At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

spratt

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut up! What's the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!'<br /><br />According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that Botox — his back was killing him from all that flip-flopping on issues.
 

spratt

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

Republicans cheer bipartisan critique of Kerry <br /><br />By Chris Casteel<br />The Oklahoman<br /><br /><br />NEW YORK -- A Democratic senator delivered a scathing attack on his own party's presidential nominee on Wednesday, telling Republicans gathered here for their national convention that Sen. John Kerry had been "more wrong, more weak and more wobbly than any other national figure" on national security issues. <br /><br /><br />"George Bush wants to grab terrorists by the throat and not let go to get a better grip," said Sen. Zell Miller, of Georgia. "From John Kerry, they get a yes-no-maybe bowl of mush that can only encourage our enemies and confuse our friends." <br /><br />Vice President **** Cheney told the cheering delegates at Madison Square Garden that "time and again Senator Kerry has made the wrong call on national security" making for a bipartisan tag-team critique of Kerry's ability to be commander in chief. <br /><br />Cheney's speech, though critical of Kerry and mildly sarcastic, was tame compared to Miller's crowd-pleasing defense of American troops and President Bush's foreign policy and his withering put-downs of Kerry. After listing several weapons systems and accusing Kerry of opposing them, Miller said, "This is the man who wants to be the commander in chief of our U.S. armed forces? U.S. forces armed with what? Spitballs?" <br /><br />Miller, 72, is a former Georgia governor and lifelong Democrat who is retiring from the Senate after this year. In 1992, at the Democratic National Convention, which was also held here, Miller spoke in support of Bill Clinton. His disenchantment with his party was detailed in his recent book, "A National Party No More: The Conscience of a Conservative Democrat." <br /><br />Miller's and Cheney's rhetorical bombs came on the third day of the GOP gathering in Madison Square Garden; the convention will conclude tonight after Bush accepts the party's nomination for a second term and speaks about his first term and his plans for another. <br /><br />Bush arrived in New York on Wednesday and met with a group of firefighters who had endorsed his re-election. <br /><br />Cheney and Miller ridiculed Kerry's calls to work closer with the nation's allies to fight terrorism. <br /><br />"Senator Kerry denounces American action when other countries don't approve as if the whole object of our foreign policy were to please a few persistent critics," Cheney said. "As the president has made very clear, there is a difference between leading a coalition of many and submitting to the objections of a few. George W. Bush will never seek a permission slip to defend the American people." <br /><br />Just minutes into Cheney's speech, a protester was wrestled down by security agents in the media section; Cheney paused while the protester was removed and delegates chanted "Four More Years." <br /><br />In his speech, delivered in a city that has attracted tens of thousands of protesters in the past week, Miller said American soldiers, not agitators, had made protests possible. And he said it angered him to hear American troops referred to as occupiers rather than liberators. <br /><br />"It is the soldier who salutes the flag, serves beneath the flag, whose coffin is draped by the flag who gives that protester the freedom he abuses to burn that flag," Miller said. "No one should dare to even think about being the commander in chief of this country if he doesn't believe with all his heart that our soldiers are liberators abroad and defenders of freedom at home." <br /><br />Though Cheney made brief mentions of other issues like tort reform, education reform, tax cuts and health care, his speech was focused primarily on national security issues. He said Bush was the right man to occupy the White House at a defining moment in the nation's history. "We remember the president who came to New York City and pledged that the terrorists would soon hear from all of us," he said. <br /><br />"George W. Bush saw this country through grief and tragedy. He has acted with patience and calm and a moral seriousness that calls evil by its name. In the great divide of our time, he has put this nation where America always belongs -- against the tyrants of this world and on the side of every soul on earth who yearns to live in freedom." <br /><br />Jeff Cloud, state Corporation Commissioner, who watched the speech inside the Garden, said Miller delivered a "fire and brimstone on national security." <br /><br />"It was a historic address, especially as a keynote speech at this convention," Cloud said. <br /><br />Tom Dudley, a delegate from Edmond, said Cheney "gave a serious no-nonsense speech. It was also a message of hope and opportunity for the future." <br /><br />Delegate Nat Harding, of Norman, said of Cheney, "While, he's not as charismatic as Miller, he had a calming way of explaining things well to people." <br /><br />Delegate Rodd Moesel of Oklahoma City, said Miller's comments touched the Republican base and Democrats who support Bush. <br /><br />"Zell Miller gave an exceptionally remarkable speech," he said. <br /><br />Contributing: Carmel Perez Snyder and the Associated Press.
 

