yes Mark, I am. 36 years in Feb. Why you ask?
And yes, I am getting her here again this year as I had planned.
I told mom as such and she took it pretty good.
My mom is 74 and still drives herself where ever she wants and I think maybe she is just so independent that it is blinding her to what this means to Phesha and to us, my family.
If stuff don't change, this will be the last time we see her.
I can understand her wanting to go "home" though.
Oh well, I will make the best of it.