A simple guide to understanding us women.

[Bassy]

Here is a simple guide to understanding us women a little better. Hope it helps. <br />Bassy<br />PMS<br /><br />1. Pass My Shotgun <br /><br />2.Psychotic Mood Shift <br /><br />3.Perpetual Munching Spree <br /><br />4.Puffy Mid-Section <br /><br />5.People Make me Sick <br /><br />6.ProvideMe withSweets <br /><br />7.Pardon My Sobbing <br /><br />8.****les May Surface <br /><br />9.Pass My Sweatpants <br /><br />10.Pissy Mood Syndrome <br /><br /><br />11.Plainly; Men Suck <br /><br /><br />12.Pack My Stuff <br /><br /><br />...and last but not least.. <br /><br /><br />13.Potential Murder Suspect

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.<br /><br />2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.<br /><br />3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.<br /><br />4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.<br /><br />5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, 'How's my driving? Call 1 800 ****"**.'<br /><br />6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.<br /><br />7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.<br /><br />8. You're counting down the days until menopause.<br /><br />9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.<br /><br />10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br /><br />One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS ...

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

Q: Why do they call PMS PMS?<br />A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!<br />

 

[Bassy]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

SBN- Its nice to know there are men who get us.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

errrrrrrrrrr, I am going thru that at this time Bassy.<br />It sure does get hot at night in bed, and not the way you think. <br />I think sometimes when I wake up, I just got out of the shower.

 

[steve n carol]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

SBN, THAT WAS FUNNY!!!

 

[RetNav]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

SBN, I would bet that either the missus is gone, or does not read your posts.....

 

[Macu]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

My wife has made it clear to me. I may be bigger and stronger. **** me off if you wish, "BUT YOU HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP SOMETIME!"<br /><br />;-)

 

[OBJ]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

I thought this was supposed to be a "Simple" guide to understanding women! Geez...I gotta be a shrink, doctor, electrician, plumber.....MAN!! I gotta a lot to learn......

 

[Kenneth Brown]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

Poor Me Syndrome

 

[deputydawg]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

And just think, I would be eligable for parole about now!

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

I was expecting the longest post ever.

 

[spratt]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

Originally posted by kenimpzoom:<br /> I was expecting the longest post ever.

May not have beent LONGEST, but I bet it was the slowest

 

[LadyFish]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

I honestly thought PMS stood for "putting up with men's s***".<br /><br />I know men have a similar disease called UMS "unidentified moods swings."

 

[spratt]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

Dr. Ladyfish, please tell us h ow you came about witht his prognosis of men? And how did that disease name come about...can you describe itm ore in detail? <br /><br />Thanks,<br />A concerned Male

 

[LadyFish]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

Dear Concerned Male:<br /><br />Men and women both experience their share of mood swings, but for some reason, females are more often associated with mood swings. When a man is cranky, we chalk it up to a bad day because his stock just plummeted, he didn't get lucky, his boat won't run, he stripped a screw, his favorite team lost, or he bungled up a DIY project and now its gonna take twice as long and cost twice as much to fix.<br /><br />Why the double standard? Women have a right to attribute mood swings to hormonal changes and PMS; there is biological evidence linking one's mood to their menstrual cycle. There is however, no biological evidence linking a male mood swing to anything other than things didn't go his way. Since there is really no serious reason attributed to these mood swings us doctors refer to it as UMS aka "Unidentified Mood Swings".<br /><br />Men have been known to go from extreme happiness and motivation to irritability and lethargy due to absolutely nothing.<br /><br />There is no known cause or cure for UMS and it can lead to stress in women since it varies as far as determining what our threshold for patience and tolerance is from day to day.<br /><br />Note, if these mood swings occur more than usual, and you find yourself apologizing for your behavior more than once every two days you may have whats commonly known as "Continuous Unidentified Mood Swings", which is also considered a character flaw.<br /><br />Seek help immediately.<br /><br />Dr. LadyFish

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

Dr. said, "Unidentified Mood Swings".<br /><br />I say, "Unidentified Mood Swings" is because of a woman with PMS.<br /><br />Is it hot in here?<br />Oh, sorry, hi honey.

 

[NYMINUTE]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

SBN, you be rockin' Love it. Sarcasim never sounded so real.<br />PUNISHING MEN'S SAFETY

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: A simple guide to understanding us women.

Originally posted by NYMINUTE:<br />PUNISHING MEN'S SAFETY

Or is that PUNISHING MEN SAFELY?