This Is a funny one for anyone who works on any kind of aircraft, or any machines that require a log to be kept on maintenance and service inquires. I fix aircraft for a living, you will find this one funny even if you do not.<br /><br /><br />It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.<br /> <br />After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. <br /> <br />Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) By Maintenance Engineers.<br /> <br />By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. <br /> <br />----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- <br /> <br />P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. <br />S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. <br /> <br />P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. <br />S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. <br /> <br />P: Something loose in cockpit. <br />S: Something tightened in cockpit. <br /> <br />P: Dead bugs on windshield. <br />S: Live bugs on back-order. <br /> <br />P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. <br />S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. <br /> <br />P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. <br />S: Evidence removed.& nbsp;<br /> <br />P: DME volume unbelievably loud. <br />S: DME volume set to more believable level. <br /> <br />P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. <br />S: That's what they're for. <br /> <br />P: IFF inoperative. <br />S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. <br /> <br />P: Suspected crack in windshield. <br />S: Suspect you're right. <br /> <br />P: Number 3 engine missing. <br />S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. <br /> <br />P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) <br />S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. <br /> <br />P: Target radar hums. <br />S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. <br /> <br />P: Mouse in cockpit. <br />S: Cat installed. <br /> <br />And The Best One For Last !! <br /> <br />P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. <br />S: Took hammer away from midget
