A joke for the day...

southkogs

southkogs

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Re: A joke for the day...

achris said:
And proved completely false but Myth-Busters...
Click to expand...
Figured it must have been on the edge ... 45 weather balloons? 16,000 open in a lawn chair without oxygen? But ... the idea of drifting into the LAX ATC was a pretty funny mental picture.
 
WIMUSKY

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Re: A joke for the day...

The Today Show has a segment of True or False Stories(something like that) and showed a different guy in a lawn chair with balloons. I believe they said the story was actually true........

Yep, just found it. You can skip to around 2:30 in the vid...
TODAY Video Player
 
Tim Frank

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Re: A joke for the day...

achris said:
And proved completely false but Myth-Busters...
Click to expand...

A 100% incorrect statement...looks like you are trying to start a myth of your own.... :):eek:


The episode that they aired confirmed the feasibility....and the event is also verified by FAA records....
From the MB website :
Adam Savage went up in the MythBusters' rig, which was a lawn chair with 16 plastic weather balloons attached, and went up to the maximum height that could be obtained with the safety ropes attached, 75 feet (23 m). He safely descended by shooting out some of the balloons. The actual event behind the myth was verified by documents provided by the FAA.
 
Tim Frank

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Re: A joke for the day...

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a forest.
Government said "someone may steal from it at night."
So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then government said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write
the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then government said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people.
One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then government said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer,
then hired two people.
Then government said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired three people,
an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then government said, "We have had this department in operation for one year
and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.
 
N

NewfieDan

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Re: A joke for the day...

Natural Laws
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

The Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But if you don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick.
 
M

Maclin

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Re: A joke for the day...

Variation on Doctor's Law....
When I was young I used to get these sinus attacks, a little worse than just a cold, and my parents usually took me to the Doc in case it was the start of something more serious. The Doc always looked me over then gave the same prescription. I noticed if my parents did not take me to the Doc it took 14 days to get over it. If they took me to the Doc and got the prescription then it only took 2 weeks. :)
 
L

Limited-Time

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Re: A joke for the day...

A Preacher a Hooker a Midget and a Monkey walk in to a bar. The Bartender says "Whats this? some kind of a joke????
 
8

82rude

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Re: A joke for the day...

couple of silly vehicle jokes. what do German Shepard's and Harleys have in common?they both like riding in the back of trucks! theres a special on at gm right now that when you buy a new truck you get a free puppy.that way, you will have somebody to walk home with you when you break down in the bush!
 
Bob_VT

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Re: A joke for the day...

Old Bessie




A farmer named Clyde had a car accident.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine," asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted." "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!' "?
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."


The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact t that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud! Please tell him to simply answer the question."


By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie."


Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.


"Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'
"Now what the hell would you say?!"
 
Tim Frank

Tim Frank

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Tourist Complaints

Tourist Complaints

Since 1841, Britain's Thomas Cook Tours has been leading travelers on new adventures. But not everyone ends up happy. There are supposedly true complaints registered with the travel agency.

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
7. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
10. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax. "
11. "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
12. "No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
13. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
14. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
15. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
16. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
17. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
18. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
19. "There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
20. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
21. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
22. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
23. "My fianc? and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
 
Bob_VT

Bob_VT

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Re: A joke for the day...

The Killing of the Crows


CrowResearchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.


However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.


MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.


The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”
 
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