BLU LUNCH

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

The first fixin post hit the nail on the head....
 

fixin

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

George W. Bush's Resume<br /><br />George W. Bush<br />The White House<br />1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW<br />Washington, D.C. 20500<br /><br />Past Work Experience <br /><br />Ran for congress and lost. <br />Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. <br />Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. <br />Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox. <br />With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. <br />Accomplishments in Previous Positions<br /><br />Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. <br /><br />Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. <br /><br />Set record for most executions by any governor in American history. <br /><br />Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court. <br /><br />Accomplishments As President<br /><br />Attacked and took over two countries. <br />Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. <br />Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. <br />Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. <br />Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. <br />First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. <br />First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. <br />First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history. <br />After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history. <br />Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history. <br />In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job. <br />Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history. <br />Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. <br />Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history. <br />Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television. <br />Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history. <br />Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. <br />Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. <br />Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. <br />Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. <br />Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history. <br />My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history. <br />Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her). <br />First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt. <br />Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world. <br />First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. <br />Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. <br />Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history. <br />First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission. <br />First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board. <br />Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history. <br />Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. <br />Withdrew from the World Court of Law. <br />Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. <br />First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections). <br />All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. <br />My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). <br />Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history. <br />First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community. <br />First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) <br />First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government. <br />Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history). <br />With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. <br />Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. <br />First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea. <br />Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. <br />Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts. <br />Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.' <br />Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects. <br />In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. <br />Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history. <br />In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War. <br />Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. <br />Records and References <br /><br />At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available) <br />AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war. <br />Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. <br />All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. <br />All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. <br />All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. <br />Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. <br />For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.) <br />Source: Kelley Kramer
 

BLU LUNCH

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

YYYYYYYYYYYYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

snapperbait

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

Fixin..<br />Some of these points are true.. <br />Some are false.. <br />Some are opinions..<br />Some are flat out irrelevant.. <br /><br />Here... A reporter asked Bush what he thought about his first hundred days in office... He replied "Has it been a year already"?.....<br /><br />another one.. George W. was asked what he thought about Roe v. Wade. He said he thought it was just about the most important decision George Washington had to make before crossing the Delaware.... :D
 

Mrs Soulwinner

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

I'm just lovin' this......<br />man spratt, were you on a roll...what happened?<br />I love a good joke! :D
 

spratt

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

Have you seen the John Kerry commercial in which George Bush pledges to help Seniors on Medicare and "the very next day imposes a 17% premium increase - the biggest in history"? That ad is a stoke of genius on Kerry's part and will surely gain him many votes among the uninformed.<br /> <br /> I found it so amazing that I did some homework on the issue. As it turns out the 17% increase was not imposed by President Bush but was mandated by the "balanced budget agreement" signed by President Clinton, voted into law by Senator John Kerry, and was scheduled to come into effect during the Bush administration. President Bush had no authority to reverse what had been voted into law by Senator Kerry during the Clinton administration.<br /> <br /> Once again Kerry is counting on the ignorance of the American people. Don't be duped by his mendacity.
 

knobby

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

Nice ones fixin.
 

spratt

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

fixin, IF by some crazy chance mr kerry were ever able to actually sleep in the white house (other than by personal invitation from President & Mrs. Bush), and if we have a chance to do so before this great country is handed over to the terrorist world on a silver platter, let's just see if there are any accomplishments to even be noted:)
 

Mark42

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

Me thinketh the funnin is over and the blades have come out in this thread!
 

spratt

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

Nah, not really!!! I didn't mean to make that post sound so serious, but I couldn't change it aftter I pressed submit...In all absolute honesty and truthfulness, I believe that whomever is theman leading this country after next Tuesday, he will be used by God to bring His ultimate plan to it's fruition..after all, he has used a rooster and an *** befopre to work for Him in His plans;-)
 

spratt

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Re: At the risk of losing friends, Kerry jokes are here!!!

Oh yeah, forgot, can't write that word here...I spelled it in 3 letters, but it actually was a jackarse, or donkey...<br /><br />And also, fixin? I wasn't meaning to make that post sound like a hammer to ya!! Things look worse on paper than it did in my mind...and you shoulda seen the smile on my face and the twinkle in my eye when I was writin it!!
 
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