FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

[jasonh]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

Me and 2 friends were out skiing on Lake Texoma one day back when we were still teenagers. My buddy thought he was Mr. Hotshot on the slalom cutting back and forth real hard, jumping the wake, and basically showing off. I tried cracking the whip with him and all sorts of other boat manuevers to get him to fall, but to his credit he stayed up. He finally let go and coasted down near the mouth of a fishy looking cove. I slowed and made the U turn to retrieve him. As I cut the motor and drifted next to him, the other guy in the boat suddenly exclaims, "holy crap, look at the size of that snake!"

There not 5 ft away from him was indeed a very big water moccasin and it was headed directly towards the boat with my friend caught between. His cocky attitude instantly melted into the most hilarious display of shrieking, panicking squeals of terror and convulsive thrashing. The snake disappeared which horrified him even more as he just knew it dove under and was planning to bite his legs or something. He chucked the ski into the boat and violently hauled himself out of the water while me and the other guy were immobilized with laughter.

I honestly cannot remember ever seeing him ski again. I think it scarred him for life. Plus he earned the nickname "Flanders" for his high-pitched squealing, a nickname that to this day he does not find amusing.

 

[StarznBarrz]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

My cousin and I went over to WV where his mother and G-father live (G-father owns a Big piece of land with a cabin on a side of a mountain) for Spring Break, theres a river that runs slowly and rapidly @ different places behing the cabin about 300 yards, so we gathered up ourselves and the 14' John and paddles and set off for a journey down the river. we paced along for quite a distance and bottomed out i cant remember how many times (always ended up getting out of the boat into the water to set free), anyway, nearing the end of our journey the water was moving extremely rapidly and right slam in the middle of the river was a Huge Rock that actually split the river in 2 and we fought and we fought (knowingly of what we were doing) to get away from the middle when all of a sudden the boat turns completely sideways floatin' down stream and we fought it to finally straighten up but right on time the bow is shoved up onto the rock by the force of the water and the back hanging in the water, we catch a (had to be 25-30mph) wind and the river shifts us, we spin like the bow was pivoted, the boat slams back into the water, water rushes in filling it about a 1/4 of the way, luckly this river wasnt but about 100ft wide if that at times, we costed over when the water slowed down and took a break! Ended up being 1/2 mile down from our posted end point! Long Hike Back!

 

[SgtMaj]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

About 5 miles SW of Toronto harbour on Lake Ontario a deer is swimming beside our boat headed for shore. Maybe he didn't have a passport... not sure...
About 30 minutes later we heard another boater reporting the deer over the VHS.... the advice from the authorities:
deer are good swimmers, whatever you do, don't try to help it into your boat

haha... no kidding... thats good advice

later that day two sailboats collided in the same area- one had speared the hull of the other

more good advice over the VHS: don't separate them...

Ha, that reminds me of the time we rented a housboat for the week on Shasta, maybe 16-18 years ago now. Every night we would beach the boat, one morning we woke up to find a blind in one eye deer on the boat. It eventually left without a problem, but we had to coax it off the boat with some sliced apples. I guess someone had been feeding it regularly to be that used to people. I'm just glad it wasn't a bear.

SgtMaj

 

[Grant Brown]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

One day when I was a kid in the mid 70's, were were having a nice family boating day at a lake in the Okanagan Valley of BC.
I was about 10-12 so the details are a bit fuzzy but here's how I remember it...
The area is very popular and sees lots of crazy antics on any long weekend.
This one day, we were standing near the dock and launch, when this 16-17 foot cobra style boat comes in. It's got a huge V8, tunnel ram, custom metal flake paint and dry stack headers. Dry stacks are very loud as they dump exhaust straight into the air instead of the water (water muffles the sound). Anyway, this bozo had been racing around with his girlfriend in the boat all afternoon, never very far from the beach or launch showing off and generally irritating everyone for miles.
They are drunk as can be and he hops out and heads up to get the truck. She's standing there in her bikini holding a beer in one hand and a line to the boat with the other.
Suddenly we notice that the boat is filling with water. Beer cans and crap floating around in it. He had been running with a plug out (I suppose) and when he got to shore the thing filled up. By the time the guy got back to the boat the thing was sunk and the motor was under water.
I still remember the girl freaking out and nobody helping.
I think about it to this day whenever I see one of those a++holes...

