Re: Weight and towing query - any advice appreciated.
When you go shopping, with the good advice above, I think you can do fine with a smaller SUV, but you have ot be mindful that the shorter the wheel base, the harder to tow (affects stopping and backing).
I do not think 4wd matters when you are towing within the weight limits; it can help on a slick ramp, though.
A lot depends, too, on your typical use: a few miles or 100, a few times a year or every weekend, flat or hills, heavy traffic or open range. These are not a consideration for the safety factor, but for the wear and tear on the vehicle, so you have to get in the safe range first. after that, you can cheat on the performance aspect some if you tow short distances infrequently.