Re: Blonde T.G.I.F.
How did the blond explain how his helicopter crashed?<br />He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.<br /><br />Why did the blond quit his job as a restroom attendant?<br />He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.<br /><br />What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?<br />Double-dumb.<br /><br />How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?<br />The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.<br /><br />Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is<br /> sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?<br />The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!<br /><br />What's the advantage of being married to a blond?<br />You can park in handicapped zones.<br /><br />What happened to the blonde tap dancer?<br />She slipped off and fell down the drain.<br /><br />How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?<br />It is the one with the kickstand.<br /><br />What do you call an all-blond skydiving team?<br />A new version of the Lawn Darts game.<br /><br />Where do you look for blonds' obituaries?<br />Under "Home Improvements."<br /><br />Why did the blond take his new scarf back to the store?<br />It was too tight.<br /><br />Why did it take the blond a whole week to wash three basement windows?<br />It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond who gave his cat a bath?<br />He still hasn't gotten all the hair off his tongue.<br /><br />How does a psychic refer to a blonde?<br />Light reading.<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond who thought he discovered that<br /> he had a twin brother?<br />He didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.<br /><br />There were two blondes walking down the street and they spotted a compact.<br />They rushed over to see who it belonged to so they could return it. The<br />first one opens it and says, "This person looks familiar" The second one<br />says, "Let me see." She looks at her friend and says, "Silly, that's me!"<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond who never learned to waterski?<br />He couldn't find a lake with a slope.<br /><br />What do you call a blond in a leather jacket?<br />A rebel without a clue!<br /><br />Why did the blond only smell good on the right side?<br />He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!<br /><br />Why couldn't the blond bob for apples?<br />His sister was using the toilet.<br /><br />A blond is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his<br /> window seat?<br />Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.<br /><br />How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?<br />Tell him a joke on Wednesday.<br /><br />Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?<br />Donna: I dunno. How?<br />Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row.<br />Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?<br /><br />Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?<br />The noise gave her a headache.<br /><br />Why don't blonds have elevator jobs?<br />They don't know the route.<br /><br />What did the blond do when he noticed that someone had already<br /> written on the overhead transparency?<br />He turned it over and used the other side.<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?<br />It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.<br /><br />Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000<br /> leagues under the sea?<br />She said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there<br /> were so many teams.<br /><br />Why did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?<br />He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.<br /><br />How many blonds does it take to make a circuit?<br />Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass him the<br /> blow dryer!<br /><br />Why do blondes have more fun?<br />They are easier to keep amused.<br /><br />What does a postcard from a blond's vacation say?<br />Having a wonderful time. Where am I?<br /><br />Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes?<br />Toes go in first.<br /><br />Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?<br />They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.<br /><br />Why did the blond scale the chain-link fence?<br />To see what was on the other side.<br /><br />Why did the blond tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?<br />So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.<br /><br />How does a blond hemophiliac treat himself?<br />Acupuncture.<br /><br />Why did the blond get so excited after he finished the jigsaw<br /> puzzle in only six months?<br />Because on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond who shot an arrow into the air?<br />He missed.<br /><br />What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?<br />The tree knows when it's being cut down.<br /><br />Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?<br />So men will understand them.<br /><br />What did the blonde do with her arsehole in the morning?<br />Packed his lunch and sent him to work.<br /><br />How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?<br />She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering<br /> what she did with her pencil.<br /><br />Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the<br /> Olympics?<br />She had it bronzed.<br /><br />What's a blonde's favorite color?<br />A light shade of clear.<br /><br />What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?<br />They both get easier to pick-up with age.<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond prisoner who was found in his cell<br /> with half a dozen bumps on his head?<br />He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.<br /><br />Hear about the blond explorer?<br />He bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.<br /><br />How did the blond moonwalk?<br />He got naked from the waist down and slid his butt along the floor.<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond who thought nitrates were cheaper than<br /> day rates?<br /><br />A blond lived on a farm. He didn't get many visitors, so I went to<br />see him...when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in<br />the middle of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he<br />was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he<br />was trying to win a Noble Peace prize. I said, "Well, that's great, but<br />what are you doing in the paddock?" He replied, "I was reading the<br />newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace prize<br />was to be outstanding in your field."<br /><br />Did you hear about the blond who was arrested for shoplifting<br />shoes from K-Mart? They caught him just as he was hopping out<br />the front door.<br />(U.S. K-Mart marketing note: pairs of shoes are typically sold<br />connected together by a short string.)<br /><br />Did you hear about the blonde who was shopping in Macy's when the<br /> power went out? She was trapped for three hours on an escalator.<br />Hear about her?! That was my wife. Incidently, she brought the<br /> escalator home with her. (She'll buy anything marked down!)<br /><br />A blonde goes to get her hair cut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30<br />minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" The<br />blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on<br />the back?"<br /><br />Blonde: I was born in the U.S.<br />Friend: Oh really, what part?<br />Blonde: All of me, silly.<br /><br />A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting<br /> in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor.<br />During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor<br /> asked her to tell about herself.<br />She began, "I think you are the best teacher I've ever had."<br />The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.<br />After the brunette left in a snit, a blond sat in the chair. The<br /> professor asked him to tell something of his life.<br />He began, "I think -"<br />The next thing he knew, he was sitting in the floor.<br /><br />What do a group of blonds have in common?<br />Nothing they can think of.<br /><br />A blonde's house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the<br />country. From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic.<br />The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get<br />to her house. The blonde replies, "Duh, in your big red fire truck."
