Re: Acts: 2:38
That's pretty funny, thanks. Check these out.<br /><br />Disorder in the Court <br /> <br />These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters-who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one. <br /> <br /><br />Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. <br /> <br />Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. <br /> <br />Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. <br /> <br />Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? <br /> <br />Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. <br /> <br />Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. <br /> <br />Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. <br /> <br />Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? <br /> <br />Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? <br /> <br />Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? <br /> <br />Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? <br /> <br />Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? <br /> <br />Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? <br /> <br />Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? <br /> <br />Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. <br /> <br />Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. <br /> <br />Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. <br /> <br />Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. <br /> <br />Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? <br /> <br />Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
<br />(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)<br />The burglar stopped in his tracks.<br />The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.<br />As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."<br />"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!" 