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

One day when I was a kid in the mid 70's, were were having a nice family boating day at a lake in the Okanagan Valley of BC.
I was about 10-12 so the details are a bit fuzzy but here's how I remember it...
The area is very popular and sees lots of crazy antics on any long weekend.
This one day, we were standing near the dock and launch, when this 16-17 foot cobra style boat comes in. It's got a huge V8, tunnel ram, custom metal flake paint and dry stack headers. Dry stacks are very loud as they dump exhaust straight into the air instead of the water (water muffles the sound). Anyway, this bozo had been racing around with his girlfriend in the boat all afternoon, never very far from the beach or launch showing off and generally irritating everyone for miles.
They are drunk as can be and he hops out and heads up to get the truck. She's standing there in her bikini holding a beer in one hand and a line to the boat with the other.
Suddenly we notice that the boat is filling with water. Beer cans and crap floating around in it. He had been running with a plug out (I suppose) and when he got to shore the thing filled up. By the time the guy got back to the boat the thing was sunk and the motor was under water.
I still remember the girl freaking out and nobody helping.
I think about it to this day whenever I see one of those a++holes...

Couldn't have happened to a nicer couple by the sounds of it !!!!

 

[TriadSteeler]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

We (me, wife & son(2yrs at the time) had spent a fun day cruising up and down the Ohio near our boat club in a '73 Starcraft American with an 85 Rude. Later in the evening, we planned to cruise down to my SIL's boat club for a bonfire and we were going to spend the night on their houseboat.

On the way down we are cruising right along and passed a 5-deep coal barge and got a friendly wave from the crew as we buzzed on by. After getting about 2k yards in front of the barge, I hear that dreaded sound of MMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH. Doh! Stbd tank just ran dry. I take a look behind me and what do I see but our friends on the barge closing in and coming right at us. I know there is no way that he will be able to alter course as he is running in the correct lane and I am dead in the water. As I am climbing under the splashwell to swap the fuel line I hear the deafening roar of his horn. My wife is freaking out trying to screw the oars together, screaming at me to get the boat moving. With a couple hundred yards to spare, the motor roars back to life and move out just in time.

With my current resto, I'm putting in a 3-way fuel valve so all I'll have to do to change tanks is open a topside hatch and twist the valve.

 

[BCM]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

Sometimes in the winter a warm day will come around and I will rush to the marina and try to get some boating time in. I arrive at the marina, hook my boat to my truck and swing by to the ramp and back into the water. I get pretty good at it really doing it so much. For my boat, I stop backing down the ramp when the trailer wheel fenders are just submerged and I see the boat slip down a little on the trailer. Now some ramps do go down at a different angles but this referrence with the wheel fenders getting just below the water usually is just right for my rig.

This day I rush to the ramp and back down. I get out and try to pull the boat off the trailer into the water and tie it up as usual. It wont come off the trailer. It seemed like it was shallow or low tide or something so I hop back in the truck and back it in a little more. I pull on the rope and nothings moving. I figure I should back down a little farther into the water. The boat is stuck. I figure I need to jar the boat a little, could be ice sticking it to the trailer. So back it down even a little more until I hear a new sound... flupflup, my truck tailpipe gurgling.

But I dont mind since it isn't too deep, yet I have to jump from the cab door sill to the dock to stay dry. There's a foot of water right there at the door. Odd. I get out again and pull on the rope and I just can't get that boat off the trailer. It is a one man tug of war on the dock and I am pulling almost horizontal with all my might to get that boat off the trailer.

I figure there's a hole in the hull and the thing is sunk heavy onto the trailer, so I hop on the boat and look down the hatch to see if the thing had been taking on water. There's no water at all in the boat but water is lapping up through the transom drains. I look over the side and I'm still not that deep yet since the wheel wells are just an inch or so below the water.

