What did you learn growing up?

[deputydawg]

The thread about stupid stunts growing up made me think. <br />Here are my observations about life, and good rules that have brought me through to adulthood (a thing my mother never thought possible).<br /><br />If it says flamable, go outside before lighting it.<br /><br />If the fireworks say don't hold in hand, it is more than just a suggestion.<br /><br />If it says "may cause skin irritation or rash", don't pour it down your sisters pants.<br /><br />No matter how much is sticking out, do not give the biggest kid in school a wedgie.<br /><br />See how hot the slid is before sliding down with shorts on.<br /><br />Don't take that friends bet about the tongue and cold flagpole.<br /><br />Bicycle ramps should not be at a 40% angle.<br /><br />Bicycle ramps should not be made with 1/4 inch plywood.<br /><br />Cats don't always land on their feet.<br /><br />Bedsheets do not make good parachutes.<br /><br />Don't use gasoline in a plastic margarine dish to clean the excess paint off of model cars.<br /><br />Don't chase skunks while waiting for the school bus in the morning.<br /><br />Running over your sister with your bicycle is not as fun as you'd think.<br /><br />The highway in front of the cops house is not a good place to drag race.<br /><br />Same applies to the street in front of the police station at shift change.<br /><br />If the 2 above are attempted, it is usually best not to try to outrun them!<br /><br />Sometimes you CAN outrun them.<br /><br />Don't hang around a kid that throws rocks at passing cars. Especially true if you have a broken leg and can't run as fast as he can.<br /><br />When using a machette to cut weeds, keep your eys on the weeds!<br /><br />A finger can be re-attached.<br /><br />A re-attached finger will function but not as good.<br /><br />When a horse runs under a tree, duck.<br /><br />Teachers are not impressed with pet rattlesnakes in school.<br /><br />Mothers usually don't like toads in their bed.<br /><br />Same with hampsters.<br /><br />If chasing a skunk, and the skunk runs under the neighbors house, just stop pestering it and leave!<br /><br />It is not wise to take vodka on a school trip.<br /><br />When you take the screws out of the teachers chair, don't tell the whole class about it.<br /><br />Just a few of the things I have found growing up. Any others I missed? I spent a lot of time in time out with a red rear.

 

[ZmOz]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Eyebrows and eye lashes are highly flammable. <br /><br />Angry cats make big scars.<br /><br />Spray paint is flammable. VERY flammable.<br /><br />When you have red hair wear sunscreen. 3rd degree sunburns SUCK!

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Applying wintergreen muscle linament to your "bits" when you have a groin strain is a definite no-no <br /><br />spraying wintergreen muscle linament on someone elses bits will result in you having a black eye minimum <br /><br />cresote does not give you an instant suntan <br /><br />painting yourself with cresote results in a long stay in the ER<br /><br />they call them stinging nettles for a good reason<br /><br />never think you can run through stinging nettles nekked fast enough for them not to sting you; no matter how much alcohol you've had<br /><br />industrial alcohol doesn't taste like vodka<br /><br />a stomach pump isn't like a bicycle pump <br /><br />stealing a bag of coal at midnight in a white "John Travolta" suit isn't a great idea no matter how drunk you are<br /><br />insulting four paratroopers and five marines is not a good idea, no matter how drunk you are and how small they look<br /><br />hitting on a special forces soldiers girlfriend hurts, no matter how drunk you are....I think I see a pattern emerging

 

[DJ]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

I learned.<br /><br />Respect.<br /><br />Honor.<br /><br />Respect.<br /><br />Honor.<br /><br />Honor my parents by fulfilling their demands of being a good student and a solid citizen.<br /><br />Respect for my elders, they are not "old" and decrepit, they are wise, and we'd be smart to learn from them.<br /><br />Was I perfect in those journeys, not by a longshot. But, I never forgot many wise words spoken to me by wise and honorable people.<br /><br />Today, that is called "old school" and laughed at.

 

[TilliamWe]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Never spit into the wind

 

[KeltonKrew]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

that when you're eating dinner and you don't want to eat and your mother tells you..<br /><br />....there's a bunch of starving kids in China....<br /><br />the incorrect reply would be.....then send it to them.....

 

[RubberFrog]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Originally posted by TilliamWe:<br /> Never spit into the wind

Don't pee into it either.

 

[Realgun]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Never eat yellow snow. <br /><br />Gasoline poured on big tumbleweeds and lit goes BOOM and will result in missing hair at least!<br /><br />For my brother, learned it from him, never pee on electric fences,

 

[deputydawg]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Another one...<br /><br />Nair spread into the cup of a friends jock makes him not so much of a friend anymore. <br /><br />Icy Hot on a popsickle stick + naked high school boy that just put Nair into a jock cup + football shower room = quick painful swipe of Icy Hot up someones crack.<br /><br />Icy Hot spread up the crack makes a high school boy cry.

