What not to say to a cop

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

No offense intended here iboats LEOs.<br />_______________________________________________<br />1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.<br /> 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.<br /> 3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?<br /> 4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me<br /> ...Good job!<br /> 5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?<br /> 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be<br /> a cop.<br /> 7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school<br /> instead.<br /> 8. Bad cop! No donut!<br /> 9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?<br /> 10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.<br /> 11. Didn't I see you get your *** kicked on COPS?<br /> 12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's<br /> nightstand.<br /> 13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at<br /> McDonald's?<br /> 14. I pay your salary!<br /> 15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?<br /> 16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a<br /> warning too!<br /> 17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.<br /> 18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other<br /> cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.<br /> 19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained<br /> specialist.<br /> 20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off<br /> my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal,<br /> forcing me to speed out of control.<br /> 21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.<br /> 22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

 

[Dave Abrahamson]

Re: What not to say to a cop

"My wife ran off with a cop last week, I thought you were trying to bring her back. That's why I didn't stop...honest"

 

[fireship1]

Re: What not to say to a cop

What? I was doing 100 miles per hour? Well, I would have hit 120 but you got in my way!

 

[briannh1234]

Re: What not to say to a cop

True Story - I paid the ticket.<br /><br />I was on my way to work one morning, driving along in the forth lane. I see a cruiser comming up behind me so I moved into the third lane. The cruiser blew by me. Not thinking anything of it I moved back into the forth lane. The cruiser was way ahead of me, but then slowed way down in the second lane, got behind me, and turned his light's on.<br /><br />I pulled over. "How fast do you think you were going?" I replied "No faster than you."<br /><br />Ticket said 85. (Occupent stated speed "No faster that you") If I was going 85 he was doing 100. Tried to go to court over it, The officer pulled a no show and the judge did not care.

 

[Tyme2fish]

Re: What not to say to a cop

Officer: Your eyes are red. Have you been drinking?<br />Me: Your eyes seem glazed. Have you been eating dounuts?

 

[KilroyJC]

Re: What not to say to a cop

Don't forget the flip side:<br /><br /><br /> "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They're like new shoes that have to be broken in. They'll feel better after you wear them awhile."<br /><br />"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."<br /><br />"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."<br /><br />"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"<br /><br />"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"<br /><br />"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."<br /><br />"You might outrun me, but you can't outrun Motorola."<br /><br />"Absolutely you can have my job! Then I wouldn't have to put up with obnoxious loudmouth morons telling me they can have my job!"<br /><br />"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"<br /><br />"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey &%#*!. "<br /><br />"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."<br /><br />"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."<br /><br />"Just how big were those two beers?"<br /><br />"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."<br /><br />"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."<br /><br /> and the best one <br /><br /><br />"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ......<br />You're right, we don't. .. Sign here."

 

[Bob in Calif.]

Re: What not to say to a cop

BrianNH...........<br /><br />The judge was totally wrong finding you guilty without the complainant, (the police officer.) If the officer failed to appear for the case, You were unable to defend yourself by asking the issuing officer any questions.<br /><br />I'm assuming you asked for a court trial and got one, but without "Barney" in attendence. If he was notified of the court case and ignored it, he is in violation of not responding to a subpoena.<br /><br />If this is a recent incident, you should have recourse to have the conviction set aside, the fine refunded and the case dismissed. Here in "CaliPornia", if the citing officer does not appear after being notified, the citation is dismised on the spot and any monies posted on your part would be refunded. <br /><br />I do believe you have recourse on this incident. I would go to the DA's Office and talk to one of the Deputy DA's. If he gives you a "shoeshine", I would talk with any criminal attorney you can come across in the court house, as most are well versed on this subject.<br /><br /><br />...Bob in Calif...

 

[lark2004]

Re: What not to say to a cop

Evnin' drinkstable.... I haven't had a C**T all night!

 

[waterone1@aol.com]

Re: What not to say to a cop

Honest osifer, I ain't as think as you drunk I am. I only had tree martunies and i got all day sober to sunday up.

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: What not to say to a cop

"When are your parents getting married officer?" <br /><br />of course I had to get the one that said......<br /><br />"Good evening Squadron Leader, flying a bit low tonight aren't we?"

 

[briannh1234]

Re: What not to say to a cop

Sorry Bob - That was years ago. The action I decided upon at the time was to be MAD as HELL and not pay the ticket. My license was suspended in MASS, and then in NH. I drove with an invalid license for at least 5 years until I finally got pulled over for having a plate light out. At that point it didn't matter.<br /><br />The system sucks and the Officers know it.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: What not to say to a cop

Yea, same way as Bob says in Kentucky, officer a no-show, case dismissed.

 

[deputydawg]

Re: What not to say to a cop

Same here on the court proceedings.<br /><br />If a ticket goes to court I have to appear. I have never been under subpeona, I just get a note in my mailbox to appear. If I would not show they go through the court process to have it on record, then usually dismiss. <br /><br />I do not have to be there as complainant, that is the State. BUT I do have to be there as the prosecutions witness.