But when I hopped on the boat and am walking around it I notice that it is rocking. WTH? Yeah, I forgot the back 2 trailer straps were still attached.

 

[5150abf]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

Me and my buddy are out night fishing,it is about midnight,we decide to leave, so we are going about 5MPH in 5-6' of water and all of a sudden the bow lift 2-3' out of the water, no crunch or bang, it just lifts.
I kill the motor as soon as it happens and yell DON"T MOVE! We just sit for awhile and nothing else happens so I decide to go to the bow and see what we hit,as soon as I move the boat starts to roll to one side REALLY bad, well here we go I am thinking.
It stops before it goes all the way over but it threw my tackle box on the floor and scared the bejesus out of us,it is September and way to cold to go swimming, I get to the front and I can't see anything we hit but there we are with the bow 3' in the air so I get the spot light and shine it under the boat and see an 8" wide stump we hit dead center.
So there we sit, high centered on an 8" stump in 6' of water that is maybe 55 degrees.
After alot of head scratching I put the boat in reverse and spun the wheel back and forth and walked us off and we went back to launch at idle.
I hate to think what would have happened if we had been going any faster, it is funny now but at the time not so much.

 

[5150abf]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

Just read BCMs story.
I work for a large boat manufacturer and one of our saleman related this story to me.
A guy buys a brand new fiberglass runabout, he shows up at the dealers dock really pissed.
His brand new boat won't get on plane and handles like a pig, "you better fix this now!".
The dealer is walking around the boat trying to figure out what in the world is wrong with this thing when he notices the trailer is still attached to the boat.
Apparently the guy backs the boat into the water,unhooks the trailer from his truck and tries to tear around the lake, didn't take much to solve that problem.
Can you iomagine being at the launch and watching someone do that,yikes

 

[magster65]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

OK... I've got y'all beat!
Once upon a time... it was a busy day at the ramp. I patiently waited my turn and when it was time I quickly launched my 23 Sea Ray. I tied her up and then went to park. I came back and flashed her up... yeah... it was busy and there were people waiting to launch (and pull out) so after a few moments I thought I'd leave and just go slow and let her warm up under way. I hopped onto the dock, untied the ropes and put the bumpers inside. Pretty smooth departure 'eh?
I push the back of the boat out just a little as I climb back in and my shorts hook the damn cleat. I wasn't far enough in the boat so I slipped backwards and was hanging upside down breifly before I went in... with my shorts still hanging on the cleat. Did I mention the ramp was busy that day? OK, so now I'm in the water with no pants on and there's what seemed to be a million people watching... trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. The people on the dock were laughing their heads off... so was I... it was so ridiculous! I folded the ladder down and climbed back in. I tried to pull my shirt down extra far so I didn't expose myself to everyone but that wasn't very successful either. I put my shorts back on and looked up... all 1 million people were staring at me... half of them laughing their heads off and the other half giving me dirty looks for taking a quick 'skinny dip' while they're waiting to launch. I thought to myself... how em-bare-assed I was and that was it... I was laughing like a madman as I departed. I'm sure every person there thought I was a bloody lunatic. It was a while back but every time I go there I relive experience...


Em-bare-assed... it's still funny!

 

[1crazyfordguy]

Re: FUNNY Boating Stories (not really stupid, just funny) Let's hear yours!

I went kyaking with my little brother and my Aunt down a channel running from one lake to another, about a few miles long. Out of nowhere, I feel something hitting my kyak - like someone beating on it with a baseball bat. I lean over the side and look down in the water, and a HUGE carp, I mean, the biggest, nastiest, ugliest looking carp you've ever seen in your life, jumps up, hits me in the face, and lands in my aunts kyak, right between her legs. She bails out screaming like she just saw the devil or something... my little brother got out of his kyak and pulled it on the shore and started crying, and I went on paddling like a madman trying to catch my aunt's oars. The end.