 

[ehenry]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Never ever close your eyes and open your mouth when your older sister asks you to.<br /><br />Never ever mess with a sleeping woman unless said sleeping woman left explicit instructions to do so.<br /><br />A 5 gallon bucket of horse manure poured on a woman will cause her to chase you down and beat you with a pecan limb.<br /><br />Never ever punch your sister in the mouth for whoppin you with a pecan limb for pouring a 5 gallon bucket of horse manure her (while shes sunbathing all greased up with baby oil and iodine) while your daddy is on a horse getting cows up and seeing you punch your sister. This will cause another more severe beating.<br /><br />Never ever trust you sisters not to throw you on a lit barbecue grill. Still got scars from that one.<br /><br />Dont ever run over your sisters Barie Doll Condo with Tiger Joe Army Tank.

 

[BassCat73]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

If your nose runs and your feet smell....<br /><br />you're built upside down!

 

[AzMeadMan]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

If you tape a firecracker to a rock, light the fuse and fire it from a wrist rocket, the fuse will not burn while flying thourgh the air. However it will reegnight once it hits the ground and comes to a stop. <br /><br />If you throw one of the little neighborhood kids out of your fort in the field because he is a baby, you better check the rope swing you use to cross the canel to get to the fort. He may have come back later and cut the rope on top of the limb 3/4 of the way through. He he he. That showed them.

 

[snapperbait]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Circular saw blades are SHARP....<br /><br />Do not run barefoot thru the sand-spur patch.... (watch where you're going!)<br /><br />Do not trust a girl brandishing a pair of scissors...<br /><br />Something others learned from me.... DO NOT steal snapper's hat.. If you do, snapper will punch you in the mouth at his first chance to do so...

 

[deputydawg]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

You can't outrun Motorola....no matter how hard I tried.<br /><br />You CAN outsmart Motorola, but you have to hide the car for at least 2 weeks.<br /><br />The cops CAN arrest you 2 weeks later if you outrun and outsmart them and they know it is you.<br /><br />Never hit a guy that is chewing tobacco.

 

[one more cast]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

At a very young age I learned not to ignore a rod cap bolt that won't torque down.<br /> I learned that you CAN get a girl pregnant by using the withdrawal method of birth control.<br /> I learned that to much alcohol will make you do stupid stuff.<br /> I learned that bees do not like to have their hive poked with a stick.<br /> I learned that snapping turtles do not like to be poked with a stick.<br /> I learned that it is best to ask dad before painting antiques.<br /> I learned that paying the minimum credit card payment will not get things paid off.<br /> I learned that the plug keeps the boat from sinking.<br /> and on and on....

 

[Wotknot]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

2 things......<br /><br />Never date an ugly woman<br /><br />and<br /><br />Never date a woman who has the capability of whooping your a$$.....lol

 

[dolluper]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

When putting your can of beans on an open fire make sure the top is open, or you will wear it can and all if sealed.It really makes a bang when ready too,sealed that is<br />Put the generator on the back wheel of the bike instead of the front.When it loosens on the front wheel and goes into spokes your flying[a little training for motorcycles later]<br />Cops can catch you no matter how fast your car is[even if it's 2 days later]<br />Left loosens ,right retightens if you don't have an old plymouth,dodge, chyrsler,international [left hand thread]<br />Gm's wiring ye"LL"ow is Left signal lights<br />.....g"R"een is right signal lights<br />Jet fuel burns<br />Cars need gas<br />Girls like fast cars<br />and ......and.....and

 

[PW2]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

Black powder could be made from Over the counter drugstore stuff (when I was a kid,at least)<br /><br />Sulphur<br />Salt Petre<br />Ground up charcoal.<br /><br />While some may be good, more is not necessarily better.

 

[ebbtide176]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

"spraying wintergreen muscle linament on someone elses bits will result in you having a black eye minimum"<br />"A 5 gallon bucket of horse manure will cause a woman to chase you down and beat you with a pecan limb."<br />"Nair spread into the cup of a friends jock makes him not so much of a friend anymore."<br /><br />LOL those are great!<br /><br />do not dare your little sister to throw that rock at you, and stand still believing there is no way she can actually hit you in the forehead.<br /><br />do not stand by the mailbox and have your friend toss you a jawbreaker when their dad drives by your house after running to the store. it might as well be fired from a gun. and that is what it feels like when it hits your chest.<br /><br />wear kneepads when learning how to ride a unicycle.<br /><br />do not try to pick a bumblebee off a flower by grabbing their abdomen, they will still find a way to sting you.<br /><br />do not try to light a firecracker fuse off a campfire flame. it will light the middle instead of the end, and you won't have enough time to get it out of your hand.<br /><br />and never ever carry a snake or alligator unless you are sure they are dead and not just unconscious.<br /><br />oh yeah, this ones for my brother - do not trick a small child into peeing on the electric fence, because it is strong enough to make them pass out, and you have to carry your assumed dead brother home to mom and try to explain it and avoid getting killed also.

 

[snapperbait]

Re: What did you learn growing up?

What's wrong with carrying a live alligator?.... <br /><br />Up to a certain size, they're managable... of course, I would'nt know.... <br /><br />Another thing I learned... Rattle snakes like to sun themselves out in the middle of dirt roads, thus one must pay attention to where one's walking... I used to have that one's rattle.. dunno whatever became of it..